Toast Spread

8:10 am
My co-worker and I were chit-chatting at the register when this guy rushes in and asks us if we know where the toe spray is.
"Toe spray?" I say
The guy, impatiently: "Yes, the toe spray."
"Aisle 8"
My co-worker turns to me and mouths "Ewww."
A few minutes later the guy yells to me from down the aisle "Aisle 8? Are you sure? I don't see it."
"I'm sorry, sir. What did you need?"
"TOAST SPREAD!"
"Toast spread?" And I'm thinking, jelly? Does he want jelly? Nutella? What? Who says "toast spread" anyway? So I reply "Aisle 9?" Because perhaps he wants some butter.
He yells out "Are you guessing?"
"Yes. I do not know what you are asking for."
"Toast spread!"
I yell out to the same co-worker to help him out and I hear the muffled reply of her annoyed yet confused answer. "Sir, I have never heard it called that. Aisle 9. Sorry."
Apparently the man wanted toast bread.

Black Friday

Black Friday at my store was not as out-of-control as I thought. I got there at 7am, which is an hour earlier than my usual schedule. I rush up to the door and realize we aren't open. There are people waiting around already so I call my store and tell my boss to open up for me. He does, but then closes and locks the doors again. I go punch in and ask him  if he knows we open early. He said he wasn't sure so I told him that I was. "We opened early on Halloween, so why wouldn't we on Black Friday? And today isn't warehouse, so why else am I here so early?" He told me to go check with the boss. So I asked my store manager if we should be open now and he says "Its' seven, right? Why else would I schedule you?" I got some attitude with him and said he should tell the manager that. I knew what time we opened.

We were, of course, way busier than we usually are. Consequently, I didn't finish ordering the cigars. Could be trouble.

Black Friday Preparation

I got pulled off the register to take down two endstands and put up our "free" Black Friday merch on one, and the good deals on another. I didn't finish because we were pretty busy and I got distracted by various co-workers. So, sadly, I did not follow my boss's directions to "get 'er done".

Not On The Register

Thanks to the Good Lord and my bosses for not leaving me at the register all day. The new girl came in around 9am and I was relieved of my ringing duties, for the most part. Sadly, I did not print out my register report at the end of the day, so I have no idea how many suggestive sale items I sold. I did hang out in the candy and Christmas aisles for a better part of the day. And I got to chat with some much-missed co-workers. All in all, a much better day than yesterday. Even with my stressed-out boss telling me work faster.

I Do Not Like It Here

I was totally not excited about being at work today. I felt better after an energy drink. But I still did not want to be there. I hate feeling like that.

Clocking In Late

I have been having problems with a co-worker who cannot seem to make it to work on time. Normally I wouldn't have a problem, but he is my relief and if he is late, that usually means I have to punch out late. And I wouldn't mind punching out late if I didn't get 40 hours a week. But me getting overtime sometimes results in me getting yelled at. Also it seems that this individual does not have any remorse for his tardiness. So I spent a lot of time fussing about this guy this week. And karma got me because I had trouble getting to work on time this week. Yesterday I punched in six minutes late, and today I punched in four minutes late. This kind of tardiness irritates the hell out of me. The lesson here is that I should not have spent so much time fussing about and judging this guy about his tardiness. Because then I ended up being the late one.

My Chinese Boyfriend

A family was standing near my register and the small child began wandering towards the door. His father (presumably) yelled out to him " Don't go near the door! There are cars out there! You get hit, you die!"
I chuckled at his warning, only because it was so direct and intense. Although evidently the boy didn't recognize the severity of the situation and had to be warned again. "You get hit, you die!" When they actually were ready to be rung up, the father asked me how I was doing. I said "Ok."
"Ok. That's it?"
I looked at him and deadpanned "I'm thrilled to be here."
"Thrilled? Why? Is your boyfriend Chinese?"
I burst out laughing and assumed this gentleman was a Chinaman.

The New Girl

I got to train another new girl on the register today. She seems really competent, cool, and fun to work with. I talked with her the most out of everyone I have trained, and I feel that I prepared her the most for the ridiculous nonsense that happens in my second home.

Overage

Our store gives out high-value coupons with certain purchases. These coupons work very well to knock off a significant amount from the total. Each item can have a coupon applied to it. I purchase a lot of name-brand items usually using a $1 off coupon for each of them. Then I get a store-brand item and use a high-value store coupon so the overage from the high-value coupon goes towards the total. This is why extreme couponers often purchase in such bulk; so they can use overage from certain coupons towards other products with low-value coupons.
My Shopping List for Today:
1 Advil Pm-$7.99 on sale, used a $1 off coupon
1 Zicam Extreme Congestion Spray- $10.99 on sale, used a $2 off coupon
5 jars of store-brand tomato sauce- 39 cents each with the store coupon, used a $9 off coupon
2 boxes of Toll House crackers- on sale 2/$5, used a $1 off coupon
My total, with my employee discount, was $8 something. But I got a $2 off coupon for my next purchase.
I'm not extreme enough to get on the t.v show yet, but I'm working on it.

Mushrooms and Other Vegetables

One of our long-time regulars made an appearance today. She is old and I actually assumed she died because she hasn't been here awhile. Anyway, apparently she had to continue shopping elsewhere because she asked to leave her bags at my register. The leafy stalks of her vegetables were sticking out of the bags and my store manager came over and said "What the hell is this? What's happening?" And that threw me into a fit of giggles.

The weather has been getting chillier and people have been coming in their winter berets. I imagine them as little mushroom people toddling around my store. And I imagine our store as a bizarre garden. These mushroom people come up and pay their toll to get out of the store. And they toddle out wearing their mushroom caps.

I think I might be losing my mind.

The Midshift

I worked the midshift today, and it was actually kind of fun. Although I just realized I forgot to print out my register report. Dang. Anyway, I got in at noon, then left at 8:30. I built endstands, did some merchandizing, made a sign, filled in at the register as needed. The day went by real quick. I also had some fun gossiping time and got a lot of exercise running around the store. And I helped out the Cosmetics department. I forgot how fun a midshift can be.

That Customer

I listened to a hilarious transaction between my co-worker and a disgruntled customer. She yelled at me first, asking about Prilosec or Prevacid, and asked me to call someone over there so we could unlock it for her. When she came to the register, there was a miscommunication about her coupons and the amount of raisins she was purchasing. I heard him say "One coupon per item." And then he turned to me so I could verify that with a head nod. She was yelling about how she wanted to use her two Prevacid coupons, but maybe she could just get another box so she could use both her coupons. She sent my co-worker to get her another box. He came back with the wrong item and she just about had a heart attack. When the transaction was complete, she came back and told him he charged her for too many raisins. He politely disagreed and sent her to another counter to get a refund. Which wasn't necessary because he didn't actually charge her for too many raisins. Every time she got loud and fussy he responded quietly with a "yeah", "is that so?" or an "I don't think so." His responses to her were calm and serene and very funny under the circumstances. When she finally left I told him he cracked me up with his customer service skills and he admitted that he wanted to strangle her or tell her to calm the fuck down because whatever she thought was a big deal, wasn't. His approach to the work we do makes me laugh. Although maybe this is one of those "you had to be there" stories.

Peanuts

I would like to apologize to the Russian women I yelled at today about the cost of peanuts. I do not know why I yelled at you like that, and I'm sorry. I could have price-modified your peanuts without so much fussing. Thank you for saying thank you at the end of the transaction.

My Battery Died

I would like to thank my three co-workers who were real helpful and concerned about my car fiasco today. Thank you to Co-Worker #1 for trying to help jump my car and for moving cars around our lot. And for offering to do it much earlier in the day and for letting me put garbage bags in my windows. Thanks to Co-Worker #2 for lending us your keys so we could move your car even though you looked very nervous about doing so. Thanks to Co-Worker #3 for using up some of your lunchtime to stand around with me, looking concerned and offering comments.

While on my lunch break my battery died. My stereo stopped working, and I couldn't roll my window up. I came in from lunch, clocked in, and asked one of my co-workers if he would jump my car. He was all set to do it right then. I told him we might as well wait until I clocked out because I can't go anywhere right now anyway. When I told him my window was down, he let me run outside with some garbage bags so my interior didn't get totally soaked. (It has been raining all day.) Finally, my workday had officially ended, and I clocked out. We went out to my car and realized we would have to move someone else's car. So we went back inside and I talked to the new guy at the register and asked him to either move his car, or give us the keys. He tried to get Co-Worker #3 to cover for him but #3 was already on his lunch. So #1 and #3 and I go outside and rearrange cars. #3 and I stand around for a minute before I tell him I appreciate his willingness to help, but he should be eating his lunch. So he goes inside. #1 and I stand around my car and I get my jumper cables. I brush past my garbage bag windows and try to open my hood. But the release isn't working. I get him to try it and he can't do it either. I'm feeling pretty stupid and he is looking real stressed out and says I might be popped. Then he asks if I had called my boyfriend yet. I told him no, because he is still at work. I get him to try again and we still can't get it. So I let him know I really appreciate his help, and I guess I'll walk home. I go inside to tell my manager not to tow my car. She says I need to get it by midnight because the towing company does overnight towing. She realized that at her old store when she told some woman they wouldn't tow her car and the store had to give this woman tow money.
Anyway, I walked home and my boyfriend picked me up a few hours later to go back to my car. Which he jumped successfully.

Those Are Unwrapped Candies In Your Make-Up Bag

Someone came to my counter looking for cigarettes. No problem. What was a problem was that this individual (whom I thought was a male, but my co-worker thought was a female) had blood on his sweater. He also seemed to be using the pink and black polka-dotted make-up bag as a wallet. And from this "wallet" popped out an unwrapped, but obviously sucked-on butterscotch hard candy and a starlight mint. These sticky things were sitting on my counter while he was digging though the bag looking for a card. The card was found, and then unstuck from this gentleman's fingertips. I got him his Parliament smokes which he ripped the cellophane off of, then the foil, then the top of the box. All of these items he handed to me to throw away, and all of them I had to pull off his sticky fingers. He put the smokes, his card, and the two pieces of hard candy back into his bag/wallet. I have to admit, I was happy he took the candy with him and did not ask me to throw it away, but I am concerned about the overall contents and cleanliness of that little polka-dot of mayhem.

Popped Blood Vessels

I have a popped blood vessel in my eye, as confirmed by one of my regulars who may or may not be a nurse, as well as the pharmacist in my store. It looks pretty gnarly and when I point it out to people, I get a little gasp.
So I went on lunch and had the "new" girl cover for me. Apparently while I was out, black guy in a bomber hat and a big green coat tried to short-change her. He probably would have succeeded had my managers not been standing there. I get back from lunch and go up to the register to take care of the line and he pops up. He looks stoned out of his mind  so I say "What can I get for ya man?" He just looks at me, and kind of nods.
"Whatchu need? What can I get for you?"
"Oh. Your name and phone number. Your eyes are beautiful." I point out the popped blood vessel and say
"Its' terrible. Gross, really. I don't even know how it happened." He asks for my info again, so I say
"Can't do it man. Anything else?" He wanders away.
Later, I am milling around chit-chatting with my boss and my co-worker. My boss asks if I know that guy.
"Who?"
"The one in the jacket who was trying to shortchange the girl up front. Is he a friend of yours?"
Uh, no. He did say I have beautiful eyes and he wanted my number."
"Oh, right. He liked your eyes even though they look like they're going to start bleeding all over the place and you can hardly see?"
"Whoa, man! Where is this hostility coming from? First of all, I get compliments on my eyes ALL the time. And second of all, I can see and my eyes are not about to bleed and pop out. So chill out!" I call over to another co-worker to confirm I get eye compliments all the time. He did a poor job of confirming, but it was confirmed.
When I actually get back to work, my boss approaches me in the aisle and tells me I should say really weird stuff to people who hit on me. Like to the guy who asked me out to coffee, but it was ok because his wife knew about it, apparently I should have said "Yeah, but what will my wife think? She doesn't know about it."
I told my boss that he was being a little weird himself right now, and that I prefer the direct approach when people COMPLIMENT MY EYES or ask for my number. I prefer to say things like "Take a step back man, I ain't interested." or "Yes I do have a boyfriend, and I am happy with him and I don't need to 'get to know you better'."
Once I even told a guy (who was pretty much stalking me at that point) to stop creeping me out, talking to me, trying to get me to get him a job and to GET THE HELL OUT OF MY AISLE before something bad happens. At that point though, I got out of my own aisle and told my then-manager to go over there and kick him out of the store before I had a chance to call the cops or my boyfriend, or to take matters into my own hands which would have resulted in screaming and possible physical violence. I get a little out of control sometimes, but I can usually hold my own when it comes to inappropriate customers. Or bosses. Or co-workers.

Swisher Sweets

The Swisher vendor came in today and we chatted a little. I told him I almost exclusively sell the Swisher singles. He said that couldn't be true because a lot of them are stale. So then I told him the White Owl White Grapes are my biggest seller. He told me those are killing his sales and Swisher made a multi-pack like that but it isn't at enough stores yet.

Hats

Today I helped an elderly woman with a self-assessed big head find a hat. I also helped her unbuckle it.

Change

Let me explain something to you. I do not work in a bank. My priorities do not include making sure each person gets change. I will not give change for $50s or $100s. I cannot open the drawer in the middle of a transaction to make you change. It is helpful and sweet of you to ask for change when the drawer is already open. It is not my fault you have no quarters to do laundry and now you are in a rush because you plan things badly. I probably do not have a roll of quarters in my drawer, so you will have to wait for my manager or be ok with a huge handful of quarters. If you need change, do not stand extra-close to me or my register. It makes me nervous, and I probably do not like you anyway. If you ask for cash back from your debit card and you need particular denominations, ask me before I close the damn drawer. If I have a line or if there is an actual customer in the vicinity, I will ring them up before giving you change. Why? Because I do not work in a bank and my priorities do not include making sure you have change.

Some hot girl and her hot boyfriend came up and had a checkbook. It was pink, so I assumed it was hers. When she asked for a pen, I told her I would need and ID with that. She asked her boyfriend to write it out and he wrote "seventeen twenty seven" on the "pay to the order of" line. Then she asked if she was doing it right. I was about to tell her, but one of my irritating regulars popped up and started laughing at them in a way that was making ME mad. I told her she had to void the check and the woman behind her asked when she got the checking account. Turns out the girl just turned 18 (which I would have known if I had checked her ID closely) and just got a new checking account. She acknowledged they taught check-writing in high school, but evidently she and her boyfriend were getting to know each other during that lesson. They seemed more embarrassed and stressed out because of her comments and laughter than they would have been if it was just me helping them out.