New EXA and Old Assholes

The title is misleading. The old asshole I am referring to is this middle or high school girl who comes in many mornings, buys junk food, and is very rude. Today she was making snide comments about me to her friend...making it sound like I was stupid for asking if the drinks were together. When she got her change from the coin machine she, with attitude, slams down the quarter and asks for a "less yucky" one. Then she asks for a quarter instead of the two dimes and nickel the machine gave her. I opened up the drawer, saw that we had no change, slammed it, and said "nope". And she said, sideways and to her friend,
"Baaadd service. I'ma tell everyone to shop at the store at the corner."
Her friend said that if she was the cashier, she would have already slapped her. Thanks, honey.

I was having such a good morning, and then I got to work. I was unnecessarily short and kind of rude to an employee from another store. Not even sure why. Maybe because it was early and the machines weren't working right.

My coworkers made fun of me, then my lunch. Just like middle school. Except now I actually tell people to "shut the fuck up."

Poor Scheduling

My manager had me stay a half hour overtime because he didn't schedule enough people.

 On my way off the register, some woman asked if I could help her in Cosmetics. Which I stupidly agreed to. I met her over there, and she showed me some make-up. Then she handed me the kind of remover she wanted. She asked for the aloe vera and when I told her where it was, she just stood there until I walked her over there. And she handed me the bottle she wanted. We went back to the make-up and she stood there until I pointed out exactly what she wanted, and I had to hold that too. FYI, she had no apparent disability. I tried to tell her where the Advil was, and then she repeated "Aisle 9", like I just said "Uzbeckistan". She needed some insoles for her heels, and when she asked for help finding out which ones, I told her to ask the pharmacist. Then she looked down to aisle 9 like the walk was unbearable. I ended up walking over there with her because her stupidity was unbelievable that I felt like I should help. Apparently she couldn't tell the difference between "high heel" and "open toe" insoles. My god. She asked if I could ring her up and I told her no because I had to go. I handed her all her stuff, which she reluctantly took.

Of Course I Have One

The loyalty program cards are continuing to be a huge nuisance. People who speak Russian to their older companions and completely ignore their cashiers should not yell and be ignorant to said cashier.

I think we have a new girl. She was very elusive.

I told the lovely magazine vendor about this fantastic online publication, such as it is. She was surprised I actually had one, and she was appalled I never told her about it before. Hopefully it lives up to expectations. Past, even.

Cheetos are on sale, 2/$5. Should I get them? Of course not. Will I? Perhaps.

Mean Girls

Everyone was mean today. There was a lot of stress going on because today was the day that our loyalty card really took hold. When I came back from lunch, our customers couldn't get the sale price without having our loyalty card. It is very difficult to set up cards for old people who can't hear, see, or think at 100%. It is even more difficult to set up cards for people who don't speak English. I don't think corporate thought this through at all. I have had a few people say they would no longer shop at our store, which I do not believe or care about, but it is the thought that counts.

My anger level had better mellow out before I bust something.

Back To Normal

I was back at my home store. Today was warehouse day. I noticed there were fewer totes, and that the warehouse sent over a lot of our stuff in kinda flimsy boxes. I wonder what their reasoning is.

I helped this older woman find nail polish. She was flustered at the colors we had, which were apparently too bright and for young people. She also had a problem with chipping, and she wanted something that wouldn't show it too much. After I recommended Wet N' Wild and Sally Hansen Hard As Nails, I rung her up at my register. She had told me she was headed on vacation within the next few days, and she wanted something for her vaycay to show off to her friends. So when I told her to have a good trip, she said she might, because of my help. She also told me I was very sweet. I felt like I might be starring in a training video for how to interact with customers nicely, while in Cos.

I saw this mom and kid wandering through my store, and the kid had one of my big balloons from the Hallmark aisle. I knew she wasn't going to buy it, and sure enough, ten minutes later, the damn kid is screaming his head off near the door. I will never understand why parents let their kids hold balloons and toys they have no intention of buying. It seems like it sends mixed signals to the child. And it creates work for us. And it makes those damn kids act a fool when they leave. Although maybe I should wait for a few months before I start judging.

I prevented two unwanted belly-touches by yelling and backing away. The second one was more funny because she said she acted like that too, except more rude.

I'm exhausted.

The New Store

I got sent over to work in the new store today. And it went pretty well. For a few reasons: First, I got there on time and we left early (good for my psyche, bad for my paycheck). Second, no customers because the store isn't actually open yet. Third, our boss got us pizza and some pops. Yes, I can be cheered with grade-school bribery. I felt like I made a good impression because I didn't spend the day gossiping (I didn't know anyone there and it wasn't until late afternoon that someone started talking to me), I know how to do resets (apparently he didn't think I did) and I worked consistantly hard throughout the day.
When someone did start talking to me, she told me her life story pretty much. I can't remember her name or store but I know that she is a mom, her man left after screwing her life up, and she lives with her parents. She talked about being pregnant, and about how lonely she is, and how she wishes she could have done a few things differently. Why she chose to share all this is beyond me. It is not the first time I've had that affect on someone. Obviously I have chosen the wrong profession.

The Repeater

There was some unrest today. As usual, I felt kind of persecuted, although I'm not sure why. The new guy moved and/or got rid of the boxes I was saving even though they were labeled "save". Either he has OCD or he is an asshole. Or he is stupid.

I finally got the info I need to take my leave sucessfully. I got all the telephone numbers and the forms and hopefully all the right info. I'm not trying to cheat the system, but I want what I want and I will be sure I get it.  And I am someone who reads the fine print and makes sure she is getting the most out of whatever is going on. I got this.

The Repeater came in today. And she asked when the baby was due.
"January."
"Oh, January? Oh, you should be fine. ... You should be fine. You'll be fine."
"Umm, yes I know I'll be fine."
"Because we are almost in November, and January isn't that far away from November, so you should be fine."
"Yes, I know that."

What Not To Wear

I read an article in Psychology Today that said worker's appearances are more put together on Monday and slowly declined throughout the week. Because people psych themselves up to get back to work Monday. It would seem that no one psychs themselves up to go to my store. One heavyset woman was wearing a red, stretched-out Christmas shirt that said 'Joy' across the front. No good. Another woman, mom of three, had a misshapen grey nylon skirt over faded imitation Adidas track pants. Her shirt was an unfortuante shade of green, with some logo on the front. Her sweatshirt was tied around her waist. And she was wearing cheap-looking running shoes. I have my own sloppy days, but I try not to wear clothes that look like I found them behind a building. I also have a basic standard of what I have to look like to show up in public. It would seem that many people who come through my store do not have that standard.

My manager showed me two videos of his cat. He got the cat from some woman in the airport and brought him home in a box. He kept trying to tell me it was his ma's cat, but he had several stories and two videos of his "mother's cat". At least I'm upfront about my love of my cats.

Breaking Phones

Early this morning a guy I've seen before told me I look to young to be a mom. He said it with a thick Chinese (?) accent. I cheerifully told him he shouldn't say things like that because he just doesn't know. Not sure if he understood me. What I do know is, the bump brings out the crazy.

A regular of mine was purchasing a house phone. Her third in about five months.
"He broke another phone?"
"Yeah! I told him not to, but he was calling unemployment and they said they lost the money and he got upset and threw the phone across the room. Which I told him not to, but he did anyway. And now we have to get a new phone."
"That would piss me off."
"Yeah."

Apparently one of my customers has the gift of prophecy. She guessed the sex of my unborn child. Her mother could always guess, she said. Boy-carriers are more pointy and they carry lower.

I helped a woman find a dark matte lipstick to help cover the bruising from her getting her lips plumped.

Smooshed Children

Four unsupervised children came in today. The oldest was maybe 12. The youngest, maybe 7, was standing in the doorway. We have those motion-sensor doors that will cause bodily  harm if tampered with. I saw this kid, did a quick visual survey for his caretaker, then yelled out:
"What's up little dude? Don't be playing in the door like that! We don't want you to get smooshed, okay?"
He looks at me all kinds of crazy, but then he moves. He moved into our lobby area and gave me several more odd looks. I can say that, right?

This month is Open Enrollment for our health insurance. Note to self: renew insurance. 

Bullet Holes

This guy asked me if my lip piercing hurt.
"Nope. Not now."
"But it did when you got it done?"
"Kind of."
"Do they give you anything to numb it?"
"No. They figure if you can't handle the pain, you shouldn't be getting it done."
"Yeah, that makes sense. Well, I got four bullet holes in me. Those hurt a lot worse than that piercing I bet."
"I'd bet on that too."
"Ok then, take care of that lip."
"Will do. You take care of those bullet holes sir."
His female companion thought that was hilarious. Was this guy trying to one-up me? Or just making awkward conversation?

A black woman in scrubs came to my register with a similar-looking companion.
"No child should be racist. This is 2012. Get it together." ,
she says to her friend. They were obviously in the middle of a conversation, but that comment stands by itself as well.

A girl from my high school came in today. She has beautiful reddish curly hair. She took a visual inventory of what I had been doing since I'd seen her last. (She came in once before and we caught up.) Last time she gave me one of those "Jesus Saves" pamphlets, but she did not leave one with me this time. Maybe I'm too far gone?

One of my fave coworkers got me some boxes for my grandmother today. Thanks, honey.

Ambulance

I look over to see my manager leaning over to try to talk to one of our elderly regulars. The elderly regular is slouched down in one of the photo chairs, like a teenager, and she is somewhat unresponsive. I told my manager that she was old-people deaf, and she probably just fell asleep and can't hear her. However, she is kind of responsive; she is mumbling answers for my manager. My manger then tells one of us to call an ambulance. My co-worker, who has the calmest voice ever, did the honors. When the E.M.Ts got there, they asked her a bunch of questions, took her blood pressure (which was apparently very low) and strapped her to a stretcher. There was about four E.M.Ts ... one guy to walk in and out a bunch of times, two guys to talk to her and wheel out the stretcher, and one guy to push her old lady cart. I hope she's ok.

This guy came in pretty early and bought the Vitner's Moviestyle Popcorn. He was pretty excited we carried it, because apparently a bunch of stores do not. Apparently one of our stores in Elmhurst used to have them, and now they don't. And that is ridiculous, because apparently this is very good popcorn. I liked this guy because he has some unique Chicago loyalty. However, he had the same speech pattern and voice tone as Big Red, and I found that disconcerting.

We have a new loyalty card program, and this guy with a heavy Russian accent just could not handle it.
"Why everybody have cards now? Everybody have card. Like in preeson. You know?"
No sir. I do not know.

Several people have said I looked great. But one of my regulars said that I look big. She also said she noticed I gained weight in my face (fuck, I hope not). She said it so nicely I must have gotten confused, because I wasn't mad at all. And like Riki Lake says, "I'm a woman in this society, so weight will always been an issue."

How Much Longer?

How long has it been since I was in my aisle? How many boxes do I have piled up back there? Will I get to work on time at all next week? Why do I feel management is against me?

I got an unofficial customer complaint today. She said I didn't ask her for her loyalty card, thus she forgot to hand it to me. (Although I think it's on her keys, which she was holding.) She told my store manager that she is old and forgets stuff, but actually it's all my fault that she forgot, because I should have asked her. Which to me is ridiculous. As someone who has way too many loyalty cards, and has a terrible memory, I appreciate when people remind me to swipe, but I do not count on them to do so. Also, she tried to get me to use a coupon that didn't match the product in the transaction. And I was annoyed that both my bosses had to say something to me about her.

I hate this place.

Sweet Dreams Are Made of This

Last night my dream took place near the front register of my store, and in the Hallmark aisle. And I was talking to my former coworker, who has retired in real life. In my dream she was even smaller than in real life. I don't know what is going on in my subconscious that would allow me to dream of a place I spend 40 hours of my waking life in, but I don't like it.

Number of People Who Mentioned My Pregnancy:
Ten
Number of People Who Touched My Belly Without Asking:
One
To the odd woman out: I will remember you, and I swear to Jesus if you do that again I will have a freakout.

A guy buying smokes told me he doesn't actually smoke. I didn't really hear him, so I said ok. Then he said,
"I'm buying my ex-wife smokes so she'll lay off me."
"Sounds like you got a situation there."

High School

I saw a kid I was friends with in high school. We recognized each other at the same time, which was nice. And he mentioned he noticed my picture on Facebook, going to VeganMania. Yep, that's me ! I see his posts on FB, which are far to long so I never read them.

My manager refused to answer several of my calls. By the time he came to do a pick-up, the amount was so large the register wouldn't let him take it all at once. So there.

Life Stories and More Squirrels

I'm not sure what it is about me or my position, but I get an awful lot of life stories. I have a feeling I would get even more if I was a bartender. Anyway, this woman asked me how far along I am, so I told her five. She said she is four. And she has an eight-month old at home. I said,
"Wow, that's intense."
And she said,
"No, it's awful. And now I'm four months along again. Well, good luck!"
Sweet baby Jesus.

After I punch out I head into the office to request some days off. And my store manager is talking on the phone, to his wife.
"No, I'm sure that wasn't a rat....Because! When in the hell are rats on roofs?! ... Well, they were probably eating or scaring the shit out of that black crow on the other side of the roof. ... You haven't seen the black crow? ... He is right up there with those black squirrels. ... Yes, the black squirrels! ... NO, I'm not making this up. ... I will be leaving in about twenty minutes, but only if you let me get off the phone."
He turns to me and asks if I've seen the black squirrels. Then he asks why the milk was scanned in with the cigarettes. Luckily I had already punched out and was under little obligation to answer and assist.