Baby Oil

I was in Cosmetics today, and this good-looking but little-English-speaking woman came up to me. She said (in broken English) that she was taking her kids to the pool today (thats' good, it was 102 degrees, literally) and she wanted to know what to use for the sun. She was holding a bottle of baby oil and a bottle of 30 SPF sunscreen. I said,
"Oh my God. Use the sunscreen. The baby oil will fry you alive."
Her and her daughters said thank you.
Later on they came back to dispute a price and her kid was trying on lipstick. Then she put it back. Disgusting. I caught her trying to open a package of cotton rounds and I said,
"Nope. You don't want to do that. Put that down."
And her face turned red as she walked away. I wasn't that friendly when she told me about her price issues. But I did call a manager promptly so I wouldn't have to deal with them. Maybe I should have told her to use the baby oil. (Just kidding!)

Unsupervised Children Vs. Loiters

Kids that I normally only see a few times a week are coming in a couple times of day now because it is summer break. And they are probably unsupervised. This kid who was probably a few inches taller than four feet came in. He had a faux-hawk and was wearing a brown terry-cloth bathrobe, a t-shirt, shorts and sandals. The high today reached well into the 90's, so the second time he came in I asked if he was hot. He said no. He had some trouble counting his money, and he hadn't been taught that tossing money at cashiers is rude. And he was with a much taller and probably older kid, who is someone that I suspect has some unsavory behavior under his belt.

The loiterer came and stepped in front of someone to double-bag his nasty clothes. I gave him a look and he said it was going to be ok. I don't like this guy because while I was on my lunch one day he yelled to me to come over, then started following me. When I turned around to ask him what the hell his problem was he asked me for money. Then he started in on his sob story and told me he wasn't a criminal. I feel that if you have to specify that, you probably are. Because I listened to him, I punched in late to lunch. He was wearing the same thing that day as today. According to our customer, he was harassing women and following people to their cars, asking for money. I told my manager who told me to tell the store manager. I told my manager that she should just let me loose so I could tell this guy to get out of our parking lot. Anyway, the loiterer told our store manager that he is racist, and that he just stopped someone from driving into our store. When the cops came around the corner, this guy booked it.

F.Y.I: stores are confusing to the general public because they are actually private property. We can, in fact, kick people out of the store. With good reason. I would like to see us utilize that right more frequently.

Drug Tests and Yeast Infection Remedies

I was very hostile this morning. Mostly at my off-duty manager.

A stressed-out and slightly embarrassed woman came to my register with a bunch of household items, an at-home drug test, and a package of Monistat.  She said it had just been one of those weeks. We chatted for a few minutes and I told her that her purchase was not as weird or embarrassing as I think she thought it was. But I also didn't tell her I would blog about her.

New Blog Spot Part Two

Ok, what had happened was, we had moved and I have not gotten the internet and the cable set up. I tried to blog from my b.f's phone, but it only let me post that title. In case you were distraught, here is what happened yesterday:

I did warehouse all day. And my lovely coworker commented on/ complimented me about my use of bandanas and headbands and my striking ability to color-coordinate them with the rest of my outfit.

Here is what happened today:
I found out, for the bazillionith time, that someone standing at the Cos counter yelling,
"Does anyone work here?!"
makes me want to punch someone in the neck.
I pulled outs today/ did some interstore shopping, told my store manager some important information about myself, thought about smacking a coworker, and worked in my Hallmark aisle.

This month is my one year anniversary of starting this blog. Happy Anniversary! (I should contact Hallmark about making a card for such an occasion.)

New Blog Spot

Questions

Recently, a regular of mine has been acting very bizarre. He was bizarre before, but his behavior seems to be more alarming. My manager thinks he might have questions and thoughts running through his head all the time, and to alleviate the discomfort of those questions (and possibly conversations) he asks people he sees as he is walking. On his way to the restroom he asked me a question, then the pharmacist. Both questions were non-sequiturs. I think it is his attempt at being friendly.
I was in the Hallmark aisle, and this guy noticed my new Justin Bieber display. (Whoa, it is awesome.) I was working in a different section, but I see him look over my new card selection. Then he turns to me and says,
"Do you know who Justin Bieber is?"
"Yup. I just put those up."
"Oh." He looks disgruntled and upset. Maybe I should have let him tell me who J.B is.
"Ok. So if you had to choose... who would you rather listen to... Justin Bieber, or..... ummm... Janet Jackson?"
"I think I'll go with Jackson on that one."
I look up and his face goes blank. He turns abruptly and flip-flops out of the store.

The Power of Two Front Teeth

These two boys came in, trying to buy some snack food. They knew they were short, but they had me ring it up anyway. They bought two liters of pop, a big bag of chips, and a tray of sour straws. I rung it up, they were over, and they asked me for a quarter. Nope. I advised them that the store brand 20 oz were on sale. They ran back to get them, and one boy said to the other,
"Which root beer did you shake up?"
When I rung them for the new pops, one boy starts to say something, and his friend interrupts him in a loud voice,
"Don't be telling her what to do! She knnnooowwws what she is doing! She's got the pooowwwer!"
Well said, son.

One of my semi-regulars was puttering around the third register, looking at all the magazines. I see something odd on his face. It takes me a second, but I realize it is two front teeth! He has a retainer-type piece, one that holds two front teeth. Many people take it out to eat... although most people do not play with it like that. It was a little freaky. Reminded me of my ex.

On Vaycay

It would be nice to know that our store manager is on vacation. Not because I care about his whereabouts, but because I feel like a dumbass when I page for someone who isn't even in town.

When I got back from lunch I paged for a manager twice in ten minutes because I wanted to know if I should be back on the register or if I should work in Hallmark. No one answered. My coworker paged once, and within a minute one manager called and the other came into the office. I told them, with some attitude, that her call wasn't for her, it was for me. I just wanted to know what the fuck I was doing. It is nice to know ya'll are listening. My coworker says my anger is justified.

Hershey's Chocolate

I almost forgot to do this tonight. Good lord.

I decided I needed my chocolate (and for those of you who are monitoring my eating, I didn't eat what I bought I today).
Two Hershey's Air Delight Chocolate Bar- I had a buy-one-get-one coupon, and they were 59 cents with an ad paper coupon.
Two bags of Hershey's Kisses (one with caramel, the other with almonds)- I had a $1-off-two mnf coupon, they were on sale, and there was an in-store coupon for $1-off-two.
Before my mnf coupons, my total was $6.66, which my coworker got a big kick out of...then I was able to bring it  down to $3.90. Who's laughing now?
I had to put my chocolate in the freezer because I left it out, and my apartment is super-hot and the candy bars turned to liquid. So much for the aeration.

Warehouse

Mostly I worked on warehouse.

"Why do you lock these up?"
"Because people steal them."
"Really?!"
"Yes."
Why do people lock up anything? Because theft is high among certain items. Actually, I had my store lock up this particular item so I could have an excuse to talk to you. Don't ask stupid questions. If I say I will ring you up in cosmetics if you are ready, or leave it at the front, please do not think I am rushing you. And do not get stressed that I am walking away with your item. If you were listening in the first place you wouldn't be so upset. What is the point of us locking items up in the first place if I just hand it to you? But no, I do not think you personally will steal. I'm just trying to do my goddamn job.

That Lady

Dear S.B.A,

You know that woman that always asks for you? She never takes off her sunglasses and she has a sister? She came in today to ask for you. And I was at the register. When I told her you were on vaycay she said,
"So you can help me?"
"Nope. I'm up here."
I noticed that she had some crust issues on her lips. And she seemed kind of sad no one would help her. So I called someone to cover for me so I could help find her hair dye. She didn't want any of them because the medium blondes were too brown and the blondes were too bright. Then she returned some lipstick. Someone told her all lipsticks were created equal, which simply isn't true.

I was mean to some older lady. She usually fusses about us having to check her ID for her checks. I asked her for her ID, she said the pharmacy has her in their system. I told her we don't have the same system. She said that we do. And then I accused her of taking our pen. It got a little heated. I will probably apologize to her next time I see her.

Heart. K.

My Report

Dear S.B.A,

It has come to my attention that the new girl likes candy as much as I do. I left some Twizzlers by the register when I went to work on Hallmark, and when I went back to get them, they were almost all gone. In her defense, I offered her a few. And I had some cookies up there, because one of our I'm-a-diet coworkers bought them, then had some remorse and gave them to me. The cookies had dimished significantly too. Which was ok because they weren't that good. And I certaintly don't need all those cookies. I gave her the rest of Sweettarts our other I'm-a-diet coworker gave me.
Just thought you should know that we share a love of the sweets. Perhaps we could bond over that. (Although I think my love runs deeper.)
Did you ever find those macaroons?

Cupcakes to you!
K

The Truck

Dear S.B.A,
I got to work at 6:30 am, just like I was supposed to. The truck didn't come in until 7:10. I was a little salty. I spent the time before the truck putting away interstore merch and being really dizzy and kind of sick. I also puttered around and noticed the amount of bugs that are on our floor. And I flipped a beetle back over.

After I ate some Twizzlers I felt better.

Every time I take in the truck our boss tells me this is what you do. Which is totally irritating because it is not like I don't know what you do, and its' not like I haven't taken in the dang truck before.

Also, I lost an earring. It was new, and a pearl set in a silver circle setting. I am totally bummed.

When are you back?
K

Those Are Some Mighty Big Spectacles

Dear S.B.A,

Among our long list of projects and tedious chores we do at work everyday, my latest reminders included:
1) Dress more professionally (always a problem, it seems)
2) Ask everyone in your aisle if they need assistance.
I was on my back from the drinking fountain, walking down aisle 9, and I see this little tiny woman squinting at the store-brand painkillers. Why she was squinting is beyond me, because this woman was wearing some giant glasses. They were obviously from the 80's or early 90's, possibly men's, far too big for her shrunken head, and, they were askew. Perhaps her ears are not level, but I think she just put them on wrong and didn't notice. This situation was especially unfortunate because they were bifocals.
She said she would appreciate it if I would help her find all the item on her list. So there we go. I helped her zig-zag throughout the store, offering my opinions on the best deals and then rung her up at Cosmetics. She was a sweet little old lady. I just wish she would wear her ginormous glasses straight. And you know me, I fucking love big glasses.

You will be pleased to know I rung up a lot of people at Cosmetics. And I sold one suggestive sale item at that counter.

Go team.
-K

Coonskin Cap

Dear S.B.A,
There was somebody worthy of an Instagram shot today. A tall white boy, red basketball jersey, black shorts, sneakers, and a goddamn coonskin cap! I know you are out of town, so I will let you know that it was 90 degrees, sunny, and kind of humid. How that kind of weather would provoke someone to come out of their house in that outfit, I do not understand.

Two stressed-out looking men were looking for breast aids for women who are breast-feeding. Some pads and some gel. I, of course, was very helpful.

I was also helpful to our manager so he could get a great deal on razors. He was unsure on how to use his coupon, and I schooled him.

I moved kinda slow today, like a manatee. I hope to speed it the hell up tomorrow.

Heart, Kimbrella

Mulch Fire

Dear S.B.A,
A guy I have seen before came in with his bike and asked if he could leave it by the other register.
"Sure, but I can't watch it for you."
"Ok, I'll just be a second. Where are the water bottles?"
"Aisle 9."
"Thanks. Oh, and just so you know, someone lit the mulch on fire. Right by the front door. Its' not blazing, but you should think about putting it out."
What?! Right on. He goes to get his water and I page,
"Help. On one."
I couldn't think about what else to page that wouldn't have caused a panic. Our coworker comes up and offers to help me put it out. To me, the fire looks like an accident, caused by a cigarette. But according to our boss, we are in the hood, and this was no accident.

I got to file some invoices and use the rubber stamp with our store info on it. It was pretty thrilling.

If you were at work today, you would have been happy to note who is back.

Heart. K.

Left To My Own Devices

Dear S.B.A,

I looked at your notes and realized the woman in Cos last night did most of them already. I tried to pull the bay, which was really just me standing upstairs, gossiping, and eating cheese puffs.

I worked on my Hallmark for most of the day, and felt pretty relaxed. Irritated that I still feel like I'm underwater, but relaxed about my workload.

Tomorrow I am back on the register and I am not happy about it.

Heart, K

Long Day

Today was an especially long day. I worked from 8:30 am to 6 p.m.. I made it through, mostly because I organized my breaks properly.

The S.B.A went on vaycay again. I might have to "write letters" to her again.

I still feel like I'm underwater because of my ears, which I think is making me more hostile than usual.

Note to self: the Kraft Mac n' cheese lunch bowls are tasteless. And I think I burned my tongue on it.

Inventory

I got to work at 7:30 this morning, so I could help out with the inventory. Once a year, people come to our store and count everything. And I mean everything.
I had to count the cigarettes before they counted them. We have a lot of them. I counted each row, then added each row to the next. The amount of numbers I was adding to each was almost too much for me. And sadly, I had to do a recount because my numbers were off. And because my numbers were off, I was messing with my coworkers.

On the upside, our boss's boss bought me a 24oz Mountain Dew, which I was admiring.

The good news about inventory is that we can't do anything until they're done. So I spent my morning doing nothing. Which I should have enjoyed, but couldn't. It felt weird. I got to work in the afternoon.

I have another earache and can't hear very well. Again. But I did get a good deal on vitamins.