Squirrels

I got to work before we opened. While I was waiting for my boss to open the door I heard some rustling in the trash can. I took a few steps back and went to the other door, and a squirrel jumped out of the trash can! When I walked inside, I informed my boss that the squirrel almost got me. When we got to the office, he talked about the squirrel like they had known each other for a long time.
"Yeah, that squirrel? When I come in, he is scrounging around in the trash until he hears me. Then he sticks his head out and goes like this:"
He does an impression.
"As I'm going inside, the squirrel jumps out and hangs around the curb until I'm heading to the office. But I know as soon as I'm out of sight, he heads back into the trash. And I'm like 'Yeah you furry bastard, I know what you're doing!' He just hangs out and eats trash every morning. Why can't he do that when I'm not coming into work?"
"He just does what city squirrels do. Did you want me to do the smart count?"
"Yeah. Thanks."

"I'm not even supposed to be here today."

I covered today's shift for my W.B.F.F and it was kinda rough. I worked from 7:30am til 5pm. And Saturdays are much more busy than I remember.