What I Hate Is...

I don't really hate my job, although I can understand why you think I do. I hate a lot of other things though...
I Hate:
1) When the same people ask me the same goddamn questions over and over:
"I didn't know you were pregnant! When are you due?"
Funny, you asked me that last week. And the week before.
"Are you going to leave work soon?"
Whenever the fuck I can.
2) Being reminded that I am fighting with the leave people.
3) When my managers say stupid and inappropriate things.
4) Being tired almost all day.
5) Having my hips, thighs, and the bottoms of my feet hurt unbelievably, and for most of the day.
6) Having someone comment on me sitting.
7) Having people think I should be in quarantine now.
8) Buying then eating the junk food we sell.
9) Being scheduled five days in a row.
10) Being late. But also clocking out late.
11) The smell of the break room.
12) The idiocy of some of my co-workers.
13) Most, if not all, the comments from customers.
14) Leaving my coupons at home.
15) Paging my coworkers or managers and not getting a response.
16) That woman with the weird smiling tic who complained about my Hallmark aisle.
17) That big, disrespectful girl who always has something to say, but shouldn't be coming in in the first place.
18) Touchers.
19) Customers who need a lot of help. Like, a lot.

Maybe I do hate my job! J/k, I just like list-making. I get frustrated at work, and I try not to think about injustices and stupid decisions too frequently. But I am glad I am employed and I am glad my job is at a place that will possibly allow me to climb. So there.  

Hallmark Coupons

I have only seen one Hallmark coupon in my entire life, and it was a peelie from a Crush bottle during Valentine's Day. Speaking of Hallmark, that was where I spent my entire day. Which I was stoked about because it was unexpected. I rushed up to the register and found my coworker standing there. Oh...then I rushed into the office to double-check the schedule. Btw, my "rushing" is really more of a quick waddle with a lot of arm-swinging that makes me feel like I'm mall-walking. I got to pull down Christmas, consolidate New Year's, rebuild Valentine's and fill in Everyday. But no, we don't have a Birthday card for your cousin. Should you just buy a non-cousin-specified card? Yes. You should.

I purchased a "money maker" item today, wherein I got a coupon that was worth more than what I paid for the item and my coworker asked how I knew that was going to happen.
"Because I fucking love coupons and because I was up at 6 am today looking at our sales paper online."
As much as I love coupons, I only love them when used appropriately. You have to read the coupon...I am one of those bitch cashiers that reads the coupon and scans the screen to make sure they match up. I will turn you down if you can't read the damn coupon. Nicely, though.

I work tomorrow and I am already thanking baby Jesus that our store does not sell booze. Even though I only work till 5pm...some people in our neighborhood get to partying early.

THURSDAY!!!:
I remembered last night around midnight that I forgot to post after my shift on Thursday. Probably because around 10am I told my managers I was sick. Which was true. I had thrown up that morning, dry heaved on my break, and was pretty sure I was having contractions. Plus, I was an emotional wreck, for some reason. I called my husband from the bathroom, crying, and he encouraged me to come home. And thanks to the quick action of my managers, I was back in bed by 11:41 am.

50% Off

"I thought the fragrances were fifty percent off."
"They are."
"They are usually marked down."
"Yes, this time they are too."
"So they are fifty percent off?"
"Sir, listen. Yes. The fragrances are marked down."
"Oh, they are? Can you hold this up here while I keep shopping?"
"Sure."
That was a big portion of my day. The gift sets are narked down, and people were taking advantage of that. And yes, I did grab a few for myself.

I was exhausted when I came in. Because I go to bed too late, and I don't sleep all the way through the night. And I had this terrible feeling that my coworkers don't like me anymore. Or that I wasn't part of the group. The feeling waned later in the day,  but it was still unnerving.

Merry Christmas (Eve)

We were super-busy today. Like, all I did was put up a few cards and ring people up.

This woman was mean to me, in a confusing sort of way. She was rude about the price of candy, didn't want to get a rewards card (but I made her), talked about wasting time on Christmas...whatever. Karma will get her.

Most people were decent today, though. Even when our gift cards wouldn't go through.

Our boss brought in lunch for us.

I was super-happy to get the hell out of there.

Another New Guy

I took it easy today because there was a new guy. My manager is mean and said he didn't trust me to train him, so he did it himself. And poorly. And my manager also pointed out some of my grey hairs, and he pushed me, said I don't work hard, and said I can't count. Being a douche is not a good way to motivate me. I guess I won't be talking to him much anymore.

A friend of mine stopped by and we laughed and joked and made plans for later. I missed her and I'm super-glad she has re-entered my life.

Are You Pregnant Too?

A couple of folks came to my register trying to play games and joke around. I was sleep-deprived and hating my job, so I really wasn't that friendly. She picked up on that but he didn't. She did, however, ask my co-worker if she was pregnant too. She isn't. It took a lot of restraint for me to not bust out laughing.

I did not get enough sleep last night and I determined to get enough tonight. Too bad I'm not tired yet. I hate being tired at work.

Wacked Out Willy

Whacked Out Willy is obviously not the man's real name, but it'll do. There is this guy who comes in who appears to be off his medication again. He stands around my register and kind of chuckles to himself. I have avoided eye contact with this man for a while now, on account of I think he thinks I'm flirting with him if I look at him directly. He came in several times today, hung out in the pharmacy and around my register. Each time he came by I was supposed to call my store manager. Which is fine with me, because he creeps me the fuck out. I'm just not sure how aware he is of everything. What I do know is that he may or may not have come in with a writer from The Onion, and he for sure said they should use the duct tape he was buying to wrap someone up before killing them. I mentioned that to my store manager who said I should have said something earlier because he wants to call the cops on him. Because my manager just read something else in the news about some psychopath going off his meds and killing. This is the kind of situation that should allow me to go on my leave earlier.

I saw a guy I knew in high school and said hey to him. It was sufficiently awkward.

Wiped Out

Work really wiped me out today. The hours ticked by much too slowly, and I could feel my feet swell throughout the day. My hips and lower back hurt more than they had been. And many people are not in the Christmas spirit.

An Indian gentleman with three successive colors in his beard came to my register today with a big box of Trojan Sensitive Condoms. I asked for his store card and it took him a few tries to get his phone number in correctly. He then wasn't sure where his wallet was. And he needed a double bag. I think he was flustered because of his purchase. Can't imagine why.

"Gaucamole" Chips

We got warehouse in today, and I made sure people knew I was on the look-out for those On The Border Guacamole chips. They are green and supposedly made with "real" avocado and I have been thinking about them for a few days. I was finally able to get them. Two for $3.40, before tax. Then I ate far too many.

12/12/12

I stayed 23 minutes late because my coworkers are assholes and because we were busy. But because I wasn't rushing to a social engagement or another place of employment I wasn't actually that pissed. I was, however, exhausted.

I am so tired when I get to work. And lately I've been indulging in an AM pop, which I don't really approve of. One of my sort-of regulars told me she shit on herself during the birth of her first, and no one cleaned it up for awhile. But she did like the drug effects.

I got a great deal on three little Hershey bars and two big 'uns. The book I'm reading said there were benefits to eating chocolate...wonder what the benefits of eating two yogurts a day are?

Leave Before Doomsday

I think this company makes taking a leave as complicated as possible so one feels the urge to quit and say "fuck it" instead of follow through to get the benefits one deserves. I have been calling the leave people and doing my own research on the company website and trying to figure out how best to go about all this, and the help I received has been insufficient. And everyone tells me something different. And apparently I will have to work until my water breaks. Which is ridiculous. What I am afraid of is missing out on benefits that should be mine, or not filling something out correctly and being told I can't come back to work, or that I can't leave. And this is leading to me being stressed about my job security and finances in general.

A regular informed me that while I was out someone died in our parking lot. A neighbor confirmed.

My co-worker says that tomorrow something cool will happen because of the date. (12/12/12) And he says Nostradamus is probably right, therefore the end of the world is coming. I asked him if he was stockpiling. He is not. I am stockpiling, but only because that is what good couponers do.

Marriage Makes You Ugly, Apparently

Two women were in line and one says to the other, with recognition in her voice,
"Heeeyyy! How are you?"
"Oh, hey! I'm good, how are you?"
"Fine.."
She looks at her more closely.
"Wait. What was your name again?"
She tells her.
"Oh. I thought you were ....(so and so)"
"Nope."
"Are you married?"
"No, I'm not."
"That is so great. That's why you look so great. Because you're not married. Marriage is so stressful, and it makes you ugly."
"Does it?"
"Yes! Look at me!"
"Ohhhh, no! You look great!"
"Not as good as you. My marriage was 13 years and look at what it did to me."
It is true that she didn't look as good as her. After declaring this beauty no-no, she turns to me, sees my ring and belly and says,
"I'm sorry. We must really be scaring you. You probably just got married and you have a baby on the way.."
"Yeah, I got married about a week ago, but it's fine."
Then she told me to get a C-Section done because hers was "fantastic".
To the woman behind her in line I said,
"I like your Christmas sweatshirt. She must have had one helluva morning."
She laughed and agreed.

Can I Leave Now?

I was working in the Hallmark aisle a little this morning. Then I decided to look out for me and try to find the paperwork and information for my leave. It was much more difficult then it should have been. My manager even decided he could comment on the amount of time I was thinking about taking off. I have a lot of beuracratic phone calls to make, and I am stressed and not looking forward to it. Everytime I call one of these suits, I get a different answer.

We had two no call no shows today. And one of the guys who showed up was possibly still drunk.

On the upside, one of my regulars said I was one of the cutest pregnant girl shes' ever seen.

Liar, Liar

At approximately 8:01 this morning, a woman I do not like called me a liar. Repeatedly. And she said it wasn't nice that I was lying and that when she gets her credit statement back they will make me take a lie detector test and then everyone will know that I am a liar. Thank god I was able to drink half my second cup of coffee. The issue was that she either wanted the American Express cards she didn't pay for, and wanted to know why they weren't in her bag. Or she didn't want them and she felt like she was charged for them. The real issue here is that she probably doesn't know what the word "pending" means. Her daughter (who was with her on the original trip) seemed dazed and confused. I.e, slow. I will give the old woman props, though. She came back this afternoon and apologized to me. But it was a conditional apology, because she was sorry for now, but if her statement comes back and the charges are on it she won't be sorry anymore. And she had a few excuses for her behavior. (She was running late to a doctor's appointment and she shops at my store often and doesn't want people to be difficult towards her.) Still...at least she felt sort of bad.

My mother witnessed the apology but I'm not sure she was listening. Anytime I see Ma in the store, I feel like a dum-dum because it is either too early, or my shift is almost over and I am worn out from the day.

The new guy needs to watch his tone.

I'm asking my doctor tomorrow when I can start my sick leave. My feet and legs are so puffy, I feel like I need to drain them.

Gas-X?

I had to drag the photo chair over earlier than usual. My feet were really hurting. Now it is the tops of them, along with the outer edge of my heel, and the ball of my foot. I bought new running Nikes from the boy's department, but apparently even that isn't good enough.

This pregnancy gas is not making me any friends.

I Have No Control In That Matter

I have misplaced my notebook and I am once again fearing the worst.

I would have punched in on time today except the goddamn time clock didn't recognize my employee ID. It really irritates me that I am late (by a few minutes) so frequently. I tell myself what time I need to leave, I pack my purse and my lunch the night before, and I set out my outfit. What the hell else can I do?!

For those of you who encounter a cashier in your lifetime, please remember this: she has no control over store policy. She may or may not see the logic in it. All she does is enforce or inform. She does not set prices, raise taxes, or come up with promotions. She was not the one who thought of the member card. She was not the one who didn't put the new mylar up, leading to a price negotiation. Her feet are exceptionally puffy and her fetus is doing a lot of forward rolling, and she does not appreciate that look you just gave her. She has no control in that matter.

Friday and Today

It is upsetting to me that sometimes I forget to post to this.

On Friday this guy came to my register with ice cream, pudding, applesauce, and a teen girl magazine. I asked him for our membership card, then if he wanted any candy. (My suggestive sale stuff). He said no, because this stuff wasn't even for him. He motions behind him and says,
"For her. She just got one of her teeth pulled."
"Just one?"
"Well, one was traumatizing enough."
"Of course!"
I lean around the extra-large man, whom I assume is her father, and wish her a speedy recovery. Poor girl has a bloody piece of gauze hanging out of her mouth and her cheek is swollen.

The Others

Life at the Register is so much easier when I'm getting along with my coworkers. And when I have good pockets.

My feet hurt so bad today. And the pain was in my heels and the surrounding area. I'm off tomorrow and I think I'll get new shoes.

I spent a few minutes in my aisle and I noticed a non-Hallmark or Shoebox card. On the outside it said:
"The Democrats stole your cake!"
and the inside:
"They distributed it among people who were not fortuante to have birthdays."
Or something very much like that. My manager and I thought it seemed aggressive. I have no idea where or from whom it came.

Hallmark Letdown

We got super-busy right after lunch and until I left. I hardly had a moment to sit down. Yeah that's right, I have myself a chair up there. I need one. The bottoms of my feet become unbelievably sore.

The Hallmark people came in and set up the display like how they wanted. They took down a portion of the Taylor Swift display, because they can. I always feel a little stupid when they come in because my department is slightly disorganized, the boxes are hard to get to and they always seem to come during a crisis. We discussed the fate of the Hallmark aisle, and things are not looking that good. I just wish that I was scheduled in that aisle a little more often. It is much to hard to keep running back and forth between Hallmark and One.

I wish that when I called for a manager, one would answer. Because me not being able to get my break today was kinda rough.

Thumbless

I lost my notebook. Which is (was?) one of those dinky Mead ones from Aisle 7. I wrote everything in it. It is part diary/ part mind-saver. I'm envisioning a Harriet The Spy scenario that is starting to make me nervous. Luckily I had just spilled a bunch of water on it so it looks kind of raggedy.

This Asian guy came in and bought some smokes. I noticed he was missing one thumb, in addition to the thumb-joint. I spent some time thinking about how he may have lost that thumb.

I Get By

I get so tired! My feet start hurting (just the bottoms) and my 1/2 starts moving around a lot...and the whole situation makes me tired. I wish I could work 1/2 days, but I cut my hours from 40 to 32 already and how will I afford my Groupon Goods if I don't work full time?

I was in the Hallmark aisle. I know I irritated the forigen guy because I told the manager I would take my lunch at 1:30. And he goes,
"What time I go? I go to lunch?"
"Not at 1:30."
Apparently he got to work before I did, but he should have gone way earlier. And whatever, he never "hears" my pages and I'm freaking preggs, k?

Someone touched my belly today. And it was freaking weird. But I was too tired to be aggressive.

Note to the New Girl:
Even if your sister screws you over, figure out a way to make it to your first day of work.

Not Last Night But The Night Before...

I have been without internet for the past few days. Yes, I could have gone to my mother's, or the library. And I might have, if this had been a term paper.

The Day Before Yesterday:
My boss thinks it is a good idea to schedule the second shift Register One at 5:30 pm and my end time at 4:30 pm. I asked someone to cover for me; after standing around an extra 10 minutes, I usually figure it out. As I was thanking and leaving the gentleman who was standing in, I yank my water bottle off the register. I had not screwed the top on all the way and almost succeeding in dousing the poor boy. I managed to locate a roll of paper towels and finally got the hell outta there.

Yesterday:
One of my favorite co-workers told me he felt like was a piece of meat. He was being bossed around by three ladies, and I believe he was the only male on duty. We had him doing our heavy lifting and grunt work. I told him to grab the boxes that were "eye-level". Given that there is about a foot height difference between us, this might be poor instruction. Besides, the boxes I really needed were at shin-level.

Today:
I had an opportunity to be difficult to a customer that was previously very rude to me. I heard her talking shit about me, and I pretended I didn't hear. I also pretended I didn't know what she wanted when I absolutely did. My fave co-worker gave her the same blank stare I did. Thats' what happens, bitch.
Two people bought pregnancy tests today. One woman told me she "didn't really even know the fool". She was very annoyed but didn't seem too stressed. I gave her good vibes. The other woman was just standing there on her phone while her man (wearing a grey t-shirt with a multi-colored cat face wearing giant multi-colored sunglasses) bought it for them. He is just over 18, which I know because he smokes American Spirits Light Greens. Good luck to them. I wonder if either of them saw me as a sign. I would.

You Can Spend A Whole Week In The British Museum

I spent the whole day on the Cos Wall with the Telzon. The last few minutes of my shift were spent gossiping.

I missed some previous posts because I haven't gotten my internet set up at home yet. Very disorienting. And many of my days blend together.

Counting Cards

I spent a few hours sorting Hallmark cards by price point. While I was hunched over on the stool,  it felt like my half was trying to bust through my belly button.

The tension between me and that girl is kind of high. But apparently everyone else feels the same way.

English, Please

I think, although I cannot be sure, that the new guy is also the new Shift Leader. I know that he works hard, and he made a good impression on a few of managers, including the store manager. Good for him. The problem I have here is that the man does not speak fluent English. I watched him answer a request for a raincheck and he had to have another employee translate what the customer wanted. I don't mean to be closed-minded, but that is ridiculous. I believe that management should have a firm grasp on the English language, if they are to be employed in this country. My pregnancy better be the only reason I was passed over for this position.

Same Old, Same Old

One of my regulars let me know that I was gaining weight. No shit, Sherlock.

I ha(d) (ve) terrible heartburn.

My heels have started to hurt a little past the halfway mark of my workday. Two of my coworkers have said I should drag a chair to the register. They are sure no one say anything; I am not as sure.

Lyrics

"Another day, another doller
another bill-collecting caller."

Technical Difficulties

When I got in this morning the registers were down. Apparently my boss tried to update all the registers at once, and at 7:30 am, which is only a half hour before we open. Our registers were down for about two hours. For a little while the registers in pharmacy were working, but they shut themselves down. So me and the boss rung people up with two Telzons, one calculator, and a lot of patience. I think we did pretty well.

I got myself a planner for next year (or whenever, because its one of those that you can write the dates in). It was $7.79 on clearance. I thought about buying it last week, so when it showed up at my register as overstock from someone else and those ladies who were looking at it didn't buy it, I decided I should get it.

The Crazies

This woman came in and overpaid me. The change machine gave her her change and she refused to take it. I asked if she wanted to take the 17 cents out of the 37 cents she gave me and she looked at what she was giving me, looked at me, and said
"That is 17 cents. And that is all you are getting. I do not get any change."
The last time I tried to give her money back ($1) she told me I was stupid and that my lip ring made me look foolish. So I did not argue with her. Today I detected a faint English or Irish accent. I also noticed she wore houseshoes out and had a terry-cloth nightgown under her coat. Her hair is cut in a pixie and her glasses are oddly outdated. Something about her doesn't feel right.

Two people asked me to ring their stuff up seperate when they realized they didn't have enough for both items at once. I tried to tell them that ringing seperate would not help their lack of funds, but one person was slow and the other was a child, so they had me do it anyway. Just to check.

A lady told my manager and I that she pays $1.50 extra each month to have her phone number unlisted, so she did not want to give us her number to get the store card. She said she is never shopping here again. But that the store by her house will give her the discount because they know her. (This is probably not true).

Those middle-school bitches who are so rude to me got kicked out of the store today. By our new EXA. I told him I had been trying to do that for years. Yes sir!

It would be awful not to be able to trust your own mind. Or would it be worse to think you could and have people contradict you? 

Friday and Today

Friday:
Thank goodness I wore waterproof mascara.

Today:
I unwrapped and read a lot of Christmas cards. I felt very sentimental. I think I'm ready for the darkness and the snow.

New EXA and Old Assholes

The title is misleading. The old asshole I am referring to is this middle or high school girl who comes in many mornings, buys junk food, and is very rude. Today she was making snide comments about me to her friend...making it sound like I was stupid for asking if the drinks were together. When she got her change from the coin machine she, with attitude, slams down the quarter and asks for a "less yucky" one. Then she asks for a quarter instead of the two dimes and nickel the machine gave her. I opened up the drawer, saw that we had no change, slammed it, and said "nope". And she said, sideways and to her friend,
"Baaadd service. I'ma tell everyone to shop at the store at the corner."
Her friend said that if she was the cashier, she would have already slapped her. Thanks, honey.

I was having such a good morning, and then I got to work. I was unnecessarily short and kind of rude to an employee from another store. Not even sure why. Maybe because it was early and the machines weren't working right.

My coworkers made fun of me, then my lunch. Just like middle school. Except now I actually tell people to "shut the fuck up."

Poor Scheduling

My manager had me stay a half hour overtime because he didn't schedule enough people.

 On my way off the register, some woman asked if I could help her in Cosmetics. Which I stupidly agreed to. I met her over there, and she showed me some make-up. Then she handed me the kind of remover she wanted. She asked for the aloe vera and when I told her where it was, she just stood there until I walked her over there. And she handed me the bottle she wanted. We went back to the make-up and she stood there until I pointed out exactly what she wanted, and I had to hold that too. FYI, she had no apparent disability. I tried to tell her where the Advil was, and then she repeated "Aisle 9", like I just said "Uzbeckistan". She needed some insoles for her heels, and when she asked for help finding out which ones, I told her to ask the pharmacist. Then she looked down to aisle 9 like the walk was unbearable. I ended up walking over there with her because her stupidity was unbelievable that I felt like I should help. Apparently she couldn't tell the difference between "high heel" and "open toe" insoles. My god. She asked if I could ring her up and I told her no because I had to go. I handed her all her stuff, which she reluctantly took.

Of Course I Have One

The loyalty program cards are continuing to be a huge nuisance. People who speak Russian to their older companions and completely ignore their cashiers should not yell and be ignorant to said cashier.

I think we have a new girl. She was very elusive.

I told the lovely magazine vendor about this fantastic online publication, such as it is. She was surprised I actually had one, and she was appalled I never told her about it before. Hopefully it lives up to expectations. Past, even.

Cheetos are on sale, 2/$5. Should I get them? Of course not. Will I? Perhaps.

Mean Girls

Everyone was mean today. There was a lot of stress going on because today was the day that our loyalty card really took hold. When I came back from lunch, our customers couldn't get the sale price without having our loyalty card. It is very difficult to set up cards for old people who can't hear, see, or think at 100%. It is even more difficult to set up cards for people who don't speak English. I don't think corporate thought this through at all. I have had a few people say they would no longer shop at our store, which I do not believe or care about, but it is the thought that counts.

My anger level had better mellow out before I bust something.

Back To Normal

I was back at my home store. Today was warehouse day. I noticed there were fewer totes, and that the warehouse sent over a lot of our stuff in kinda flimsy boxes. I wonder what their reasoning is.

I helped this older woman find nail polish. She was flustered at the colors we had, which were apparently too bright and for young people. She also had a problem with chipping, and she wanted something that wouldn't show it too much. After I recommended Wet N' Wild and Sally Hansen Hard As Nails, I rung her up at my register. She had told me she was headed on vacation within the next few days, and she wanted something for her vaycay to show off to her friends. So when I told her to have a good trip, she said she might, because of my help. She also told me I was very sweet. I felt like I might be starring in a training video for how to interact with customers nicely, while in Cos.

I saw this mom and kid wandering through my store, and the kid had one of my big balloons from the Hallmark aisle. I knew she wasn't going to buy it, and sure enough, ten minutes later, the damn kid is screaming his head off near the door. I will never understand why parents let their kids hold balloons and toys they have no intention of buying. It seems like it sends mixed signals to the child. And it creates work for us. And it makes those damn kids act a fool when they leave. Although maybe I should wait for a few months before I start judging.

I prevented two unwanted belly-touches by yelling and backing away. The second one was more funny because she said she acted like that too, except more rude.

I'm exhausted.

The New Store

I got sent over to work in the new store today. And it went pretty well. For a few reasons: First, I got there on time and we left early (good for my psyche, bad for my paycheck). Second, no customers because the store isn't actually open yet. Third, our boss got us pizza and some pops. Yes, I can be cheered with grade-school bribery. I felt like I made a good impression because I didn't spend the day gossiping (I didn't know anyone there and it wasn't until late afternoon that someone started talking to me), I know how to do resets (apparently he didn't think I did) and I worked consistantly hard throughout the day.
When someone did start talking to me, she told me her life story pretty much. I can't remember her name or store but I know that she is a mom, her man left after screwing her life up, and she lives with her parents. She talked about being pregnant, and about how lonely she is, and how she wishes she could have done a few things differently. Why she chose to share all this is beyond me. It is not the first time I've had that affect on someone. Obviously I have chosen the wrong profession.

The Repeater

There was some unrest today. As usual, I felt kind of persecuted, although I'm not sure why. The new guy moved and/or got rid of the boxes I was saving even though they were labeled "save". Either he has OCD or he is an asshole. Or he is stupid.

I finally got the info I need to take my leave sucessfully. I got all the telephone numbers and the forms and hopefully all the right info. I'm not trying to cheat the system, but I want what I want and I will be sure I get it.  And I am someone who reads the fine print and makes sure she is getting the most out of whatever is going on. I got this.

The Repeater came in today. And she asked when the baby was due.
"January."
"Oh, January? Oh, you should be fine. ... You should be fine. You'll be fine."
"Umm, yes I know I'll be fine."
"Because we are almost in November, and January isn't that far away from November, so you should be fine."
"Yes, I know that."

What Not To Wear

I read an article in Psychology Today that said worker's appearances are more put together on Monday and slowly declined throughout the week. Because people psych themselves up to get back to work Monday. It would seem that no one psychs themselves up to go to my store. One heavyset woman was wearing a red, stretched-out Christmas shirt that said 'Joy' across the front. No good. Another woman, mom of three, had a misshapen grey nylon skirt over faded imitation Adidas track pants. Her shirt was an unfortuante shade of green, with some logo on the front. Her sweatshirt was tied around her waist. And she was wearing cheap-looking running shoes. I have my own sloppy days, but I try not to wear clothes that look like I found them behind a building. I also have a basic standard of what I have to look like to show up in public. It would seem that many people who come through my store do not have that standard.

My manager showed me two videos of his cat. He got the cat from some woman in the airport and brought him home in a box. He kept trying to tell me it was his ma's cat, but he had several stories and two videos of his "mother's cat". At least I'm upfront about my love of my cats.

Breaking Phones

Early this morning a guy I've seen before told me I look to young to be a mom. He said it with a thick Chinese (?) accent. I cheerifully told him he shouldn't say things like that because he just doesn't know. Not sure if he understood me. What I do know is, the bump brings out the crazy.

A regular of mine was purchasing a house phone. Her third in about five months.
"He broke another phone?"
"Yeah! I told him not to, but he was calling unemployment and they said they lost the money and he got upset and threw the phone across the room. Which I told him not to, but he did anyway. And now we have to get a new phone."
"That would piss me off."
"Yeah."

Apparently one of my customers has the gift of prophecy. She guessed the sex of my unborn child. Her mother could always guess, she said. Boy-carriers are more pointy and they carry lower.

I helped a woman find a dark matte lipstick to help cover the bruising from her getting her lips plumped.

Smooshed Children

Four unsupervised children came in today. The oldest was maybe 12. The youngest, maybe 7, was standing in the doorway. We have those motion-sensor doors that will cause bodily  harm if tampered with. I saw this kid, did a quick visual survey for his caretaker, then yelled out:
"What's up little dude? Don't be playing in the door like that! We don't want you to get smooshed, okay?"
He looks at me all kinds of crazy, but then he moves. He moved into our lobby area and gave me several more odd looks. I can say that, right?

This month is Open Enrollment for our health insurance. Note to self: renew insurance. 

Bullet Holes

This guy asked me if my lip piercing hurt.
"Nope. Not now."
"But it did when you got it done?"
"Kind of."
"Do they give you anything to numb it?"
"No. They figure if you can't handle the pain, you shouldn't be getting it done."
"Yeah, that makes sense. Well, I got four bullet holes in me. Those hurt a lot worse than that piercing I bet."
"I'd bet on that too."
"Ok then, take care of that lip."
"Will do. You take care of those bullet holes sir."
His female companion thought that was hilarious. Was this guy trying to one-up me? Or just making awkward conversation?

A black woman in scrubs came to my register with a similar-looking companion.
"No child should be racist. This is 2012. Get it together." ,
she says to her friend. They were obviously in the middle of a conversation, but that comment stands by itself as well.

A girl from my high school came in today. She has beautiful reddish curly hair. She took a visual inventory of what I had been doing since I'd seen her last. (She came in once before and we caught up.) Last time she gave me one of those "Jesus Saves" pamphlets, but she did not leave one with me this time. Maybe I'm too far gone?

One of my fave coworkers got me some boxes for my grandmother today. Thanks, honey.

Ambulance

I look over to see my manager leaning over to try to talk to one of our elderly regulars. The elderly regular is slouched down in one of the photo chairs, like a teenager, and she is somewhat unresponsive. I told my manager that she was old-people deaf, and she probably just fell asleep and can't hear her. However, she is kind of responsive; she is mumbling answers for my manager. My manger then tells one of us to call an ambulance. My co-worker, who has the calmest voice ever, did the honors. When the E.M.Ts got there, they asked her a bunch of questions, took her blood pressure (which was apparently very low) and strapped her to a stretcher. There was about four E.M.Ts ... one guy to walk in and out a bunch of times, two guys to talk to her and wheel out the stretcher, and one guy to push her old lady cart. I hope she's ok.

This guy came in pretty early and bought the Vitner's Moviestyle Popcorn. He was pretty excited we carried it, because apparently a bunch of stores do not. Apparently one of our stores in Elmhurst used to have them, and now they don't. And that is ridiculous, because apparently this is very good popcorn. I liked this guy because he has some unique Chicago loyalty. However, he had the same speech pattern and voice tone as Big Red, and I found that disconcerting.

We have a new loyalty card program, and this guy with a heavy Russian accent just could not handle it.
"Why everybody have cards now? Everybody have card. Like in preeson. You know?"
No sir. I do not know.

Several people have said I looked great. But one of my regulars said that I look big. She also said she noticed I gained weight in my face (fuck, I hope not). She said it so nicely I must have gotten confused, because I wasn't mad at all. And like Riki Lake says, "I'm a woman in this society, so weight will always been an issue."

How Much Longer?

How long has it been since I was in my aisle? How many boxes do I have piled up back there? Will I get to work on time at all next week? Why do I feel management is against me?

I got an unofficial customer complaint today. She said I didn't ask her for her loyalty card, thus she forgot to hand it to me. (Although I think it's on her keys, which she was holding.) She told my store manager that she is old and forgets stuff, but actually it's all my fault that she forgot, because I should have asked her. Which to me is ridiculous. As someone who has way too many loyalty cards, and has a terrible memory, I appreciate when people remind me to swipe, but I do not count on them to do so. Also, she tried to get me to use a coupon that didn't match the product in the transaction. And I was annoyed that both my bosses had to say something to me about her.

I hate this place.

Sweet Dreams Are Made of This

Last night my dream took place near the front register of my store, and in the Hallmark aisle. And I was talking to my former coworker, who has retired in real life. In my dream she was even smaller than in real life. I don't know what is going on in my subconscious that would allow me to dream of a place I spend 40 hours of my waking life in, but I don't like it.

Number of People Who Mentioned My Pregnancy:
Ten
Number of People Who Touched My Belly Without Asking:
One
To the odd woman out: I will remember you, and I swear to Jesus if you do that again I will have a freakout.

A guy buying smokes told me he doesn't actually smoke. I didn't really hear him, so I said ok. Then he said,
"I'm buying my ex-wife smokes so she'll lay off me."
"Sounds like you got a situation there."

High School

I saw a kid I was friends with in high school. We recognized each other at the same time, which was nice. And he mentioned he noticed my picture on Facebook, going to VeganMania. Yep, that's me ! I see his posts on FB, which are far to long so I never read them.

My manager refused to answer several of my calls. By the time he came to do a pick-up, the amount was so large the register wouldn't let him take it all at once. So there.

Life Stories and More Squirrels

I'm not sure what it is about me or my position, but I get an awful lot of life stories. I have a feeling I would get even more if I was a bartender. Anyway, this woman asked me how far along I am, so I told her five. She said she is four. And she has an eight-month old at home. I said,
"Wow, that's intense."
And she said,
"No, it's awful. And now I'm four months along again. Well, good luck!"
Sweet baby Jesus.

After I punch out I head into the office to request some days off. And my store manager is talking on the phone, to his wife.
"No, I'm sure that wasn't a rat....Because! When in the hell are rats on roofs?! ... Well, they were probably eating or scaring the shit out of that black crow on the other side of the roof. ... You haven't seen the black crow? ... He is right up there with those black squirrels. ... Yes, the black squirrels! ... NO, I'm not making this up. ... I will be leaving in about twenty minutes, but only if you let me get off the phone."
He turns to me and asks if I've seen the black squirrels. Then he asks why the milk was scanned in with the cigarettes. Luckily I had already punched out and was under little obligation to answer and assist.

Special Eyebrows

I don't mean to be judgmental or difficult, but kids with uni-brows freak me out. All I know is, my kid will not be sporting one. I rung up this woman while looking at her otherwise adorable stroller-bound kid. It isn't quite at the full uni-brow state, but it comes way to close.

A regular of mine came in today, and I got just a tad hostile with her. She is special needs (I don't know how special, really) but she evidently has trouble reading social cues. She came to my register today and started in on an obnoxious line of questioning:
"Sooooooo, are you getting married soon?"
"Yeah, I was thinking about it."
"Oh, so you do want to get married soon?"
"That's the plan."
"Oh. So when did you want to get married?"
"Not sure. When I get my paperwork ready."
"Ok. Buuuuuuuuuuuuttttt you are getting married?"
"Yeah."
She spots my ring, and says,
"Oh, look at your ring! So you are getting married!"
"Yeah."
"Are you gaining weight?"
Honestly, when is this ever appropriate to say?
"Uh, yeah. I'm pregnant, so yeah."
"Oh! Well, we really need you to get married soon then!"
I finally had enough.
"None of this is any of your business. I need for you to stop asking questions about what I am doing with my life, take a step back, and realize that none of this is your business."
"Oh. Well I didn't mean to offend you."
"Ok."
" I wasn't trying to be offensive..."
I just looked away, and held my tongue. She acted hurt, and upset at me, and I was pretty sure she was waiting for an apology. But I did not. Should I have? I guess I just don't know how much she does or does not know...

Pancakes

This morning when I went to go get my car, there was a pancake on the passenger trunk side. It looked kind of crumpled. I threw it over the fence. Then laughed a lot.

One of my regulars came in, and as I grabbed her smokes, I showed her my left hand. I told her it happened over the weekend, and she was appropriately excited for me. I also told her about the pancake, and we both had a good laugh over that.
"I got engaged over the weekend, and I found a pancake on my car this morning."
I tried to maintain that upbeat attitude for the rest of the day. It only sort of worked.

Montag

OMG I can't believe I actually fell asleep before blogging on Monday. I've been pretty tired lately. I hate being tired. It makes me crabby.

I had an informative and terrifying conversation with my regular and her daughter. They were telling me about their birthing experiences.

On the upside, I got to show off my new ring to everyone. Yea!

Squirrels

I got to work before we opened. While I was waiting for my boss to open the door I heard some rustling in the trash can. I took a few steps back and went to the other door, and a squirrel jumped out of the trash can! When I walked inside, I informed my boss that the squirrel almost got me. When we got to the office, he talked about the squirrel like they had known each other for a long time.
"Yeah, that squirrel? When I come in, he is scrounging around in the trash until he hears me. Then he sticks his head out and goes like this:"
He does an impression.
"As I'm going inside, the squirrel jumps out and hangs around the curb until I'm heading to the office. But I know as soon as I'm out of sight, he heads back into the trash. And I'm like 'Yeah you furry bastard, I know what you're doing!' He just hangs out and eats trash every morning. Why can't he do that when I'm not coming into work?"
"He just does what city squirrels do. Did you want me to do the smart count?"
"Yeah. Thanks."

"I'm not even supposed to be here today."

I covered today's shift for my W.B.F.F and it was kinda rough. I worked from 7:30am til 5pm. And Saturdays are much more busy than I remember.

Similarities

I was minding my own business, doing an awesome job in the Hallmark aisle when I hear,
"How far along are you?"
"Oh, five months."
I look to see who it was, and before I could say, 'Do I know you?' she says,
"Do you know what you're having ?"
"A boy."
"Oh! I just had a boy four months ago! You look fantastic."
After she said that, I was glad I wasn't rude. Nice ego boost there. Later I rung her up, and she was even more awesome. She said the most painful part of the whole thing was the three weeks right before she gave birth while she was still waiting tables. And she said once she got the epidural, everything was fine. And she was really excited about having a boy on account of us girls are a whole different kind of crazy. And she said "boyfriend" instead of "husband." I should have gotten her number or something. It was a very reassuring conversation.

I switched with my coworker and now I'm worried about who I'll be working with on Saturday. I hope those I work with like me. And are reasonable with the breaks.

Santa Claus?

A black man came in with no shirt on, holding his stuff in his hands. His "stuff" was his shirt and a piece of fried chicken. He wanted a pack of Newport 100's, so I rung it up for him. To dig in his pockets, he put his chicken down on my bagging area. He was mumbling and talking fast, but I think I understood most of it. He wanted me to give him the pack of smokes for free because he was Santa Claus. And because he may or may not curb-stomp me or smack my head against the curb. (Although I'm still unclear about that threat.) After I had rung up the smokes, he just starts pressing buttons on the pinpad, which was my second clue  that the man wasn't right. He also tried to pay for these smokes with a Baskin Robins card. In retrospect, I should have called my manager or one of the dudes to the front when I noticed something was off about this guy. I need to stop waiting for something to happen before I call for help.

A very angry woman comes in periodically. I suspect part of the reason she is angry is her unbelievably unfortuante looks. She has thick, ill-fitting 80's glasses, and a short, frizzy perm. She has a considerable amount of facial hair, and her skin isn't smooth. (But it isn't pock-marked either.) Her clothes are always outdated. Honestly, it is hard to look at her. And she is so unpleasent and mean. Today she asked if we had gotten a new manager, I told her we had, and she snootily replied
"I can tell."
Whatever that meant.

Thank goodness I'm back in cosmetics tomorrow.

Commentaries

A regular of mine said,
"Are you gaining weight?"
"Yes. Because I'm pregnant."
"Oh! Girl or boy."
"Boy. And just so you know, it is very rude to mention someone's weight like that."
"Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't know."
"That's fine. I'm just letting you know."
He apologized several more times. I don't feel like I was rude. In fact, given the orginal comment, I think I reacted very poitely, given the first comment. But I do feel a little bad because I think he might be a little slow.

Our Rewards Card

I tried to sign up one of my regulars  because he is "addicted" to those keychain cards. But when he typed in his phone number and it asked to verify his birthday, it thought he was born in '96. Which he obviously wasn't. So we had to go back in a change all his information. Apparently his son has been using his info. Which is why the jr/sr thing makes no sense.

Today was a puttering day. In which I was supposed to be in Cosmetics, but spent most of the day at the second register because signing people up for these damn cards takes so long. I spent a very brief period in Hallmark. I also engaged in some gossip.

A female regular said,
"Oh, you're pregnant! I didn't know you were married."
"I'm not."
"Oh, and you look so young..."
"No, not that young."
Honestly I am kind of surprised when people notice and comment on my marital status. It does matter, but it is nobody's business. And I kind of thought we were done with those thoughts. But I also think people think I'm much younger than I am. Because I have a fabulous baby-face, and because I'm working at damn near entry-level.

Loyalties and Bloody Noses

I got a bloody nose today. Which my book says is normal. It was still almost embarrassing, although nowhere near at the middle school level.

I printed out a bazillion coupons yesterday; way more than I intended. My printer ran low on ink. And the coupons said 'redeem at another store' and I took that as a suggestion, not an order. My coworker pushed them through anyway, mostly because he is awesome. My checkouts take a long time these days, because of our loyalty card and my coupons.

Today was the first day of our loyalty card sign-up. I signed up one total person, comprised of the two people I halfway signed up. I couldn't finish either of my sign-ups because of my frustration and confusion. Which is sad, really.

I politely accused my new coworker of hanging up on my boyfriend, and she was very defensive. I'm pretty sure it was her, who else could it be?

Mutiny and Deals

There is unrest among the staff because of the inconsistantly of treatment of diffrent workers. The unrest also stems from the inconsistent training of the new people. Who are basically doing whatever they feel like.

I spent $18.63 today. On:
Folgers Country Roast- $6.99 and I had a 25 cent coupon
Tide Boost packets- $3.99
(2) Bounce fabric softner sheets-$3.99, I had a $2 off three coupon
Bone-shaped dog chew toy- 50 cents and I used a $3 store coupon so the overage was applied to the rest of the purchase
(2) sticks of Right Gaurd deoderant-b1g1f, and I had a $2 off two coupon. (With my discount, they were $3.82)
Neutrogena Deep Clean Face Wash- 25% off, with a $1 off peelie (it rang up at $4.64)

My goal is to get my stockpile big enough so that I don't have to leave my house for a month while I'm on maternity leave. I think I can achieve that goal.

Tazers and Athlete's Foot

This woman came up to my register with a tube of the store brand athlete's foot cream. She had talked to me before, and I think she might be a little paranoid. She pointed to her cream and said that she never had to use this stuff before she moved to this town. She has lived here thirty years. Somehow she connected her athlete's foot to the police's use of tasers. I was reminded that the police taser pregnant women too. She said that this is a godless town, but the worst people are those in law enforcement. Apparently, especially detectives and beat cops. She also hopes God will bless my child. English is not her first language, and I wonder if I am missing something in the translation. Other than her paranoia, this woman seems totally normal.

Revenge of the Cards

Finally got to work in my Hallmark aisle. But I was also working at Register One, Cosmetics, and Photo at the same time. I opened up a displayable Halloween card too vigorously and it popped up and hit me in the nose. And yes, there is a mark.

I very much like the newest girl.

The Neglected Aisle

I'm feeling kind of bad about how I left my Hallmark aisle. I was supposed to put up the Halloween and other Fall holiday cards several days ago. I mentioned that to a few managers, and today was the day I was finally able to make some progress. Part of my not getting it done was my fault, though. I forgot about putting up the new stuff, then I would remember it at inopportune times. How did the woman before me get all this done? Besides being an O.G, she was scheduled exclusively for the Hallmark aisle, which means she didn't spend a lot of time in other departments or helping customers. (I do both those things on a regular basis.) I have tommorow off, and right now half my aisle is missing merchandise. I'm sure I will have a ton of complaints waiting for me. But perhaps it will put pressure on my managers to let me in the aisle on Tuesday. The other thing I'm worried about is snapping at my mangers if/when they tell me to fix my aisle. I will try keep my comebacks to myself, remain chipper and agreeable...instead of informing them that I need to be allowed to work in that aisle more often, I need to be allowed to read the Hallmark emails, and I need time to reorganize my space in the back. On the upside, I love my cards.

100 Years

A regular of mine who hasn't been in in awhile came in today. He is a shrinking, wrinkly, hard-of-hearing, a WWII vet, and a shouter. He calls me "young lady" and he is usually hilarious and difficult. Today he came to my register, put his stuff on the counter, looks me in the eyes and says,
"The first 100 years are the hardest."
 I couldn't help but laugh. And agree. 

The Funeral. And Smoking Pot

Today was your funeral. I think it finalized what happened was real. I wanted to go, but I was at work. We miss you, and there are some sweet pictures surfacing on facebook. A lot of people are asking me about you; and how everyone you left at the store are doing.

A woman walks up to the ATM and asks if she can get change for the twenty.
"Sure."
"Does your piercing go all the through or is it just through the top part of your lip?",
she asks as she stands to the side of my register waiting until my transaction was done. I pull my ring down to show her that it goes all the way through.
"That's the kind of ring I want."
"Yeah, I like it. It's the easiest to deal with."
She was about to say something else when a woman with a brown and black print dress walks by and says,
"Do you have security here?"
"Uhh, why?"
"Because there are people smoking marijuana in the parking lot."
"Ok, let me, uhh..."
I trailed off because right then the woman who wanted change freaks out.
"Bitch! Why you gotta worry about what other people are doing?! It's not like this is your store! You don't own the muthafucking air around here! Why you gotta tell on someone like that!?"
"This is my store because its' in my neighborhood! I don't want that activity going on here."
At this point, I already called the store manager to the front. The woman who apparently didn't want the change anymore had already left and the other woman wanted us to call the cops. Everyone in line was started by the reaction of the change-getting woman. I wasn't, because it was obvious that she was getting the money to purchase whatever was being used out in the lot.

Schedule Mix-Ups

Because of what happened, several people have not been coming in. Which is reasonable. But the new people we've had to call in are kind of useless. I'm finding it hard to enjoy work and my coworkers.

I was super-hostile and full of anger today. I hope I can push through that.

Seriously?

I bought a card for you, and it is in the office waiting to get signed by everyone so we can give it to your parents. They came in today and had photos of you printed. Like she said, I hope it looks good down here from paradise.

I always have a jacket, hoodie or sweater on my cart. Today I had my only maternity hoodie, and I had to grab it out of this woman's hands. She picked up my goddamn hoodie, and seemed to be looking through it. When I snatched it from her, I angerly said,
"Can I help you with something? Why did you pick up my stuff?"
In accented English she says,
"I was looking for Kleenex."
"Well, not in my jacket."
Then she has the nerve to get short with me. After he fussing about finding Kleenex, (or not finding it), I reluctantly and angerly walk her to the aisle. A few minutes later I see her at the front register asking for help. Thank god one of my favorite coworkers was working and he helped her. Sort of. The nerve of some people.

We Miss You

I hope you know how much we will miss you.
You trained me on my first day. We bonded over managers we didn't like. We had a lot of hilarious and non-work related conversations.
You always made me laugh. I think the last time I saw you, you made me laugh was when you were making fun of me for buying and carrying too much stuff to my car. I dropped a jar of salsa, and you yelled
"Ma'am! I think you dropped something!"
and I erupted into a fit of giggles.
You always called me "ma'am" and it made me feel old. I told you to stop and you never did.
I got mad at you for being late and forgetting my breaks and getting distracted by hot girls. You would ask if I was for real mad, and if I really hated you, and I of course responded no. Because it was hard to stay mad at you.
Sometimes when you rung people up, you would make these crazy faces at them when they weren't looking. And again, I would erupt into giggles.
We talked about serious stuff too.
We always had a lot of fun working together.
I could always count on you to like my fragrance. And when I needed a compliment, I could count on you to give me one.
I very much enjoyed working with you. I wish I knew you better, but what I did know about you, I liked. Of course, there will forever be unanswered questions. 
We miss you so much. And I hope you know that.

The New Lady

I trained the new lady today. Luckily I didn't need to work that hard because she has 18 years retail experience. She wouldn't stand still, and she always needed something to do. She made me tired. She also made me answer the phone. She has a pretty thick Greek accent, and when she walks behind me she touches my waist. Which totally took me by surprise and must end. She is very friendly and pretty excited about working.

I'm tired.

Lemonhead Lady and Groupon Guy

I sort of helped a guy pick out a belated wedding gift. He was thinking about a gift card, and I asked if they were registered anywhere, and then he addmitted he was buying a belated gift. I suggested Bed, Bath, and Beyond and he mentioned Groupon. I told him to go for the Groupon. If they aren't members yet, they should be. And they can purchase stuff, date-night experiences, regular experiences, and services. Go Groupon, He thanked me for my help.

Lemonhead Lady is an individual who I think thinks she is fabulous, and I am reluctant to agree. She came up to my register, already eating her Lemonheads. She buys the bag and always opens it before arriving at my register. Like she can't wait. And today she didn't even let go of the bag. Her daughter whined about chocolate until her ma bought her some. I'm all for eating candy, just not like that. Lemonhead Lady comes in about once a week, I think.

Friend vs. Manager

My boss was unnecessarily rude and mean. He was having a bad day and took it out on me.

On the upside, an old friend of mine stopped by, and we chatted. And promised to have lunch. Or cheese fries. I was happy to see her.

My yogurt had mold in it. Glad I wasn't too hungry.

Sad Time

I was so hostile for most of the day.

If it weren't for the note on the Cos register, I wouldn't have even remembered that my WBFF was leaving. I looked for remenents of the red velvet cake she brought in and found none. Which made me almost as upset as realizing I missed her last day.

I couldn't find a lot of the merch that I was supposed to put an ad tag on.

Some woman with an unusual and irritating tic complained about my Hallmark aisle. I was not pleased.

Also, I misplaced, but probably lost, a high-value coupon. That is obviously the most devastating portion of my day. 

If you evidently only get EBT food benefits, why would you think you could use it for painkillers and pantyhose?

I'm over it now. I had a good day after work.

Rain and Sun

When I got into work it was raining and cloudy. When I was ringing people up, the S.B.A noticed that it was raining and sunny at the same time. We both decided that we love that kind of weather. I am very annoyed she is leaving.

I got my preg-safe flu shot today. They had it special-ordered for me. Our pharmacists are pretty awesome.

No More Hospitals

One of our regular mentally ill customers said something bizzare around the pharmacy, and my store manager called the cops. We watched him walk through the store, through the parking lot, and down the street. Then we watched the cops arrest him. According to one of our bystanders, the state has closed two or three mental hospitals in the last year. Which would explain the barrage of customers I've been having in the past year. They will hold that guy, for maybe a day, then release him back into our parking lot.

The D.M came in today, at around the same time as a mother-daughter duo. I went to do a stock-check for them and when I came back they commented on how helpful I always am, and how quick I always assist them. When I was ringing them up in Cos, they wanted to talk to the store manager about me. (They talked to an assistant, but he didn't respond as they wished so they requested a store manager.) Luckily the D.M heard most if not all of this...which is fabulous for me because earlier today I had two freakouts before my lunch, which, surprisingly is above my normal quota.

Cut It Up

I am fairly certain that the gentleman purchasing a Black and Mild, baking soda, and sandwich baggies was about to go cut some blow.

I also don't think that white jeans with no panties and a tube top is an appropriate outfit for the first day of high school. But apparently some people do.

The PD Came Out

I followed my coworker outside to witness three squad cars block this guy in. They approached the car, and this guy came out, smoking, and seemed willing to cooperate. He shorted his cigarette, and put his hands behind his back. They cuffed him and took off his hat. It was a minute before the other guy came out, turned around, and they cuffed him too. I wish I knew what they were getting arrested for...but it took three squads to take them in, so it must have been serious.

Twenty minutes later, the impound guys came and loaded that car up.

While we were standing outside, I noticed that the mulch was on fire again. Yes, I put it out. Guess its' still crazy dry outside.

Hallmark and Dms'

I spent the entire day in the Hallmark aisle and I'm still not done. But the DM stopped by and said
"Hallmark is such an intimate thing that people do"
and
"The bags look great"
so I was happy.

I told one of my regulars that the woman we thought was a time traveler was more likely a teacher or a counselor or someone who works with children. I have come to that conclusion because she greeted a child near my register, asking her is she was coming back this year, and if she was ready. When I told my regular this, he said that time travelers are often tricky and potential liars. So obviously he isn't buying her teacher act. And I think he was drunk.

Two Freak-Outs

One was because this woman wanted to use four mnf coupons for three items. I told her that she could not use the extra mnf coupon because her Ziploc coupon counted for two. She said 'since when?' She got an attitude with me first, and I have a feeling that because English was obviously not her first language, there was a misunderstanding. I think she thought I was saying she couldn't use the third coupon for those items. Or she didn't understand that her Ziploc coupon was off of two. Then I wasn't sure if she actually wanted her stuff, so I threw it in my overstock basket. Apparently she did want her stuff. Then she accused me of not scanning her legit coupons. My sister says that I am normally sweet and don't start off with attitude until someone brings it. And apparently this woman brought it. She says she'll come back when I'm not here. I hope so.

A regular of mine really freaks me out, and it is getting to the point where I no longer feel obligated to put up with his bullshit. He comes in today and tells me that he has been waiting all day for me, and he is so happy to see me. Sounds ok, but totally creepy. Then he says I've put on a lot of weight since I quit smoking. I snapped at him and in a much-to-loud voice said that I'm preg, not fat. My manager comes up. I run his check through with only a few mishaps. He comes back in, and his check is denied six times before my coworker comes up and tries it. Then we move to another register. Still won't work. He is starting to get agitated so my manager reappears. There was a verbal altercation during which I thought the guy threatened to pee in our "lobby" and my manager tells him to stop swearing at him. The guy tells my manager that he doesn't call all the shots, and he isn't the shot-callers. Also, we have no idea what he lives with. A call to the cops was threatened, and the customer tells us that he is allowed to use our restroom because it is a public place. Which isn't true. My store is, in fact, private property.

My Name Is...

A guy somewhere around my age comes in with a trick bike I doubt he can actually ride.
"You guys need to have colder a/c in here.",
he says to me while I'm wearing my Abercrombie track jacket.
"Do you have a bike pump?"
"Maybe in aisle 5."
"No, I mean for free."
"Absolutely not."
"How about some cheap water?"
"Aisle 9."
He goes to get his water. And when he comes back to the register he says,
"Are you pregnant?"
"Yes, but if I wasn't I would be very upset you said that."
He lets out this tittering laugh.
"Well, I only said that because I saw you rubbing your belly like, 'uunnnggghh'."
"Uh, yeah. Well, I'm in some pain now..."
"Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?"
"I don't, but I will the first week of September."
He squealed like a schoolgirl and said
"Oh my God! How exciting!"
and he reached out to hold my hand. Which I weirdly reciprocated.
"It is exciting. Thank you."
"Do you know what you'll name it?"
"No I do not. I did, but I do not anymore. There is some drama about that."
"There was this girl, who I hardly knew, and she had my baby, and she named it 'Musfasta'. Musfasta! I said, 'I'm not going to claim a child named Musfasta', right?
"Uhhh..."
"Congradulations! Have a great day!"
Shortly after he leaves on his bike, I hear 'Oh shit!' and some car honks.

Bittersweet Aniversary and a Hair Hat

"Do you have anniversary cards? And a granddaughter birthday card?"
"Yes I do." I dutifully pointed.
"I don't want the anniversary card to be too happy. This one is too mushy. They have had a hard year."
I handed her one that wished the couple happiness in the future.
"No, no, this is no good. He is very sick. Very sick. I don't want to sound too optimistic. Do you have some in this section?"
"I do, but they are all Happy Anniversary cards. I don't have any for a sort-of happy anniversary. Or a bittersweet one."
"What? You don't?"
"No ma'am. Have you tried the Hallmark store?"

I thought he had his hat on askew. But it was an oddly positioned dread. This skinny, very tan, wide-eyed white guy (middle-age) had let (or made) his hair dread up into a huge one coming out over the right side of his face and head. There was another dread on the same side going down the back of his neck. He seemed very out of it, but asked if there was a thrift store nearby. He got a lot of stares (only a few from me). And when he left my manager supposed on how he let himself get like that. 

New Schedule

You would think that with my seniority I wouldn't be the last to know everything, but apparently I was the last to know that our schedule is now being created by a computer. Sounds a little sci-fi, but I guess this new system takes into account people's availability and puts everyone on a rotating schedule. Also, according to rumor, the heads of departments will be scheduled only for midshifts. Call me old-fashioned, but I still think it makes more sense to let a human take care of what affects the other humans. Plus, who am I supposed to yell at when I get a shitty schedule?

Hot Advice

A good-looking regular came in and called me momma. She asked how many weeks along I am.
"Sixteen, I think."
"Really? Wow, you look a lot better than I did at sixteen weeks. You still look hot."
"Oh, well. Thank you!"

A co-worker asked me for advice regarding a woman. I'm just excited he even thought to ask me. I'm in with the in crowd.

Considerably Better

Today was considerably better.
Many of my calls were ignored and the registers seem to have a lot of bugs left in them, but my emotional well-being was much improved.
Sadly I was nine minutes late. Which I find hugely annoying.
The staff we had was great.

Don't Leave Me

Today was super-frustrating.
The guy who was giving me my breaks was at least fifteen minutes late for all three of my breaks. If he was anyone else, I would think he was being passive-aggressive. But instead I think he was being careless.
I was scheduled to go home at four-thirty. I didn't want to be too fussy, so at 4:40, I called someone to come up to the register. It was another ten minutes before anyone even came up. The woman who came up hadn't been trained with the new registers (we're not real good at giving people adequate training), so she was kind of useless. The manager I called either didn't hear me or chose to ignore me, until I saw him and yelled directly. I also called someone else to come up to register.
I don't know who the second shift is, because the woman scheduled isn't usually so disappointing. The whole day of my calls being ignored and my schedule being ignored was awful. Plus, I was hungry.

Is it possible to purchase Chore-Boy, a high-flame lighter, and a tire gauge without getting ready to smoke crack? The gentleman purchasing these items did not look like a typical crackhead, (overweight and pasty), but why else would he need these items together?

Thirdly, I found out today that my work b.f.f will be leaving at the end of August for a better paying job. I'm excited for her and very irritated for myself.

New Registers

I finally got to work on the new registers! I got my own sign-in ID card, which I will probably lose at some point. We had to shut them down twice today, and it took me awhile to figure out how to do stuff. But at least we got them.

I'm getting too old for this shit.

Debit or Credit

"Debit or credit?"
I said as I took her card.
"Credit?"
I asked because she handed me the card.
"Yeah."
So I ran it as credit. And after I handed her the receipt, she holds up her card and says,
"This is a debit card. Did you run it as a debit? This is a debit card. You have to run it as a debit."
"Ok, well I ran it as a credit because when I said 'credit', you said 'yeah'. If you want to return all your stuff, then repurchase it, you can do so at the cosmetics counter."
She nodded so I called for a return in Cos.
Then a coworker came up to purchase his snacks and make snarky comments, and she continued to stand there. I put up a couple of cartons of smokes, noticed she was still there, and said,
"Did you need help with anything else?"
She smiled and shook her head. Then she said,
"What am I waiting for?"
"I was wondering that myself. What are you waiting for?"
"Well, aren't I returning this stuff? Isn't that what he had come over here for?"
"No, he came over to buy snacks and chat. Our returns happen in cosmetics."
"Well then what the hell am I doing? I can't understand a word you say, all your letters all jumbled..."
She finally walked away and over to cosmetics where she could talk to someone else about debits.

Free Advice: If you can't understand me, say "What?" or "Pardon?". Do not wait me out. Most people can't understand me, and I do not find it offensive if you tell me that you have no idea what I said. Because standing around like that is a waste of time.

LP

Loss Prevention came in to assess our situation, so I was extra cautious about potentional scams. I tried to call the managers to report several possible "situations" but most of the time they didn't answer.
The amount of insanity I have to deal with on a daily basis is astounding and a testament to the non-care of the mentally ill.

According to my regualars, I am having a boy. Or a girl. And it will be born on January 12. Still, I would not ask someone with my shape when I am due. These people have some balls.

The Phantom Tollbooth

I walked into the stockroom and discovered we had received a large package. Mostly white, (possibly a counter?) with cardboard at either end (for protection), and wrapped in saran wrap.  It was about eight feet tall and three feet wide. The labeling was unclear, and it said that any damages must be documented within 72 hours. I was walking around it, contemplating a Stephen King-like scenario involving this thing when I hear,
"Thats' not for you."
It was my boss, creeping around previously unheard.
"I wasn't going to open it. I was just wondering what it was. You know what it reminds me of? The tollbooth, from The Phantom Tollbooth. Milo gets it to relieve his boredom...and this has come to make my day more interesting. You know what I'm talking about?"
He nodded like he did, but I wasn't convinced. I took this opportunity to suggest corporate sponsors an anger management class for certain employees.

Employee Discount

In order to get the employee discount, via me, I need a head nod or a shout from a coworker, an insurance card, or a valid pay stub card. For the most part, if I've seen the card once, I won't need to see it again. Except if I don't like you, or if the higher-ups have been emphasing checking the stubs. 

This guy who has always been rude to me, is the father of a manager of another store. Apparently they live together (not that unusual, I guess) but he never has any proof that he lives with an employee. He has been coming in since I started working.

Usually someone vouches for him, but lately everyone has been telling me to tell him to bring in his goddamn card. Me telling him that results in me getting yelled at. Today he told me he is going to stop asking me for the discount. Finally. 

Power Outage

Ok, what had happened was...
I didn't post on Wednesday because I was getting ready to leave town to go to a family reunion. Obviously my excitement over going on a vaycay trumped my need to story-ize the minute details of my idiotic work life.
But I have do have time to story-ize what happened today: When I walked in at 8:26 am, the emergency lights were on, the doors were opened halfway, the lights in break-room were off...obviously  the power had gone out. The girl at the front was using a calculator to ring people up. After I punched in, my manager asked if I knew how to calculate the sales tax.
"Hell, no son! Remedial math, all through high school! I'm kind of dumdum when it comes to math..."
A few minutes later I went back over to him and asked him to show me how to do it. We had a whole system going on...the girl at the register would write down the UPC of the items, the guy from photo was calculating the item price plus sales tax, the girl would add everything up and get and give the right change. I was running (yes, literally running) around getting the price of all the customer's items. Some people were very understanding, and were willing to wait around, while others had idiotic questions like,
"Is there something wrong with the registers?"
The whole power outage lasted about forty-five minutes, but it felt like a lot longer. And then our clocks were all different so I wasn't a hundred percent sure what time it was...like a retail time warp. Freaky.

The Best Husband

I complimented one of my elderly regulars on her big locket. After she finally heard me, she was quite pleased. After she paid and stood around for a minute, she came back to show it to me in detail. She opened it up to reveal a picture of her (much younger) and her now-deceased husband. She had such joy in her eyes when she talked about him. Apparently he was a fantastic husband. Every night before they went to bed he would kiss her and tell her she was the best thing that ever happened to him. I love it...
But then she thought I was single because I'm "still a baby."

SuperLate

All I know if I was 34 minutes late I would be super-stressed. And apologetic. And I wouldn't blame only the outside forces, I would acknowledge my inability to get ready on time. Thats just me, though.
(But let the record show that I have never been 34 minutes late...to this job anyway.)

Flamin' Hots and Mullets

Pretty early this morning this guy comes with a part along the back of his head. Above the part he's got his salt n' pepper hair combed forward into a side-swept paigeboy look. And below the part, his hair was in a long ponytail, almost to the center of his back. That is one helluva mullet.

I rung up a couple of Asian guys for $27 worth of Flamin' Hots. They bought eight of our largest bags. Yes, I was wondering why this was happening. And the guy must have known that look and said they were from Canada, and Canada doesn't have Flamin' Hots. So there you go.

"Everybody gets coupons. Not me though".
said the older Indian guy after watching two people in front of him receive long print-outs from our Catalina. He got no print-outs. Not even our most frequent one. How sad.

Neighborhood Kids

This kid I've seen before came in with two I haven't. They rushed in, shouting at each and about the pop they wanted to buy. The kid I knew is a smallish or young white boy and the two boys I didn't were bigger Assyrians. The little one kept picking up stuff (pop, hot chips, candy) the others wanted him to buy. They came up three times and the first two times the little guy didn't have enough money. The other two were laughing and talking (in Assyrian) behind him, and he kept looking back at them, with some stress.
When I did ring him up, he would say he didn't want his change because he didn't need it. I urged him to take it, because I assumed he was only saying that to impress them.
It made me sad to see what I was seeing. The little white boy had been in a similar situation with an older kid I've seen before. I felt like the little boy was being taken advantage of, and that he didn't seem to know who his real friends were. (Maybe he doesn't have any real friends.)
 I told all this to the cop I was ringing up. And I mentioned that I usually know what kids belong to what parents. But that little guy, I've never seen his parents. And I mentioned other things to the cop that would illustrate my keen detective skills.
After I rung her up, she went and talked to the group of boys. They seemed only sort-of interested.

Middle School and Teenage Boys

A boy came to my register, he was probably around 12 or 13, and he proudly bought three Snickers. As he was asking how much a small Red Bull is, his voice cracked. I pretended I didn't notice.

A girl I went to middle school with came in. I wouldn't have seen her if I wasn't covering the midshift's lunch. We were kinda friends...she invited me to her Bat Mitzvah. Anyway, she spoke in a sing-song voice and seemed happy to see me. She acknowledged me first. I knew who she was when she to my register, but honestly I wanted to see if she recognized me. Not sure why I feel embarrassed when my old schoolmates see me behind the register, but I do. Sometimes.

A guy who comes in all the time finally chatted me up. The age he guessed for me was only a year off, but he thought I was still in college. And he is much younger than myself. But I was flattered anyway because he suggested that I need some time off to hang out with my friends and chase boys. Obviously that is what I would do with my time off.

This morning I noticed a guy was wearing a uniform for a car place. His name tag indicated he has been a teammate for four years. My name tag indicates I have been a team member for three years. I awkwardly pointed out to him that is a mate and I am a member. I will assume his confusion came from  the early hour it was. Go team! ( I said that to him, and he laughed).

Bulimia

A small girl with a haggard face came to my register and purchased a big bag of Cheese Munchies, a candy bar, and a 20 oz Diet Coke. She also got a few boxes of women's laxative. A few others on staff thought what I thought.

Possibly Cocaine

We are trying to ring up more people in Cosmetics, so when this big, burly guy came down aisle three, I asked him if he wanted me to ring him up. He said he was just about to ask me that. He bought the following:
three energy shots
two protein bars
two cans of Nos
three theater boxes of Mike and Ikes.
He started joking about his purchases, how he's going to get a sugar and energy rush and go work out. I acknowledged it was a lot of rush he was about to consume and he said
"Not anywhere near what I used to do"
 I told him one of his energy shots needed me to verify he was over 18. He asked if I had tried that one, I said no, and he said that when it first came out it was way more intense. He drank the full bottle and thought he might be on his way to a heart attack. Apparently they changed they changed the formula, but he still only drinks a half bottle at a time. He had a full sleeve and I'm pretty sure he was checking me out.

Even though I have a legitimate reason, almost crying in front of my two male bosses was alarming.

Unicorns and Gay Men

This guy came in with a light blue t-shirt on that said "Lost Unicorn" and a silkscreen of a unicorn. "If you see it you are probably crazy." I told him I liked his shirt.

Another guy came to register with a pop, a container of Elbow Grease (which is a large tub of thick lube, presumably marketed to gay men, based on the picture of a flexed arm on the front), and a big bottle of Wet, which is another kind of lube. I resisted the urge to make obscene comments about his purchases. And I gave him a sweet customer service smile as I handed him his receipt.

One of my first customers was a women with very dated tortoiseshell glasses, a big red "I Love Lucy" hairstyle, and very brown eyebrows. She was not old enough to have such decade confusion. And she bought five cans of Chicken of the Sea Pink Salmon.

Warehouse

I put up warehouse all day. A U-boat, full case, and a few extra totes. 

I also bought those new Girl Scout Crunch bars and ate one and a half. 

And to avoid bag checks I bought stuff on my break, and took them out to my car with no bag. On my first break I bought a Revlon hair dryer (my other one gave me a nasty shock), and Speed Stick deodorant. With my two $1-off coupons, it was $18. Not that great of a deal, but I tried. And I wanted that hair dryer. On my lunch break I bought a 12-pack of Cottenelle toilet paper and a 6-pack of Viva Paper towels. I doubled up my coupons and paid about $5. For my third break I bought Bic razors, Colgate Gum Defense toothpaste, and my three candy bars. I paid $6.50 and got two $1-off coupons. With all the stuff I got today, I think I did ok. 

Twizzlers For Good Karma

My coworker is taking my shift on Thursday so I can go to the doctor's. I decided to bring her a package of Twizzlers to show her that I appreciate her taking that shift. And to get points. I think she appreciated the gesture.

One of my regulars is a tall, disheveled, overweight, white guy with bizarre social skills. Every time he sees me, he looks me right in the eye and says
"Hey." and my name.
 (Damn those name tags.) Lately he has been trying to conversate with me. He asked how my holiday was. Then he told me he remembered that I went to my mom's and that I saw the fireworks. (First part is true, second is not because I was too tired.) Note to self: Do not give him too much personal information. He accidentally took someone else's change today because he was too involved in our chat. And he always ends the "conversation" with
"See you Saturday!"
I don't work Saturdays.

School Supplies!

Today was relaxed, happy, fun, and productive. I parked at 7:25am right next to my manager who pointed out a guy down the street. The guy was thrashing around, yelling, and throwing dirt. He  never got any closer, luckily. We have been getting a lot of the mentally disturbed and disabled coming in. It is starting to freak me out.

I unlocked a case for this guy whose breath was the worst I've encountered in a long time. I could smell it about a foot away. I did not ring him up.

We have a lot of school supplies in our stock room. And we've got a quarter of an aisle set up with binders and such already. And we have an announcement telling customers to shop at our store for school supplies. I feel sorry for the kiddies, but I love school supplies! I got myself a pair of blunt "classroom" scissors for my coupon cutting. For free...

I bought a package of Tide Bleach powder, on sale for $5.99. I had a $1 off mnf coupon.
My scissors were 99 cents on sale. And I had a $1 store/mnf coupon.
I paid $4.48 for the two of them. Soon, I will be clipping my coupons in clean p.js.

Retail Purgatory

I was stuck in some kind of retail-store purgatory today.  No matter how much I prayed, the time didn't go any faster. And I stayed 21 minutes overtime. 

I forgot my lunch today. And my commute is around 40 minutes, so I couldn't go back home to get it. Forgetting my lunch reminds me of middle school anxiety. Luckily I had a Subway coupon, and I ran over there to grab my lunch and a sandwich for my boss. I wolfed it down and ran back on the floor. When I returned to my post, I noticed my snacks were gone. I bought store-brand nuts and toffee squares (both of which were terrible), and they were gone! I called the lady on the floor and asked her where they went. She said she thought they were overstock, and she put them back on the shelf! I told her they were open and I had been snacking...so she looked for them. Thank fuck we didn't sell them! That would have been a crisis! I got my snacks back, put my name on them, and at the end of my shift I put them in my locker. 

Bad Attitude

I have decided that this sulking around I've been doing has got to end. Attitude is everything, and I need to change mine. At the beginning of today at work, I was hugely irritated and slow-moving. I kinda woke up, and started moving faster and being more friendly. I felt better about things once I started being more friendly and upbeat.

Also, I got to roll a pill bug around. Briefly. We have those and beetles and big flys and hornets in our store.

Another bad attitude I encountered was from a possible escort/hooker who lost her phone in our store. She was super-frantic and the notepad that went with her phone had several hotel addresses on them. With dates. I thought she was unfortunate-looking, and she yelled at me for no reason. We have her phone, and it is obviously karma getting back at her for being a bitch. She lost it yesterday and hasn't returned our calls.

So much for my improved attitude. I can do better...I know it.

4th of July

Thank God we got time and a half today. One woman was particularly rude and difficult and it was just because there was a misunderstanding. I'll remember her, though. I will absolutely do nothing good for her in the near future. And karma will get her. But right after her a sweet woman in a fabulous shade of pink told me I don't have to take that, and that none of us deserved to be treated like that.

My coworker and I had a lot of chat time. And interesting I probably shared too much information about myself.

While in the Hallmark aisle, I remembered what I had done on the 4th of July in years past and it kind of threw me off, because I had some interesting 4ths', to say the least. Some of them are not worth remembering. And about my Hallmark aisle, it would look a lot better if I had some time to work on it. Like maybe more than once a week. It makes no sense for me to hang out in that aisle and try to be on Register one. The same goes for my Hallmark bay. I'm just saying.

Rice N' Roll

Today a familiar face came to my register. Actually, it was her shirt that was familiar. It was the owner of Rice N' Roll! Rice N' Roll is a fabulous Thai, Japanese, and Chinese place. You order at the front, sit down in the plastic booths or chairs, and they bring you big portions of delicious. I pointed to her shirt, and said that I liked it. She asked if I had been there, and I told her that I had, a couple of times. And she proudly announced that she was the owner! I praised her place a couple of times, and mentioned I had gone because I had an Entertainment book coupon. Really, I hoped she would give me another coupon but... there is always tomorrow.
Go check it out. It really is fabulous. And dinky.

Overtime

Tell me if I'm wrong: I had a hard day and as I was leaving this girl approached me.
"Excuse me? Miss?"
"Oh I'm sorry, I'm not on the clock."
"I know you're not on the clock, but I just need a female's opinion, so if you don't mind..."
"I do mind. I'm sorry, but I do this all day. I have to go."
She had plently of opportunities to ask me for my opinion, because I walked past her a few times. Also, there were a few other female employees who were still on the clock. And, I used my nice customer service voice.
When I mentioned to my coworker and manager what words me and that girl exchanged, my manager said I should be nicer. He said karma is a bitch and there is no reason to act like "them". I said that I really don't give a fuck (I know, that part isn't nice), and that I work all day and I'm allowed to assert myself. The time I have after work is my time and I absolutely don't need to spend it helping a customer. Perhaps he thought I used my aggressive voice.
On the upside, I get to come in fifteen minutes late tomorrow because I got overtime this week. And they don't want to pay me for overtime.

Fanny Packs

This guy comes up to me and asks if we sell fanny packs. Sir, what does your digital watch say? Is it 1993? No? Then we do not have fanny packs. Usually when a customer asks for a product we don't carry, I'll refer them to a store I think might. For this gentleman, I didn't even try. Do they even sell them anymore? Probably in thrift stores.

Speaking of second-hand, I need to head out to a second hand shop to grab a few more khakis. Not only is my size changing, but this morning during my commute I put my buttered bagel on my lap and then spent the whole day with a butter stain on my leg. Dang.

Baby Oil

I was in Cosmetics today, and this good-looking but little-English-speaking woman came up to me. She said (in broken English) that she was taking her kids to the pool today (thats' good, it was 102 degrees, literally) and she wanted to know what to use for the sun. She was holding a bottle of baby oil and a bottle of 30 SPF sunscreen. I said,
"Oh my God. Use the sunscreen. The baby oil will fry you alive."
Her and her daughters said thank you.
Later on they came back to dispute a price and her kid was trying on lipstick. Then she put it back. Disgusting. I caught her trying to open a package of cotton rounds and I said,
"Nope. You don't want to do that. Put that down."
And her face turned red as she walked away. I wasn't that friendly when she told me about her price issues. But I did call a manager promptly so I wouldn't have to deal with them. Maybe I should have told her to use the baby oil. (Just kidding!)

Unsupervised Children Vs. Loiters

Kids that I normally only see a few times a week are coming in a couple times of day now because it is summer break. And they are probably unsupervised. This kid who was probably a few inches taller than four feet came in. He had a faux-hawk and was wearing a brown terry-cloth bathrobe, a t-shirt, shorts and sandals. The high today reached well into the 90's, so the second time he came in I asked if he was hot. He said no. He had some trouble counting his money, and he hadn't been taught that tossing money at cashiers is rude. And he was with a much taller and probably older kid, who is someone that I suspect has some unsavory behavior under his belt.

The loiterer came and stepped in front of someone to double-bag his nasty clothes. I gave him a look and he said it was going to be ok. I don't like this guy because while I was on my lunch one day he yelled to me to come over, then started following me. When I turned around to ask him what the hell his problem was he asked me for money. Then he started in on his sob story and told me he wasn't a criminal. I feel that if you have to specify that, you probably are. Because I listened to him, I punched in late to lunch. He was wearing the same thing that day as today. According to our customer, he was harassing women and following people to their cars, asking for money. I told my manager who told me to tell the store manager. I told my manager that she should just let me loose so I could tell this guy to get out of our parking lot. Anyway, the loiterer told our store manager that he is racist, and that he just stopped someone from driving into our store. When the cops came around the corner, this guy booked it.

F.Y.I: stores are confusing to the general public because they are actually private property. We can, in fact, kick people out of the store. With good reason. I would like to see us utilize that right more frequently.

Drug Tests and Yeast Infection Remedies

I was very hostile this morning. Mostly at my off-duty manager.

A stressed-out and slightly embarrassed woman came to my register with a bunch of household items, an at-home drug test, and a package of Monistat.  She said it had just been one of those weeks. We chatted for a few minutes and I told her that her purchase was not as weird or embarrassing as I think she thought it was. But I also didn't tell her I would blog about her.

New Blog Spot Part Two

Ok, what had happened was, we had moved and I have not gotten the internet and the cable set up. I tried to blog from my b.f's phone, but it only let me post that title. In case you were distraught, here is what happened yesterday:

I did warehouse all day. And my lovely coworker commented on/ complimented me about my use of bandanas and headbands and my striking ability to color-coordinate them with the rest of my outfit.

Here is what happened today:
I found out, for the bazillionith time, that someone standing at the Cos counter yelling,
"Does anyone work here?!"
makes me want to punch someone in the neck.
I pulled outs today/ did some interstore shopping, told my store manager some important information about myself, thought about smacking a coworker, and worked in my Hallmark aisle.

This month is my one year anniversary of starting this blog. Happy Anniversary! (I should contact Hallmark about making a card for such an occasion.)

New Blog Spot

Questions

Recently, a regular of mine has been acting very bizarre. He was bizarre before, but his behavior seems to be more alarming. My manager thinks he might have questions and thoughts running through his head all the time, and to alleviate the discomfort of those questions (and possibly conversations) he asks people he sees as he is walking. On his way to the restroom he asked me a question, then the pharmacist. Both questions were non-sequiturs. I think it is his attempt at being friendly.
I was in the Hallmark aisle, and this guy noticed my new Justin Bieber display. (Whoa, it is awesome.) I was working in a different section, but I see him look over my new card selection. Then he turns to me and says,
"Do you know who Justin Bieber is?"
"Yup. I just put those up."
"Oh." He looks disgruntled and upset. Maybe I should have let him tell me who J.B is.
"Ok. So if you had to choose... who would you rather listen to... Justin Bieber, or..... ummm... Janet Jackson?"
"I think I'll go with Jackson on that one."
I look up and his face goes blank. He turns abruptly and flip-flops out of the store.

The Power of Two Front Teeth

These two boys came in, trying to buy some snack food. They knew they were short, but they had me ring it up anyway. They bought two liters of pop, a big bag of chips, and a tray of sour straws. I rung it up, they were over, and they asked me for a quarter. Nope. I advised them that the store brand 20 oz were on sale. They ran back to get them, and one boy said to the other,
"Which root beer did you shake up?"
When I rung them for the new pops, one boy starts to say something, and his friend interrupts him in a loud voice,
"Don't be telling her what to do! She knnnooowwws what she is doing! She's got the pooowwwer!"
Well said, son.

One of my semi-regulars was puttering around the third register, looking at all the magazines. I see something odd on his face. It takes me a second, but I realize it is two front teeth! He has a retainer-type piece, one that holds two front teeth. Many people take it out to eat... although most people do not play with it like that. It was a little freaky. Reminded me of my ex.

On Vaycay

It would be nice to know that our store manager is on vacation. Not because I care about his whereabouts, but because I feel like a dumbass when I page for someone who isn't even in town.

When I got back from lunch I paged for a manager twice in ten minutes because I wanted to know if I should be back on the register or if I should work in Hallmark. No one answered. My coworker paged once, and within a minute one manager called and the other came into the office. I told them, with some attitude, that her call wasn't for her, it was for me. I just wanted to know what the fuck I was doing. It is nice to know ya'll are listening. My coworker says my anger is justified.

Hershey's Chocolate

I almost forgot to do this tonight. Good lord.

I decided I needed my chocolate (and for those of you who are monitoring my eating, I didn't eat what I bought I today).
Two Hershey's Air Delight Chocolate Bar- I had a buy-one-get-one coupon, and they were 59 cents with an ad paper coupon.
Two bags of Hershey's Kisses (one with caramel, the other with almonds)- I had a $1-off-two mnf coupon, they were on sale, and there was an in-store coupon for $1-off-two.
Before my mnf coupons, my total was $6.66, which my coworker got a big kick out of...then I was able to bring it  down to $3.90. Who's laughing now?
I had to put my chocolate in the freezer because I left it out, and my apartment is super-hot and the candy bars turned to liquid. So much for the aeration.