The Phantom Tollbooth

I walked into the stockroom and discovered we had received a large package. Mostly white, (possibly a counter?) with cardboard at either end (for protection), and wrapped in saran wrap.  It was about eight feet tall and three feet wide. The labeling was unclear, and it said that any damages must be documented within 72 hours. I was walking around it, contemplating a Stephen King-like scenario involving this thing when I hear,
"Thats' not for you."
It was my boss, creeping around previously unheard.
"I wasn't going to open it. I was just wondering what it was. You know what it reminds me of? The tollbooth, from The Phantom Tollbooth. Milo gets it to relieve his boredom...and this has come to make my day more interesting. You know what I'm talking about?"
He nodded like he did, but I wasn't convinced. I took this opportunity to suggest corporate sponsors an anger management class for certain employees.

Employee Discount

In order to get the employee discount, via me, I need a head nod or a shout from a coworker, an insurance card, or a valid pay stub card. For the most part, if I've seen the card once, I won't need to see it again. Except if I don't like you, or if the higher-ups have been emphasing checking the stubs. 

This guy who has always been rude to me, is the father of a manager of another store. Apparently they live together (not that unusual, I guess) but he never has any proof that he lives with an employee. He has been coming in since I started working.

Usually someone vouches for him, but lately everyone has been telling me to tell him to bring in his goddamn card. Me telling him that results in me getting yelled at. Today he told me he is going to stop asking me for the discount. Finally. 

Power Outage

Ok, what had happened was...
I didn't post on Wednesday because I was getting ready to leave town to go to a family reunion. Obviously my excitement over going on a vaycay trumped my need to story-ize the minute details of my idiotic work life.
But I have do have time to story-ize what happened today: When I walked in at 8:26 am, the emergency lights were on, the doors were opened halfway, the lights in break-room were off...obviously  the power had gone out. The girl at the front was using a calculator to ring people up. After I punched in, my manager asked if I knew how to calculate the sales tax.
"Hell, no son! Remedial math, all through high school! I'm kind of dumdum when it comes to math..."
A few minutes later I went back over to him and asked him to show me how to do it. We had a whole system going on...the girl at the register would write down the UPC of the items, the guy from photo was calculating the item price plus sales tax, the girl would add everything up and get and give the right change. I was running (yes, literally running) around getting the price of all the customer's items. Some people were very understanding, and were willing to wait around, while others had idiotic questions like,
"Is there something wrong with the registers?"
The whole power outage lasted about forty-five minutes, but it felt like a lot longer. And then our clocks were all different so I wasn't a hundred percent sure what time it was...like a retail time warp. Freaky.

The Best Husband

I complimented one of my elderly regulars on her big locket. After she finally heard me, she was quite pleased. After she paid and stood around for a minute, she came back to show it to me in detail. She opened it up to reveal a picture of her (much younger) and her now-deceased husband. She had such joy in her eyes when she talked about him. Apparently he was a fantastic husband. Every night before they went to bed he would kiss her and tell her she was the best thing that ever happened to him. I love it...
But then she thought I was single because I'm "still a baby."

SuperLate

All I know if I was 34 minutes late I would be super-stressed. And apologetic. And I wouldn't blame only the outside forces, I would acknowledge my inability to get ready on time. Thats just me, though.
(But let the record show that I have never been 34 minutes late...to this job anyway.)

Flamin' Hots and Mullets

Pretty early this morning this guy comes with a part along the back of his head. Above the part he's got his salt n' pepper hair combed forward into a side-swept paigeboy look. And below the part, his hair was in a long ponytail, almost to the center of his back. That is one helluva mullet.

I rung up a couple of Asian guys for $27 worth of Flamin' Hots. They bought eight of our largest bags. Yes, I was wondering why this was happening. And the guy must have known that look and said they were from Canada, and Canada doesn't have Flamin' Hots. So there you go.

"Everybody gets coupons. Not me though".
said the older Indian guy after watching two people in front of him receive long print-outs from our Catalina. He got no print-outs. Not even our most frequent one. How sad.

Neighborhood Kids

This kid I've seen before came in with two I haven't. They rushed in, shouting at each and about the pop they wanted to buy. The kid I knew is a smallish or young white boy and the two boys I didn't were bigger Assyrians. The little one kept picking up stuff (pop, hot chips, candy) the others wanted him to buy. They came up three times and the first two times the little guy didn't have enough money. The other two were laughing and talking (in Assyrian) behind him, and he kept looking back at them, with some stress.
When I did ring him up, he would say he didn't want his change because he didn't need it. I urged him to take it, because I assumed he was only saying that to impress them.
It made me sad to see what I was seeing. The little white boy had been in a similar situation with an older kid I've seen before. I felt like the little boy was being taken advantage of, and that he didn't seem to know who his real friends were. (Maybe he doesn't have any real friends.)
 I told all this to the cop I was ringing up. And I mentioned that I usually know what kids belong to what parents. But that little guy, I've never seen his parents. And I mentioned other things to the cop that would illustrate my keen detective skills.
After I rung her up, she went and talked to the group of boys. They seemed only sort-of interested.

Middle School and Teenage Boys

A boy came to my register, he was probably around 12 or 13, and he proudly bought three Snickers. As he was asking how much a small Red Bull is, his voice cracked. I pretended I didn't notice.

A girl I went to middle school with came in. I wouldn't have seen her if I wasn't covering the midshift's lunch. We were kinda friends...she invited me to her Bat Mitzvah. Anyway, she spoke in a sing-song voice and seemed happy to see me. She acknowledged me first. I knew who she was when she to my register, but honestly I wanted to see if she recognized me. Not sure why I feel embarrassed when my old schoolmates see me behind the register, but I do. Sometimes.

A guy who comes in all the time finally chatted me up. The age he guessed for me was only a year off, but he thought I was still in college. And he is much younger than myself. But I was flattered anyway because he suggested that I need some time off to hang out with my friends and chase boys. Obviously that is what I would do with my time off.

This morning I noticed a guy was wearing a uniform for a car place. His name tag indicated he has been a teammate for four years. My name tag indicates I have been a team member for three years. I awkwardly pointed out to him that is a mate and I am a member. I will assume his confusion came from  the early hour it was. Go team! ( I said that to him, and he laughed).

Bulimia

A small girl with a haggard face came to my register and purchased a big bag of Cheese Munchies, a candy bar, and a 20 oz Diet Coke. She also got a few boxes of women's laxative. A few others on staff thought what I thought.

Possibly Cocaine

We are trying to ring up more people in Cosmetics, so when this big, burly guy came down aisle three, I asked him if he wanted me to ring him up. He said he was just about to ask me that. He bought the following:
three energy shots
two protein bars
two cans of Nos
three theater boxes of Mike and Ikes.
He started joking about his purchases, how he's going to get a sugar and energy rush and go work out. I acknowledged it was a lot of rush he was about to consume and he said
"Not anywhere near what I used to do"
 I told him one of his energy shots needed me to verify he was over 18. He asked if I had tried that one, I said no, and he said that when it first came out it was way more intense. He drank the full bottle and thought he might be on his way to a heart attack. Apparently they changed they changed the formula, but he still only drinks a half bottle at a time. He had a full sleeve and I'm pretty sure he was checking me out.

Even though I have a legitimate reason, almost crying in front of my two male bosses was alarming.

Unicorns and Gay Men

This guy came in with a light blue t-shirt on that said "Lost Unicorn" and a silkscreen of a unicorn. "If you see it you are probably crazy." I told him I liked his shirt.

Another guy came to register with a pop, a container of Elbow Grease (which is a large tub of thick lube, presumably marketed to gay men, based on the picture of a flexed arm on the front), and a big bottle of Wet, which is another kind of lube. I resisted the urge to make obscene comments about his purchases. And I gave him a sweet customer service smile as I handed him his receipt.

One of my first customers was a women with very dated tortoiseshell glasses, a big red "I Love Lucy" hairstyle, and very brown eyebrows. She was not old enough to have such decade confusion. And she bought five cans of Chicken of the Sea Pink Salmon.

Warehouse

I put up warehouse all day. A U-boat, full case, and a few extra totes. 

I also bought those new Girl Scout Crunch bars and ate one and a half. 

And to avoid bag checks I bought stuff on my break, and took them out to my car with no bag. On my first break I bought a Revlon hair dryer (my other one gave me a nasty shock), and Speed Stick deodorant. With my two $1-off coupons, it was $18. Not that great of a deal, but I tried. And I wanted that hair dryer. On my lunch break I bought a 12-pack of Cottenelle toilet paper and a 6-pack of Viva Paper towels. I doubled up my coupons and paid about $5. For my third break I bought Bic razors, Colgate Gum Defense toothpaste, and my three candy bars. I paid $6.50 and got two $1-off coupons. With all the stuff I got today, I think I did ok. 

Twizzlers For Good Karma

My coworker is taking my shift on Thursday so I can go to the doctor's. I decided to bring her a package of Twizzlers to show her that I appreciate her taking that shift. And to get points. I think she appreciated the gesture.

One of my regulars is a tall, disheveled, overweight, white guy with bizarre social skills. Every time he sees me, he looks me right in the eye and says
"Hey." and my name.
 (Damn those name tags.) Lately he has been trying to conversate with me. He asked how my holiday was. Then he told me he remembered that I went to my mom's and that I saw the fireworks. (First part is true, second is not because I was too tired.) Note to self: Do not give him too much personal information. He accidentally took someone else's change today because he was too involved in our chat. And he always ends the "conversation" with
"See you Saturday!"
I don't work Saturdays.

School Supplies!

Today was relaxed, happy, fun, and productive. I parked at 7:25am right next to my manager who pointed out a guy down the street. The guy was thrashing around, yelling, and throwing dirt. He  never got any closer, luckily. We have been getting a lot of the mentally disturbed and disabled coming in. It is starting to freak me out.

I unlocked a case for this guy whose breath was the worst I've encountered in a long time. I could smell it about a foot away. I did not ring him up.

We have a lot of school supplies in our stock room. And we've got a quarter of an aisle set up with binders and such already. And we have an announcement telling customers to shop at our store for school supplies. I feel sorry for the kiddies, but I love school supplies! I got myself a pair of blunt "classroom" scissors for my coupon cutting. For free...

I bought a package of Tide Bleach powder, on sale for $5.99. I had a $1 off mnf coupon.
My scissors were 99 cents on sale. And I had a $1 store/mnf coupon.
I paid $4.48 for the two of them. Soon, I will be clipping my coupons in clean p.js.

Retail Purgatory

I was stuck in some kind of retail-store purgatory today.  No matter how much I prayed, the time didn't go any faster. And I stayed 21 minutes overtime. 

I forgot my lunch today. And my commute is around 40 minutes, so I couldn't go back home to get it. Forgetting my lunch reminds me of middle school anxiety. Luckily I had a Subway coupon, and I ran over there to grab my lunch and a sandwich for my boss. I wolfed it down and ran back on the floor. When I returned to my post, I noticed my snacks were gone. I bought store-brand nuts and toffee squares (both of which were terrible), and they were gone! I called the lady on the floor and asked her where they went. She said she thought they were overstock, and she put them back on the shelf! I told her they were open and I had been snacking...so she looked for them. Thank fuck we didn't sell them! That would have been a crisis! I got my snacks back, put my name on them, and at the end of my shift I put them in my locker. 

Bad Attitude

I have decided that this sulking around I've been doing has got to end. Attitude is everything, and I need to change mine. At the beginning of today at work, I was hugely irritated and slow-moving. I kinda woke up, and started moving faster and being more friendly. I felt better about things once I started being more friendly and upbeat.

Also, I got to roll a pill bug around. Briefly. We have those and beetles and big flys and hornets in our store.

Another bad attitude I encountered was from a possible escort/hooker who lost her phone in our store. She was super-frantic and the notepad that went with her phone had several hotel addresses on them. With dates. I thought she was unfortunate-looking, and she yelled at me for no reason. We have her phone, and it is obviously karma getting back at her for being a bitch. She lost it yesterday and hasn't returned our calls.

So much for my improved attitude. I can do better...I know it.

4th of July

Thank God we got time and a half today. One woman was particularly rude and difficult and it was just because there was a misunderstanding. I'll remember her, though. I will absolutely do nothing good for her in the near future. And karma will get her. But right after her a sweet woman in a fabulous shade of pink told me I don't have to take that, and that none of us deserved to be treated like that.

My coworker and I had a lot of chat time. And interesting I probably shared too much information about myself.

While in the Hallmark aisle, I remembered what I had done on the 4th of July in years past and it kind of threw me off, because I had some interesting 4ths', to say the least. Some of them are not worth remembering. And about my Hallmark aisle, it would look a lot better if I had some time to work on it. Like maybe more than once a week. It makes no sense for me to hang out in that aisle and try to be on Register one. The same goes for my Hallmark bay. I'm just saying.

Rice N' Roll

Today a familiar face came to my register. Actually, it was her shirt that was familiar. It was the owner of Rice N' Roll! Rice N' Roll is a fabulous Thai, Japanese, and Chinese place. You order at the front, sit down in the plastic booths or chairs, and they bring you big portions of delicious. I pointed to her shirt, and said that I liked it. She asked if I had been there, and I told her that I had, a couple of times. And she proudly announced that she was the owner! I praised her place a couple of times, and mentioned I had gone because I had an Entertainment book coupon. Really, I hoped she would give me another coupon but... there is always tomorrow.
Go check it out. It really is fabulous. And dinky.

Overtime

Tell me if I'm wrong: I had a hard day and as I was leaving this girl approached me.
"Excuse me? Miss?"
"Oh I'm sorry, I'm not on the clock."
"I know you're not on the clock, but I just need a female's opinion, so if you don't mind..."
"I do mind. I'm sorry, but I do this all day. I have to go."
She had plently of opportunities to ask me for my opinion, because I walked past her a few times. Also, there were a few other female employees who were still on the clock. And, I used my nice customer service voice.
When I mentioned to my coworker and manager what words me and that girl exchanged, my manager said I should be nicer. He said karma is a bitch and there is no reason to act like "them". I said that I really don't give a fuck (I know, that part isn't nice), and that I work all day and I'm allowed to assert myself. The time I have after work is my time and I absolutely don't need to spend it helping a customer. Perhaps he thought I used my aggressive voice.
On the upside, I get to come in fifteen minutes late tomorrow because I got overtime this week. And they don't want to pay me for overtime.

Fanny Packs

This guy comes up to me and asks if we sell fanny packs. Sir, what does your digital watch say? Is it 1993? No? Then we do not have fanny packs. Usually when a customer asks for a product we don't carry, I'll refer them to a store I think might. For this gentleman, I didn't even try. Do they even sell them anymore? Probably in thrift stores.

Speaking of second-hand, I need to head out to a second hand shop to grab a few more khakis. Not only is my size changing, but this morning during my commute I put my buttered bagel on my lap and then spent the whole day with a butter stain on my leg. Dang.