She Gave Me A Candy Bar

These things happened yesterday:
 This woman came in talking loudly on her phone. She took a cart and started shopping. When she came to my register, she was still talking loudly on the phone. She purchased the Tide for $10.99 and was alarmed that her total was $12 something. We do charge tax, of course. I asked her four times if she wanted a bag, and I didn't get an answer until the fifth try. She said "Of course, you want me to walk out without one?" Like I was stupid for asking, and it was unheard of for someone to use the handle. Then she told me she wanted $2 on her card, and $10.03 in cash. She was STILL on the phone, loudly. Her voice was so irritating that I walked away until I heard "EXCUSE ME!! EXCUSE ME!!" And I walked s-l-o-w-l-y back to my register. Apparently I was supposed to put $10 on her card and $2 in cash. I would have known that if she wasn't on the phone, and I told her so. She started getting serious attitude, so I offered to call the manager but since she was still on the phone, she didn't hear me and she walked away. Thank fuck.

I was gossiping with our magazine vendor in aisle 7. I was at the edge of the aisle and took a step back to check my register and this elderly woman hit me with her cart! She actually just tapped my shoe, but I doubled over laughing. I think she thought I was hurt, so she stood there, asking if I was o.k. She looked very concerned. I kept telling her I was ok...I thought we were finished. She eventually came back to the register and asked if I was o.k again. I told her she only hit my shoe, and that I was totally fine...then she offered me a CANDY BAR! I tried to tell her I didn't need one, but who am I to turn down a 3 Musketeers bar from an elderly woman? I ate it today.