Frazzled

I don't know why, but today was particularly frazzling and crazy. Possibly this was just me.

There was some unrest going on between my coworkers, when one told the other she had an attitude problem.

I had to ask my boss if it was ok to call the guy on the floor up to the register if I felt like smacking someone. He said yes.

When I clocked back into work after lunch my store manager tells me that if I can deal with our customers and issues at this store, then I can handle any fucking job anyfuckingwhere.

The last straw was when my relief coworker comes in late and then SHOPS! I saw him in aisle three gettin' his protein bars, then coming up to the register. Granted, I only punched out eight minutes late, but he shouldn't be coming in late, and then grabbing what he wants before coming to his post. I don't even do that in the mornings when we aren't busy. But at 4:30 in the afternoon, its Drive Time and I was swamped and my line was long even with the guy at Register Two. Speaking of that guy, I asked him if he could come up to my register at 4:25 so I could put away my overstock and clock out on time. He didn't, but then he made up for it by listening to me vent while I was in the aisles putting away some of my overstock, and he evidentily felt sorry for me or decided I was crazy enough to be a threat,(especially when I freaked out about not being able to find where the Orchard Blossoms Patriot candle went) so he offered to put the rest of the stuff up. On my way out I gently and kindly asked my store manager to tell the latecomer to stop coming in late and for the love of Baby Jesus don't shop before arriving at his post. And I told him if he doesn't tell him, I will and the way he says it will be a lot different then the way I'll say it. My store manager turns to my other manager and says "Looks like you have some work to do." Finally, at least someone will be working.

Good Karma

This morning this little, elderly Asian woman came up to my register needing to borrow a pen. She walked away and wrote on an empty box of store-brand allergy meds. As she was leaving she said she wanted to ask me a question. "Go ahead", I told her.
In broken and confusing English she told me she wanted to tell her aunt who wasn't really her aunt but actually a family friend, but not much of that either because she won't pick up her calls and she has always been mean to her, about this medication. She asked if she should call this woman even though she wasn't picking up her calls and has always been mean to her because of something this woman's (my customer's) mother had done to her. I tried to clarify the situation and I asked if she was sending this woman something in the mail. I thought maybe my customer wanted to send this family friend the meds she had just purchased. Because apparently the so-called family friend was not in good health and didn't leave the house much. I told my customer that it was karma interfering with the family friend's life, which was why she was in poor health and no one wanted to talk to her. I told her not to bother mailing her meds. Further clarification revealed that my customer only wanted to speak to her "aunt" to tell her about the effectiveness of the medication. The other woman lives in California. But she wouldn't pick up my customer's calls. I told this woman that even though this so-called friend had been difficult and mean to her because of what her mother may or may not have done, good karma would be on her way if she called the California woman to tell her about the medication. Even if Ms. California didn't pick up the phone, she should leave a message announcing the medication's effectiveness and suggesting she pick some up. If she does that it would prove she still cares about Ms. California despite the past misdeeds of said woman. Thus, her conscience would be clear and she would gain good karma. I told her it would be bad karma to withhold information from this woman.
She seemed to like this advice, and said she would call her so-called friend when she got home.

My friend in cosmetics heard part of this conversation and told me later that it sounded like I was in a therapy session.

Overtime

Today I got to clock out an hour early because I was going to get overtime. I miscalculated my breaks, though. I thought I still got the two fifteens and a lunch, but because it was a 7 hour shift, I got one fifteen and a lunch. So the home stretch was a little difficult. But it was nice to be able to leave sooner than usual. And an hour overtime is pretty significant.

Christmas Eve Day

I got to work super early, as in: 7:15 am, but I left at 4:30. I brought in a cake that said "Happy Holidays heart Kim". And we had Pita Inn lunch in the breakroom. Everyone brought something, maybe.

I rang up non-stop, pretty much. Losing my mind and stressing out. Although I didn't have a whole lot of arguments, just a ton of people. My boss says that if and when I feel like smacking someone in the side of the head, I need to call my coworker up to the register to cover me.

Our employee discount was 25% off, instead of our 15% off, so I bought a lot of stuff I wouldn't normally. And of course, more than I meant to.

This guy came in early, wearing pedaphociles and carrying a lot of papers, asking about when we were open. "What about tomorrow? Is the pharmacy open tomorrow? What about January 2nd? Are you open January 2nd? Is the pharmacy open?" I looked at him, and realized his belt and waistband were down past his waist. Just under his coat, I could see the skinny whiteness of his creepy thigh. I give him a "what the hell is wrong with you?" look. Then he gave me a similar look, which kind of threw me off. So I stared him down as he walked out of the store.

The First Day of Winter

Today was the first day of winter. The Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the year. An important day for the pagans. Unfourtuantly, all I did was bake some sugar cookies. And they weren't even that good.

I have been feeling especially crazy at work recently. I get real high-strung.

My sister and mother came in! They printed some collage prints, they shopped a little, and I made sure they got my discount. When they left my boss said they looked like me, which startled him, but he still wasn't sure if they were my family because they were quiet. Then he launched into some hypothetical conversation wherein he tells someone they know him from prison.

Clock Out!

Just a tip:
When your best cashier has to clock out at 4:30 but her relief/the second shift is about to get overtime so he won't show up until 5:30 or maybe 6, it might be a good idea to tell the cashier. Because then she won't spend 21 minutes standing at the register waiting until he shows up. And then she won't make the guy on the floor come to the register so he can take over and so he can tell the next cashier (who wasn't actually late, but she thought he was) that he was a bitch who needs to learn how to come to work on time. Actually, it's not even necessary to tell the best cashier the next guy will come in late. Just put it on the schedule so people know what the hell is going on.

Cosmetics and Assyrians

I was in cosmetics today, but I spent a while at the register stocking my cigarettes. I was super-tired, and kind of useless. It took me a long time to accomplish anything. And the day did not go as fast as anticipated. I got off at 4, which didn't come soon enough. As I clocked out, the next shift clocked in and she said there were cops outside because there was some woman who was falling all over our parking lot, and possibly in the street. She was drunk, evidentially.

One of my regulars asked if I was over 21, then said: "I only want to know because I am trying to ask you out for a drink." It seems when he gets stressed out, his accent comes out more. And when I told him I don't drink, and was about to mention I have a boyfriend, he interrupted me to say: "Tea? Lunch? Something?" Except not that desperate. When I relayed this info to my Assyrian coworker he said this guy must be Assyrian because he asked me out for tea instead of coffee.

Robbery

A white guy wearing a big puffy black coat waited in line for my register. When he got there, he leaned in and said
"Open up the drawer. Open up the fucking register and give me the money. You think I'm playin'? Open the fucking register."
My heart and mind sank, along with my stomach while I tried to asses the situation. At first I thought he might need change (like everyone else). Then I thought he was "just playin'". I realized he was serious and thought about how my hesitation might cost me my life. When I looked down at what he was holding, I felt a little better. It wasn't a Glock, which in my opinion is a neccessary accessory to this sort of activity, it was a nail file, the one with the tip to clean under your nails with. I looked deep into his hazel eyes, and decided he wasn't fucked up on drugs and he wasn't going to kill me. So I said,
"No. I'm sorry, I just can't do that."
I looked around to see if anyone else was witnessing this, but no one was. The guy panics; I don't think he counted on my saying no, and he ran out of the store.
My coworker comes up to purchase a Dr. Pepper and she asks why I look so weird. I say "I think I just adverted a robbery. Someone just came up and asked me to give him the drawer." She freaks the hell out and tells me to call our store manager up here now. She was the one who made sure the cops were called. When they came, I was pulled off the register and looked at the security video and IDed the guy. I answered all the questions about what he was wearing and what he looked like, and the beat cop told the detective "I got this". I gave them my ID and asked my manager what I should have done if he had had a gun or another life-threatening weapon.

After work the cop picks me up to see if the guy who just commited a car-jacking was my guy (he wasn't) and the cop did not seem pleased I said it wasn't him. While I was at my other job the cops came to my home and shone lights on my balcony asking for the victim to come out and answer some questions. My boyfriend calls me to tell me this, so I call the cop back and tell him that I work two jobs and am very busy; I barely have enough time to do laundry, so any questions they have for me can be done during my work hours while I am punched in because this is a work-related matter. I told him I will talk to my boss tomorrow and see if I can come down to the station (while punched in, of course).
This is obviously why I need to pay close attention to people who come to my register.

Missing

A coworker who only comes in Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays has not come in Monday or today. Should I be worried? Instincts says no, he is probably dealing with school issues. But I am wondering what he could be doing. He is the only one who routinely answers my pages, and I like knowing he is somewhere in the store in the event that I need him. Also, because he has not been coming in, my manager puts two people on the floor. Which would lead me to believe he has requested time off, because otherwise how would my manager know to schedule the two we need to replace him? So many questions, and none of it is my business.

Photo Specialist

I got my B.F.A in Photography with a minor in Women and Gender Studies. My name tag declares that I am a photo specialist. Although in real life, I rarely hang out in the photo department. I don't really know the equipment as well as I should and I get kind of nervous. Today, though, I was awesome! I took three passports and didn't really mess up. Well, kinda. But I knew how to fix it. And I told some woman the film she brought in wasn't 35mm (although it wasn't 120 or 110...my manager said it was "safety" or "specialist" film. I don't know what that is.) and I told her we didn't have the equipment to process it for prints so she should head over to Ritz. I changed the paper a few times, released orders, printed tags, and felt pretty good about being pulled off the register. Technically I was supposed to be on the floor, but the Head Photo Specialist had a recurring and needy customer so I really had to help her out. I think things went relatively smoothly. I have much more confidence over there, and it was actually pretty fun. Yea for specializing in photos! Which reminds me, I have to order collage prints and photo gifts for Xmas.

Good News

The good news is this:
The Christmas schedule was put up, and I actually got what I wanted. I also got what I wanted for the Thanksgiving schedule, so things are looking good.
Also, a coworker who left for a better job is now coming back one day a week. I'm pretty stoked. He is fun to work with.

Roommates and The New Guy

I got to train the newest guy today. He was pretty chill. Which is a nice way of saying he moved kind of slowly. I like him, though. Seems like he will be fun to work with. And he wore dress shoes, a white button-up and dress pants, which I appreciated since so many (or all) of us dress way down.

I had a roommate in college who smoked an unbelievable amount of pot, adjusted the heater and a/c frequently and unnecessarily, cooked and ordered out more than I thought possible and NEVER cleaned up after herself. When we were all cleaning out the apartment to move out, she had conveniently disappeared. She left many items, including a Kermit the Frog bowl, which I still have. Her idiot boyfriend seemed to live with us as well. She was adopted and spoiled beyond belief. She went to a private high school and lacked a basic understanding about how to deal with people and the world in which we live. Point of the story: I saw her and her boyfriend today at my work. I even rung them up! They bought a Monster and a yellow Gatorade. I did not acknowledge them in any way, aside from the usual customer service acknowledgment. Being in the town over from where I grew up, I see quite a few people I know from my past. Even though I feel I should expect it now, it still always comes as a surprise. I usually like surprises, but some I could do without.

Sherlock Holmes

I am reading a book written from a series of letters the author found in trunk willed to her. It is about the female friend of Sherlock Holmes. The protagonist's ability to recall details about people and situations is something I envy. It is something I need to work on, in the event I am ever called upon to be an eyewitness in a situation at my store. However, whenever I find myself committing something to memory about a person, I also find myself staring at said person, which is rude and unhelpful.

I have started wearing my glasses more often than my contacts, because my glasses are actually my right prescription. Many of my regulars have finally noticed, and then commented. Luckily for my self-esteem, they have all been good comments.

My first customer today was a guy in a jacket with a fur lining, unzipped at the top. He wore a blue button-up, and was tanned. He mentioned how cold it was and I answered that it was indeed chilly outside. He volunteered that he was from Palm Beach, to which I said "Wow, you're far from home. What brings you up here? You're going to need a better winter coat. It gets a lot worse." He said he is only here for a few days a couple of times of year for work. It was 81 degrees when he left. I told him he needs winter accessories like mittens, hat, and scarf. I might have sounded like my mother.

The Ususal

It got pretty hectic today and I yelled at some people I shouldn't have. Namely, some 14 year old kid who was yelling at me to ask for someone along the front wall but I was on the phone with a woman who wanted to know why no one had gotten back to her about a stock check on a Vanity Fair issue.

Our eggs are 99 cents right now which has lead to a huge number of customers needing dairy products. I feel a little overwhelmed with the sales, our coupons, my coupons, and shopping.

Our Sweetarts are 3/75 cents with an in-store coupon (5111). I have a Catalina coupon for a $1 off 6. Tomorrow I will be getting 6 Sweetarts for about 50 cents. I can't beat that price!

A Bit of Self-Awareness

In the hopes of continuing this project and not letting it taper out like I seem to do with so many other projects, I told myself I would write after work everyday. Yesterday, that did not happen. Normally I would just feel bad about myself and my inability to stay consistent with my self-assigned assignments, but then I decided to let it go, and write this morning anyway. Just not about the ridiculousness that occurs at work, but rather about my goals and ideas surrounding this project.

I like being in a service job, as hard and unrecognized it can be sometimes. I believe that each service job has it's own challenges and unique issues. I also believe that service jobs are not just for the unqualified and dummies of the world. Many of us in the service industry are smart and funny and occasionally customer-service oriented.

The other day a co-worker of mine who actually reads (however occasionally) this publication, told another co-worker I had created a blog about work. Co-worker #2 responded with a snort and an incredulous look towards me and this statement: "A blog?! What the hell do you have to write about? And what the hell for?" It hurt my feelings and made me think about what exactly I was doing. My goals are not lofty; I wish to create a journal of sorts about what goes on at my workplace and those who visit it. Is that really so unbelievable? There are many movies and books about those of us in the service industry. Two that come to mind are the movie Waiting and the book Nickel and Dimed.

The problem with work in the service industry is that we are easily replaceable. We are often threatened, however indirectly, that if we do not follow procedure and directions, we will be fired and another will easily be found to take our place. This may be true to a certain extent. But all of us have a unique capability to deal with what is thrown at us in our respective industry. We may not need the schooling and the training required by those in the medical profession, but I assure you, we are schooled and trained in a way that reflects the needs of our workplace. I honestly believe it takes a special person to work the service industry. I, of course, am one of those people.

Sadly, there are other professions I wish I had. Such as real-estate agent, massage therapist or hair-stylist. I also want to manage an apartment complex. Will I ever reach these goals? Hard to tell. In the meantime I want to write about what goes on at work. I find service industry stories the funniest and most relatable. I find my time spent at work is less soul-crushing when I allow (or force) myself to believe that whatever is going on will make fabulous fodder for the writing I hope to do after my shift.

I like this blog. And I like my jobs. And on it goes.

Sick

No, not sick as in awesome, but sick as in I feel achy and irritated and my nose is running and my throat and chest kind of hurts and I feel icky and I have to pee a lot on account of all the damn liquids I've been drinking. I was telling my co-workers and boss that one of the most irritating things about being at the register is that you have to ask someone if you can go to the bathroom. Granted, no one says no to me, but it is still kind of sad to have to ask. Like I'm back in grade school and have to rely on the niceness of others so I can relieve my damn bladder.

On the upside, I basically paid 2 cents for a small bottle of Dawn, two bottles of cough syrup (Nature Fusion-Vicks) and two 20oz of Arizona Tea. Using my coupons. I'm too sick to explain this now. I have to go to bed. I'm thinking about using a sick day tomorrow. God forbid I get one of my old ladies sick.

Toast Spread

8:10 am
My co-worker and I were chit-chatting at the register when this guy rushes in and asks us if we know where the toe spray is.
"Toe spray?" I say
The guy, impatiently: "Yes, the toe spray."
"Aisle 8"
My co-worker turns to me and mouths "Ewww."
A few minutes later the guy yells to me from down the aisle "Aisle 8? Are you sure? I don't see it."
"I'm sorry, sir. What did you need?"
"TOAST SPREAD!"
"Toast spread?" And I'm thinking, jelly? Does he want jelly? Nutella? What? Who says "toast spread" anyway? So I reply "Aisle 9?" Because perhaps he wants some butter.
He yells out "Are you guessing?"
"Yes. I do not know what you are asking for."
"Toast spread!"
I yell out to the same co-worker to help him out and I hear the muffled reply of her annoyed yet confused answer. "Sir, I have never heard it called that. Aisle 9. Sorry."
Apparently the man wanted toast bread.

Black Friday

Black Friday at my store was not as out-of-control as I thought. I got there at 7am, which is an hour earlier than my usual schedule. I rush up to the door and realize we aren't open. There are people waiting around already so I call my store and tell my boss to open up for me. He does, but then closes and locks the doors again. I go punch in and ask him  if he knows we open early. He said he wasn't sure so I told him that I was. "We opened early on Halloween, so why wouldn't we on Black Friday? And today isn't warehouse, so why else am I here so early?" He told me to go check with the boss. So I asked my store manager if we should be open now and he says "Its' seven, right? Why else would I schedule you?" I got some attitude with him and said he should tell the manager that. I knew what time we opened.

We were, of course, way busier than we usually are. Consequently, I didn't finish ordering the cigars. Could be trouble.

Black Friday Preparation

I got pulled off the register to take down two endstands and put up our "free" Black Friday merch on one, and the good deals on another. I didn't finish because we were pretty busy and I got distracted by various co-workers. So, sadly, I did not follow my boss's directions to "get 'er done".

Not On The Register

Thanks to the Good Lord and my bosses for not leaving me at the register all day. The new girl came in around 9am and I was relieved of my ringing duties, for the most part. Sadly, I did not print out my register report at the end of the day, so I have no idea how many suggestive sale items I sold. I did hang out in the candy and Christmas aisles for a better part of the day. And I got to chat with some much-missed co-workers. All in all, a much better day than yesterday. Even with my stressed-out boss telling me work faster.

I Do Not Like It Here

I was totally not excited about being at work today. I felt better after an energy drink. But I still did not want to be there. I hate feeling like that.

Clocking In Late

I have been having problems with a co-worker who cannot seem to make it to work on time. Normally I wouldn't have a problem, but he is my relief and if he is late, that usually means I have to punch out late. And I wouldn't mind punching out late if I didn't get 40 hours a week. But me getting overtime sometimes results in me getting yelled at. Also it seems that this individual does not have any remorse for his tardiness. So I spent a lot of time fussing about this guy this week. And karma got me because I had trouble getting to work on time this week. Yesterday I punched in six minutes late, and today I punched in four minutes late. This kind of tardiness irritates the hell out of me. The lesson here is that I should not have spent so much time fussing about and judging this guy about his tardiness. Because then I ended up being the late one.

My Chinese Boyfriend

A family was standing near my register and the small child began wandering towards the door. His father (presumably) yelled out to him " Don't go near the door! There are cars out there! You get hit, you die!"
I chuckled at his warning, only because it was so direct and intense. Although evidently the boy didn't recognize the severity of the situation and had to be warned again. "You get hit, you die!" When they actually were ready to be rung up, the father asked me how I was doing. I said "Ok."
"Ok. That's it?"
I looked at him and deadpanned "I'm thrilled to be here."
"Thrilled? Why? Is your boyfriend Chinese?"
I burst out laughing and assumed this gentleman was a Chinaman.

The New Girl

I got to train another new girl on the register today. She seems really competent, cool, and fun to work with. I talked with her the most out of everyone I have trained, and I feel that I prepared her the most for the ridiculous nonsense that happens in my second home.

Overage

Our store gives out high-value coupons with certain purchases. These coupons work very well to knock off a significant amount from the total. Each item can have a coupon applied to it. I purchase a lot of name-brand items usually using a $1 off coupon for each of them. Then I get a store-brand item and use a high-value store coupon so the overage from the high-value coupon goes towards the total. This is why extreme couponers often purchase in such bulk; so they can use overage from certain coupons towards other products with low-value coupons.
My Shopping List for Today:
1 Advil Pm-$7.99 on sale, used a $1 off coupon
1 Zicam Extreme Congestion Spray- $10.99 on sale, used a $2 off coupon
5 jars of store-brand tomato sauce- 39 cents each with the store coupon, used a $9 off coupon
2 boxes of Toll House crackers- on sale 2/$5, used a $1 off coupon
My total, with my employee discount, was $8 something. But I got a $2 off coupon for my next purchase.
I'm not extreme enough to get on the t.v show yet, but I'm working on it.

Mushrooms and Other Vegetables

One of our long-time regulars made an appearance today. She is old and I actually assumed she died because she hasn't been here awhile. Anyway, apparently she had to continue shopping elsewhere because she asked to leave her bags at my register. The leafy stalks of her vegetables were sticking out of the bags and my store manager came over and said "What the hell is this? What's happening?" And that threw me into a fit of giggles.

The weather has been getting chillier and people have been coming in their winter berets. I imagine them as little mushroom people toddling around my store. And I imagine our store as a bizarre garden. These mushroom people come up and pay their toll to get out of the store. And they toddle out wearing their mushroom caps.

I think I might be losing my mind.

The Midshift

I worked the midshift today, and it was actually kind of fun. Although I just realized I forgot to print out my register report. Dang. Anyway, I got in at noon, then left at 8:30. I built endstands, did some merchandizing, made a sign, filled in at the register as needed. The day went by real quick. I also had some fun gossiping time and got a lot of exercise running around the store. And I helped out the Cosmetics department. I forgot how fun a midshift can be.

That Customer

I listened to a hilarious transaction between my co-worker and a disgruntled customer. She yelled at me first, asking about Prilosec or Prevacid, and asked me to call someone over there so we could unlock it for her. When she came to the register, there was a miscommunication about her coupons and the amount of raisins she was purchasing. I heard him say "One coupon per item." And then he turned to me so I could verify that with a head nod. She was yelling about how she wanted to use her two Prevacid coupons, but maybe she could just get another box so she could use both her coupons. She sent my co-worker to get her another box. He came back with the wrong item and she just about had a heart attack. When the transaction was complete, she came back and told him he charged her for too many raisins. He politely disagreed and sent her to another counter to get a refund. Which wasn't necessary because he didn't actually charge her for too many raisins. Every time she got loud and fussy he responded quietly with a "yeah", "is that so?" or an "I don't think so." His responses to her were calm and serene and very funny under the circumstances. When she finally left I told him he cracked me up with his customer service skills and he admitted that he wanted to strangle her or tell her to calm the fuck down because whatever she thought was a big deal, wasn't. His approach to the work we do makes me laugh. Although maybe this is one of those "you had to be there" stories.

Peanuts

I would like to apologize to the Russian women I yelled at today about the cost of peanuts. I do not know why I yelled at you like that, and I'm sorry. I could have price-modified your peanuts without so much fussing. Thank you for saying thank you at the end of the transaction.

My Battery Died

I would like to thank my three co-workers who were real helpful and concerned about my car fiasco today. Thank you to Co-Worker #1 for trying to help jump my car and for moving cars around our lot. And for offering to do it much earlier in the day and for letting me put garbage bags in my windows. Thanks to Co-Worker #2 for lending us your keys so we could move your car even though you looked very nervous about doing so. Thanks to Co-Worker #3 for using up some of your lunchtime to stand around with me, looking concerned and offering comments.

While on my lunch break my battery died. My stereo stopped working, and I couldn't roll my window up. I came in from lunch, clocked in, and asked one of my co-workers if he would jump my car. He was all set to do it right then. I told him we might as well wait until I clocked out because I can't go anywhere right now anyway. When I told him my window was down, he let me run outside with some garbage bags so my interior didn't get totally soaked. (It has been raining all day.) Finally, my workday had officially ended, and I clocked out. We went out to my car and realized we would have to move someone else's car. So we went back inside and I talked to the new guy at the register and asked him to either move his car, or give us the keys. He tried to get Co-Worker #3 to cover for him but #3 was already on his lunch. So #1 and #3 and I go outside and rearrange cars. #3 and I stand around for a minute before I tell him I appreciate his willingness to help, but he should be eating his lunch. So he goes inside. #1 and I stand around my car and I get my jumper cables. I brush past my garbage bag windows and try to open my hood. But the release isn't working. I get him to try it and he can't do it either. I'm feeling pretty stupid and he is looking real stressed out and says I might be popped. Then he asks if I had called my boyfriend yet. I told him no, because he is still at work. I get him to try again and we still can't get it. So I let him know I really appreciate his help, and I guess I'll walk home. I go inside to tell my manager not to tow my car. She says I need to get it by midnight because the towing company does overnight towing. She realized that at her old store when she told some woman they wouldn't tow her car and the store had to give this woman tow money.
Anyway, I walked home and my boyfriend picked me up a few hours later to go back to my car. Which he jumped successfully.

Those Are Unwrapped Candies In Your Make-Up Bag

Someone came to my counter looking for cigarettes. No problem. What was a problem was that this individual (whom I thought was a male, but my co-worker thought was a female) had blood on his sweater. He also seemed to be using the pink and black polka-dotted make-up bag as a wallet. And from this "wallet" popped out an unwrapped, but obviously sucked-on butterscotch hard candy and a starlight mint. These sticky things were sitting on my counter while he was digging though the bag looking for a card. The card was found, and then unstuck from this gentleman's fingertips. I got him his Parliament smokes which he ripped the cellophane off of, then the foil, then the top of the box. All of these items he handed to me to throw away, and all of them I had to pull off his sticky fingers. He put the smokes, his card, and the two pieces of hard candy back into his bag/wallet. I have to admit, I was happy he took the candy with him and did not ask me to throw it away, but I am concerned about the overall contents and cleanliness of that little polka-dot of mayhem.

Popped Blood Vessels

I have a popped blood vessel in my eye, as confirmed by one of my regulars who may or may not be a nurse, as well as the pharmacist in my store. It looks pretty gnarly and when I point it out to people, I get a little gasp.
So I went on lunch and had the "new" girl cover for me. Apparently while I was out, black guy in a bomber hat and a big green coat tried to short-change her. He probably would have succeeded had my managers not been standing there. I get back from lunch and go up to the register to take care of the line and he pops up. He looks stoned out of his mind  so I say "What can I get for ya man?" He just looks at me, and kind of nods.
"Whatchu need? What can I get for you?"
"Oh. Your name and phone number. Your eyes are beautiful." I point out the popped blood vessel and say
"Its' terrible. Gross, really. I don't even know how it happened." He asks for my info again, so I say
"Can't do it man. Anything else?" He wanders away.
Later, I am milling around chit-chatting with my boss and my co-worker. My boss asks if I know that guy.
"Who?"
"The one in the jacket who was trying to shortchange the girl up front. Is he a friend of yours?"
Uh, no. He did say I have beautiful eyes and he wanted my number."
"Oh, right. He liked your eyes even though they look like they're going to start bleeding all over the place and you can hardly see?"
"Whoa, man! Where is this hostility coming from? First of all, I get compliments on my eyes ALL the time. And second of all, I can see and my eyes are not about to bleed and pop out. So chill out!" I call over to another co-worker to confirm I get eye compliments all the time. He did a poor job of confirming, but it was confirmed.
When I actually get back to work, my boss approaches me in the aisle and tells me I should say really weird stuff to people who hit on me. Like to the guy who asked me out to coffee, but it was ok because his wife knew about it, apparently I should have said "Yeah, but what will my wife think? She doesn't know about it."
I told my boss that he was being a little weird himself right now, and that I prefer the direct approach when people COMPLIMENT MY EYES or ask for my number. I prefer to say things like "Take a step back man, I ain't interested." or "Yes I do have a boyfriend, and I am happy with him and I don't need to 'get to know you better'."
Once I even told a guy (who was pretty much stalking me at that point) to stop creeping me out, talking to me, trying to get me to get him a job and to GET THE HELL OUT OF MY AISLE before something bad happens. At that point though, I got out of my own aisle and told my then-manager to go over there and kick him out of the store before I had a chance to call the cops or my boyfriend, or to take matters into my own hands which would have resulted in screaming and possible physical violence. I get a little out of control sometimes, but I can usually hold my own when it comes to inappropriate customers. Or bosses. Or co-workers.

Swisher Sweets

The Swisher vendor came in today and we chatted a little. I told him I almost exclusively sell the Swisher singles. He said that couldn't be true because a lot of them are stale. So then I told him the White Owl White Grapes are my biggest seller. He told me those are killing his sales and Swisher made a multi-pack like that but it isn't at enough stores yet.

Hats

Today I helped an elderly woman with a self-assessed big head find a hat. I also helped her unbuckle it.

Change

Let me explain something to you. I do not work in a bank. My priorities do not include making sure each person gets change. I will not give change for $50s or $100s. I cannot open the drawer in the middle of a transaction to make you change. It is helpful and sweet of you to ask for change when the drawer is already open. It is not my fault you have no quarters to do laundry and now you are in a rush because you plan things badly. I probably do not have a roll of quarters in my drawer, so you will have to wait for my manager or be ok with a huge handful of quarters. If you need change, do not stand extra-close to me or my register. It makes me nervous, and I probably do not like you anyway. If you ask for cash back from your debit card and you need particular denominations, ask me before I close the damn drawer. If I have a line or if there is an actual customer in the vicinity, I will ring them up before giving you change. Why? Because I do not work in a bank and my priorities do not include making sure you have change.

Some hot girl and her hot boyfriend came up and had a checkbook. It was pink, so I assumed it was hers. When she asked for a pen, I told her I would need and ID with that. She asked her boyfriend to write it out and he wrote "seventeen twenty seven" on the "pay to the order of" line. Then she asked if she was doing it right. I was about to tell her, but one of my irritating regulars popped up and started laughing at them in a way that was making ME mad. I told her she had to void the check and the woman behind her asked when she got the checking account. Turns out the girl just turned 18 (which I would have known if I had checked her ID closely) and just got a new checking account. She acknowledged they taught check-writing in high school, but evidently she and her boyfriend were getting to know each other during that lesson. They seemed more embarrassed and stressed out because of her comments and laughter than they would have been if it was just me helping them out.

Happy Halloween!!

I got to work at 6:55am and clocked out at 4:28pm. We were super-busy. I called for a second and even third cashier from 11:30am and on till I got off. I didn't even get a chance to put the ciggs up. Corporate came in and made me nervous.
We give out candy on Halloween, especially to people in costume. These two girls who were probably around 14 were buying a bunch of Halloween make-up. One girl had an orange sweatshirt with a Jack-o-Lantern face. She had a big green bow/stem in her hair. They were cute and not at all bitchy, so I offered them candy.
"Trick or treat?" I said, and passed the pumpkin bucket. The pumpkin girl's face just lit up!
"For me? Really?"
"Yeah, Happy Halloween. You want a few pieces too?" I asked her friend.
"And did you want those glosses you have in your hand?" She did want both of those things, it turned out.
I didn't wear a costume, but I have a Halloween t-shirt and I wore extra-heavy eye make-up today. (Cat-eye eyeliner and gray/black shadow with black mascara). Some woman commented on my "Halloween make-up" and pointed to my cat-eyes. I told her that I usually wear it like that, and she tried to back-track a little. "Oh, well, it looks great." "Well, I did put more than usual on because of the holiday."
A couple came in a bought four bags of candy. I recognized her, and she is usually very nice. A few hours later she says she had forgotten her bag of candy. I told her I didn't have it at my register, yes I do remember her, I thought she grabbed her bag (otherwise I would have said something). She wanted me to comp her the candy. I told her I had to ask my manager. She talked to him briefly, I said I was pretty sure she had taken it away from the register. She was so sad and upset about it and I offered to ask my manager if we could look at the security camera. But she said no. Then she started tearing up and it made me really sad, but why wouldn't you want to look at the video to see where your damn candy went? (I know why.)
Anyway, it was kind of fun working today. People were more playful that usual.

Grandma in a Yellow Sweater

This little old lady in a giant bright (daisy) yellow sweater was looking at the L'oreal makeup. For a while. I caught her eye while I was at the Cosmetics counter and she called me over. From the side she looked kind of like my grammy, so I was happy to help her. Her "special gentleman friend" was telling her about our in-store coupon tag, so I got them the booklet. She had already moved on to bigger and better ideas, and told her man to stay in the lipstick section, holding onto her lipstick that she accidentally already put back. She wanted to go look for a product she didn't want him to know she used. Which was a nose-hair trimmer. I directed her over there, and her man was already in that aisle because apparently she didn't understand what she meant when she told him to stay put. She finally told him in a friendly, firm way that she needed to find something on her own. He eventually toddled off to the register. She was so friendly, and funny that it was a pleasure to assist her. I wish all old people were like that.

Difficult

Today was an "I'm gonna to strangle someone" sort of day. One of my co-workers noted I was slightly more hostile than normal.

Hallmark

Today I got to be in the Hallmark aisle. From after lunch until the end of my shift. It was a welcome change, and it turns out I'm getting the hang of it. I really like cards, and certainly took advantage of my being in that aisle by reading many of them. There are some super-cute "just because" cards. I still purchase most of my cards at yard, garage and rummage sales though.

Old

Two of my regulars came in today and asked how old I was. 

"26."

"Are you serious? You're almost thirty. You're gettin' old. I didn't think you were that old."

Uhhh, I'm not sure why I take offense to that, but I kind of do. When I was 18, I assumed most twenty-six-year-olds had their life together and were adults, but I also regarded them as young enough to hang out with us. I think my baby-face throws people off. And I still dress pretty young. But still their comments were not very well-taken. And they were kind of alarming. 

PMs

For those of you who don't know, PM stands for Promotional Money (or maybe Monies) and we get it by selling the stuff at the register. So whenever I ask you if you want Reece's, M&Ms, or Hershey's the answer is always "yes." I get money put into my PM account, which then transfers over to my actual check. When people comment on my incessant asking, I always say that it is my legal hustling.

I was employed for about six months before anyone said anything about the PMs. So in order to get good job karma points, I told the new girl about printing her register report, about PMs and suggestive sales. And I told her that it changes monthly. She thanked me for letting her know all this. And I saved her from a Crazy Coupon Lady. So that adds on a few more karma points.

Cosmetics

I finally got off the register today. My boss came over to ask if I wanted her (the new girl) to stay at the register, or if I wanted her to go to cosmetics to put up totes. I said that because I only got three hours of sleep, I might do better working on the totes.

On my last 15, I look for my sunglasses that are somewhere around the store. I check in the office and at all the registers, but I can't find them. After I clock out, one of my co-workers mention they might have gotten put out by the baler by another co-worker. And they were! "You're a G." I told him.

Zombies!

One of my regulars came in today. She had a itty-bitty purple bruise just under her eye, near the middle of her face. And surrounding the itty-bitty bruise was a big ol' yellow bruise. In fact, almost half her face was a yellow bruise. I bet she was punched in the face. But that is because I often think worst-case scenario.

Sometimes when I look up from my register I see people with their carts approaching from several different aisles. They all seem to be merging towards me and it makes me think of the zombies. You know, the ones from that movie where people get trapped at the mall and besides being a cool horror movie it is also a commentary on the consumerism in America. I always call for backup when I see the zombies approaching.

New Management

I forgot an important password today. I forgot how to log into my employee account.

There is a posting in the office about a management position opening. I think I will apply, even though I'm pretty sure I'll be turned down. That is, if I can remember my damn password.

Lollipops

A tall, kind of goofy looking gentleman comes in pretty frequently. He wears hip rubber bracelets and a fanny pack. I believe he is mentally unwell. While on my break one day, a car is waiting to turn right out of our parking lot. The car is in the way of the sidewalk and this guys kicks the car and starts screaming
"Get out of my way! Get the fuck out of my way!"
Another time one of my regulars was in front of him buying cigarettes and he kept saying
"I don't smoke. So I have money for milk."
Obviously, he was purchasing milk. I noticed he buys a lot of lollipops. Only a certain brand. We chat about them sometimes. Today he said he was saving the one he was buying today for Friday. He only eats the lollipops on Friday or Saturday night. He didn't need to buy one for this Saturday because he was going out. I said
"Isn't it a little early to be buying your lollipop for Friday?"
He said no, because he has a special spot he puts them that he only looks at on Friday and Saturday night. Sometimes he purchases them for a few weekends at a time. As he was leaving, I noticed one of the head pharmacists give him a crazy look. I said
"What's that look for, man? You don't like him?"
He proceeded to tell me that this gentleman couldn't get his prescription filled and he freaked out! He threw himself on the floor, screaming and looking like he might be having a seizure. He was really upset and was swearing, yelling and screaming. I am surprised I missed it. I usually have a sixth sense about stuff that like going on in my store. So because of that freak-out, pharmacy does not like that man. I do, because I appreciate his Lollipop schedule.

New Management

I felt a little out of it and just a tad stupid for the part of my workday.
The good news is that one of my old managers filled in today. It was nice to work with him again.

I "got paid" to buy a protein/energy bar. The product was $1.60 and I had a 55 cent coupon. My discount rang up the product as $1.39. I got a $1.60 coupon for my next in-store purchase. I bought two. Separately, of course.

The Bus Is Here!

There is a bus of elderly people who arrive about once a month or maybe once every two weeks. Every time they come in, they put a strain on our crew. They are short-tempered, confused, hard to please, and hard of hearing. They often come in with cosmetics products that weren't made in decades or ones we don't carry. There is usually one or two attendants for about six of the elders. I try to be nice and courteous to them, but it can be very difficult.
One of the elders came up to my register with a Covergirl foundation and a blush. The deal we have this week is buy one get one at 50% off. She didn't realize the foundation was about twice as much as the blush and wanted to know why it was so expensive. Then she said she didn't want the foundation. So I rung her up for just the blush. She went to go sit at a then unused register and discovered the foundation wasn't in her bag. She starts yelling to me, asking where it was. I am in the middle of ringing up a loud Russian woman, who was only sort-of polite, so I told the elder to wait until I finished so I could help her. She told me she did want the foundation, so I rung it up for her, and I realized my line has quadrupled. I handed it back, she told me to open it for her. A few minutes later she is yelling to me again saying I didn't give her her change. Which of course I did, because she found it in her coat pocket a few minutes later.
Another elder in a wheelchair yelled to me from the front door, asking who was here. I asked her who she needed to speak to, and she told me to start naming names and she would choose somebody. I started listing a few of us off, but then had to tell her her first choice had temporarily left the country. She asked for another woman on staff. When I called my co-worker to the front:
"What, Kim? What?!"
"That woman needs help."
"In cosmetics?"
"Probably. She asked for a woman."
"I'm not in cosmetics!"
"What do you want me to do? She asked for a woman, I can't help her from behind this register, and the rest of the staff are men. What do you want me to do?"
She and I didn't speak for the rest of the day.

The First Day of Fall

Today is the first day of Fall and we were expecting a visit from corporate. So last night I baked cupcakes with chocolate frosting and leaf sprinkles and brought them to work. More than I expected were consumed, which is good because it means people listened to me when I told them to have a cupcake.

Julia

A curly-haired woman came in today. She was buying Perrier Sparkling water. She told me she "didn't need a bag or anything" and she had a very peculiar voice. Nasal and harsh and just a tad familiar. I looked her over while she was punching in her pin number and saw a name tag. She was the older sister of a friend of mine in elementary school. She was the cool and slightly inappropriate sister whom we all tried to hang out with or avoid at all costs, depending on her mood. I don't think she recognized me. It is kind of creepy the way people's paths cross and then criss-cross.

Employee Discount

If you have an employee discount card, most likely you are an employee. Or you know an employee. So you understand the hardships we face when ringing customers up. If you have an employee discount, you should start the transaction by getting off the damn phone. You should also let me know you have a discount by telling me before I grab your merchandise and start ringing. When I have to move to a different register because you failed to notify me about your discount prior to me scanning an item, you should thank me instead of continuing to talk on the fucking phone. You could also acknowledge me by exchanging pleasantries, such as "Thank you",  "Have a nice day", or, "Have a good one". Also, I don't mind if you look at me during this transaction. Perhaps a head nod, or some eye contact. Really, anything that lets me know that you are aware of the services being provided. Dang, I love those fucking employee discounts.

I Try To Be Friendly

Some old guy wanted to kiss me today...he was just "teasing" but he asked if he could. Probably because I have a lipring. I am really glad I don't work in sales where I have to wow the customers and laugh at their stupid and mean jokes. I do have to maintain a sense of customer satisfaction and sometimes that kills me. People seem to think they can say anything to me; be it sexual, racist or condescending in nature.

I bought Ben & Jerry's ice cream today (for $2.99 each) and I have a $2-off-two coupon. I bought them on my lunch break (which took longer than expected because a co-worker forgot my employee discount and had to get it voided, then got distracted by an argument about what Kim Kardashian is really famous for). I clocked in, then put them in the walk-in freezer (not the one in the break room). When I clocked out and went to go get it, I was startled by the wall of milk. It was four or five rows deep, stretching across the width of the fridge. Each stack was a milk crate taller than I am. I tried to squeeze through but my chest wouldn't fit and I was afraid of getting stuck. I went to go ask my manager if they were arranged in a particular way already, she said no, and I commenced moving them. Towards the end a male co-worker came in to help. Finally. I was able to get enough of them moved so I could squeeze through and open the freezer door just a smidge. That's what I get for not using the nasty break room facilities. It was like a really cold game of Tetrus.

My Son...He Died

As soon as I walked in the door this morning my boss greets me by telling me to help the woman in camera. Anyone who comes in that early needing special attention is usually difficult. I told her to wait while I clocked in (at 8am on the dot!).
She shows me a picture of a young man and woman standing in front of a sweet ride. They are dressed up and she is wearing a corsage and I assume it is a prom-type picture. She proceeds to tell me in broken English she wants a 4x6 of the image (it was a little bigger than wallet-size) and she wants the woman cropped out. I told her I would see what I could do. I head over to the scanner and realize it is broken (surprise, surprise) and as I'm going to the other one she tells me the man in the picture is her son. As I was about to tell her how handsome he is, she says he died. She starts tearing up. While I am trying to crop the woman in the photo out as best I can, I realize this woman has now started to cry. Although her English is broken, I am able to understand that her son has died about a year ago, on the 17th. She has other images she wants to enlarge and her husband had told her not to bother coming in because he says no one would understand her because her English is so bad. I finally get the image up, and I am starting to crop, and she realizes that it would be impossible to cut the woman in the photo out without cutting off some of her son's leg off because they are standing so close together. She tells me that she does not know what has happened to the woman, she has her own future.
As she is realizing that perhaps our scanners cannot work photographic materials, she says she does not want me to try any further. I give her the geographic location of a nearby camera shop. She asks how much she owes for the services I have rendered. I told her nothing because I really didn't do anything. She thanks me and goes shopping.
About twenty minutes later she comes to my register with six pencil eyeliners (she does the cat-eye like me!), eight pairs of knee-highs and a Giant Hershey Almond Chocolate Bar. I ring her up for everything and she gives me the chocolate bar. She says "Its for you. For being so nice and sweet!" I thank her repeatedly, because I love my chocolate. As she is leaving she tells me not to drive to fast. I am assuming her son died in a car accident.

The New Kid

I was put in charge of training the new kid on the register, this afternoon. I'm pretty sure I did a terrible job. I forgot to tell him a lot of important things. But he doesn't spaz out like I do, so I'm sure he'll be fine.

$24

Early this morning, (like, before school), this girl came in and studied our gum section. She was pretty small, and maybe in 5th or 6th grade. She bought a Covergirl lipstain and gum. And she spent $24. When she saw her total, I expected that she would ask me to void a few items, but she just dug deeper in her coin purse. And she paid exact change, which I like. But $24?! My parents would not have let me walk around with that much money, let alone spend most of it on gum.

These two sisters came in and asked for a price check on various items in their cart. Which then they didn't want. The more talkative sister asked for the $2.99 item in the coffee section.
"It was $2.99 but nothing was there. But we would like to know what it was."
I checked for them, and they seemed unclear on what I had said, so they looked around and pretended I didn't say anything. Then she asks me for a delicious mint.
"They are small and fruity and minty. And they are delicious. What are they called?"
"I have no idea. Icebreakers, Altoids, Mentos? I don't know."
"They are in that family." Then she went to look at the mints. Tic-Tacs was what she was talking about. I also sold her a few packages of mints on clearance. She bought them out an asked for more. Very unclear on the concept of clearance. She calls a few hours later to ask if we have her mints. She can't find them anywhere and she wants to know what we did with them. I told her I didn't have them, and I know she walked out of the store with them.

It Was Unbearably Slow

I'm not sure why, but it was unbearably slow today. I saw a kid I went to high school and church with. Two guys came in pretty early today; they bought a Sharpie and a caramel, separately. About fifteen minutes after they left, my co-workers found a dimebag hidden around the chips.

Holistic Healer

Some guy came in and asked if I knew where Dempster and Bronx was. Then he said he is involved in a holistic new age process that takes a person's name, birthdate and time of birth, scrambles it and then tells said person what kind of job or field they should go into. He told my co-worker she will be famous someday. He told me I should go into a helping profession, like therapy. The whole conversation was kind of creepy, funny and a little chilling.

Gift Cards

If you purchase a gift card using a credit card, I need to see your ID. I won't let you buy a gift card with a gift card. If I ID you for cigarettes and you don't have it, then you don't have any smokes either. The minimum amount you can put on a GreenDot card is $20. If you look way under 18, I am not selling you that lighter, cough syrup or decongestant. I need to see your ID with that check. That is just the way things go.

This girl and her friend came in and asked where the gift cards were. They are right across from my register so I pointed over there and said "Right there." They got a DSW gift card and went to pick out a birthday card (yes I was ear hustling). When they got to my register my phone rang so I was trying to have two conversations at once. I told the girl if she was paying with a credit card I needed to see her I.D. She gave me a look, then held up her cards with her fingers over them. I told the guy on the phone to hang on for a minute, then as I was about to tell her I needed to see the full cards, she gave another look and said (in a super-bitchy tone) "You know what? I don't want it." I felt like she thought she was hurting my feelings when she said that because as she was walking away she starts telling her friend she has never been ID-d for a gift card, what the hell is that, blah, blah, blah. Obviously I just dodged a bullet right there, and I don't give a fuck if her friend doesn't get DSW shoes for her birthday. I'm just trying to do my damn job.

Labor Day

Yes, I had to work on Labor Day.

It was pretty busy because we had those two-day only sales. I did wear my new flu t-shirt and somehow got a few compliments on it, although I felt a little foolish.

The new kid was there and he was able to answer calls and put up stock pretty well.

My stalker called four or five times. I'm assuming he was not working.

I tried to log in to my account so I could request a few more days off, but it seems I have forgotten my newly-changed password. Again.

This is going to be a long week.

This Is Our New Uniform?

Apparently we have new shirts we have to wear. I heard from a co-worker one of the district head honchos wants us to wear these t-shirts with a flu bug on the front. They are red. Red t-shirts do not look that great with khakis, in my professional opinion. I asked my manager and the assistant manager if I could still wear the navy blue button-ups I have. (Which do look pretty good with khakis.) They said it was ok. Before I clocked out I told them that on Monday  would be wearing the flu bug shirt as my work shirt. I asked several times if this was ok (they already think I might be a little slow due to my inability to remember my passwords). I told them that I don't want to come to work on Monday feeling like a fool in red. The store manager told me that as long as I wash them, everything will be o.k. I hope that wasn't a comment indicating that I should wash my other shirts more often. I really hope I'm not the smelly and sweaty girl.

When there is a lax dress code, people seem to go crazy. I, of course, am one of them. I seem to focus on the colors of my outfits more then anything else. This leads to me wearing sweats and over-sized pants, skimpy tops, and dirty sneakers. My thought is that we do actually get dirty at work. I have gotten milk, body wash, laundry detergent, dish detergent, industrial cleaning fluid, coffee, lotion and body spray spilled on me. I have sat in dirt and grime, while sweating. I do not work in an office so I feel that I should be able to wear outfits that allow me a little give.

The t-shirt thing throws me off too, because now I can wear collared shirts to work. Before I wouldn't because my navy shirts are collared and I don't think a double collar looks that great.

My other issue with these new shirts is that we have just been through a uniform change. Previously, we had button-ups or polos with our company logo on the back. Then they said that we could wear any blue shirt to work. That turned out to be a horrible plan because people were wearing blue tank tops and club shirts. For the record, I was not one of those people. Then we had a posting in the office that said by August 31st we ALL had to get dark blue polos or button-ups. Or t-shirts I guess. AND we had to wear a new name tag. They had these cute silver ones and then switched them to these tacky coach-like hanging ones. So I got my shirts and made sure not to lose my name tag and now they are changing it to the flu shirts. Although I'm sure the flu shirts will be out as soon as the flu season is over. Now choosing my outfit before work will take twice as long.

Cigarettes

Oh my lord, today was stressful. I stayed 45 minutes after my shift to finish the cigarette count. But I get to go home 45 minutes early on Monday, probably. Although no one ever wants to cover for me like that. Ridiculous.

One of the crazy coupon ladies came in today. But she was courteous and well-organized.

I felt like we were absurdly busy today.

This woman called to ask about an engagement gift she had received. "P.S. I love you". She wanted to know if we carried it. Which we do not, because it is a Bath and Body Works line. She said that the nearest one is closed, and am I sure that we don't have it.
"Yes I am sure because that is a store brand. They do not carry our products so we do not carry theirs."
"Oh thats' too bad, because it really is lovely. And you don't carry it? Its' called P.S I Love You."
"Yes ma'am I am sure."
"But they gave me your number."
"Who?"
"The store that closed. They gave me your number to check if you carried it."
"Another store that is possibly closed gave you our number to see if we had their brand? Are you sure?"
"Yes. But they closed. And you don't have it? It is such a lovely scent."
If I wasn't so paranoid about corporate checking up on me, I would have screamed at her. It goes on:
" Yes ma'am I am VERY sure."
"Oh, how sad. Ok, but do you have a tinted moisturizer? It is so lovely. The other ones are not tinted so they are not lovely. This one looks great."
"Neutrogena?"
"Yes! So you have it?"
"No, I was just clarifying. It has a sunscreen in it and its' a tinted moisturizer?"
"Yes! Oh, it looks so lovely on my skin, which has an olive complexion. I mean, I am not a dark olive. Just a slightly tinted one. And this moisturizer looks fantastic on me. The other ones do not. Because they are not tinted."
"I understand. Well, we did have that moisturizer, but we do not anymore. I bought mine off the clearance shelf, although I am not an olive. So, we do not carry that kind any longer. Perhaps I can transfer you to a manager who can try to locate it at another store?"
"Oh yes, that would be fantastic! It is such a lovely tint."
"Ok. Uh, hang on."
Shortly after transferring I see my manager look for the moisturizer in the aisle. I yell to him that we don't have it, I need for him to check another store. He looks stressed and confused (he is in the cosmetics department, after all). He picks up the phone and tells her to call another branch. Then he looks to me and asks if we have a perfume called P.S I Love You. This is how I lose my mind every shift.
Actually, she had called twice. This was the second conversation because I had to get management involved.

Store Coupons and Manufacturer Coupons

Ok, so in the Sunday paper there were coupons for products in my store. These coupons are only valid at my retail chain. I thought we could treat them like regular manufacturer coupons and stack them with our in-store book coupons. Apparently that is not the case. They have our circular coupon coding so they are like the weekly coupons in our ad paper. So I can use them in conjunction with actual manufacturer coupons. But when I went to scan our coupon from the Sunday paper in conjunction with the coupon from our in-store booklet, the register told me the coupon had been already scanned. So apparently they have elements of a manufacturers coupon, (being found in a Sunday paper), our circular coupon (they have the same codes), and our in-store booklet coupons (the register knows them as the same). The lesson here is that coupons are confusing but important and that I should not tell people they can stack their coupons until I try to scan them.

Also, there is a new kid on board whom I have seen walking in the store while I was walking out. There might be another new person too, but this has not been verified. That is all I know.

Coupons!

Obviously yesterday was Sunday, wherein we get the Sunday paper with all the coupons! I myself bought one today even though my mother is saving hers for me. I was very surprised our paper vendor didn't come by and that no one asked me to give them the innards to the Trib.

Apparently, not only do I have to ring people up, I have to clean up the spilled milk no one else can see, wipe up the dirt, run stuff out to the baler and fill the cigarettes. I feel that these activities provide some practice for motherhood. Perhaps.  Sadly, I did not fill all the cigarettes because we were pretty busy (nothin' I can't handle!). But I just had a long convo with my boss about how I am not lazy, I usually pay attention, and I didn't need another co-worker helping me back there with his incessant chattering. So now tomorrow I will have to finish those and clean up back there. Dang.

Snickers

Many people were rude and difficult, as was I. I plan on apologizing to one woman in particular. Many people were funny and cute...also as was I. It was a usual day.

I have to ask everyone if they want Snickers, 3/$2 and I asked an elderly gentleman in suspenders. He said "I'm too old to snick. I gave up snicking when I stopped riding a tricycle." He said it with a totally straight face, which was difficult to see because he was so hunched over. His comment made me happy. It was much wittier and more funny than what most people say.

Did You Need A Raincheck?

I am feeling really bad about being kind of rude to this woman. But she was very aggravating. Our new policy is that you have to take the take the amount listed on your raincheck. If you choose to go under that amount, you still have to surrender the raincheck. I told her as much, and she started to get fussy so I called a manager. The manager said that she could take her one milk (instead of the three she was supposed to). So I crossed off the three on her raincheck, wrote in two and initialed it. She said she wanted a new raincheck. I said no, thats' how we do it. So she is standing around, fussing, and finally I rewrite her raincheck exactly as it was written, which wasn't the proper way anyway. During her transaction she knew there was a coupon in our circular and she kept saying the after-coupon price until I found the damn coupon. Which took a minute because I was moving very slowly. While she fussing and waiting for me to rewrite her raincheck, another woman came up and wanted change for a hundred. I had to call the manager for that too. Then the second lady mentions she hardly ever carries cash with her because she got mugged at the Jewel up the street. The fussy raincheck lady started trying to get the details from her while I am trying to get her to "sign here an then press ok". It took a while to complete these transactions. Also, I was enjoying an Amp Energy drink at the time, which made everything that much more intense.

Hey Sexy

Before my first break I had two gentlemen ask me what I was doing after work. And my phone stalker called me three times total today.

The first guy was from At&t and I only know that because he had his workshirt on. He wanted to know what time I got off work and what I was doing tonight. I told him I had to do laundry and he asked if he could help me. Uh, no.
The second guy was one of my regulars and he asked what time I got off work. Without thinking, I said 4:30. He asked if I wanted to go out for coffee. "But don't worry, my wife knows." What the hell is this?! I think he might want to minister to me.

A girl from my high school came in. She recently moved back in with her parents. I remembered her from band. I said that, then: "Well, this is sufficiently awkward." She laughed, then gave me a handout about the prodigal son finding Christ.

It Was Busy

We are getting new register wires. The guys installing those left the lights on in their truck and needed a jump, which I happily provided. Although I looked a tad stupid as I popped my trunk instead of my hood. There were two other guys doing God knows what involving a lot of extension cords.

The Pall Mall/Camel guy came in a said we didn't follow our planogram for the cigarettes. I told him we did the reset, then we tweaked it, then the Marlboro girl came in and shifted everything around without changing mylars and such. I also told him we seem to have poor communication skills.

When I Die

One of my first customers comes in and says there is a kid outside who told him how to buy his blunts. He leans on my counter and thinks for a minute, then asks "Which ones do you like?" I said the White Owl white grape is our best seller, but the strawberry and grape are nice too. He wants to try the Phillies 3 pack. When I ring him up, he asks if I want one. I told him I was good, but thanks. He laughs, and says "Ok baby, just let me know." He stands in our lobby and talks to someone on the phone, then yells over to me "Hey mama! Is it ok if I stand in here and wait for my ride?" I say "Sure, man. You scared of that kid out there?" He comes back over to my register and says "I ain't scared of him, but I'm scared of my wife! I ain't been home yet, and she drives right past here to get to work. I'm scared of the violence!" I say "Shit, if my man didn't come home all night, I'd be violent too! But yeah, you can stand there."

A regular of mine wheels her cart up and says "There is my favorite employee! I tell you that every time, don't I?"
"Yes ma'am, but I don't get tired of hearing it"
"You're always SO nice to me. You are so nice to old ladies."
"Well ma'am, you are my favorite demographic. And I love my grandma; I hate to think about her getting yelled at by some psycho-clerk, so I try not to do that to people."
"You are just so sweet. My, did I reach $30 already? I guess so."
I complimented her on her purse, and she said when she dies, I can have it. Kind of a freaky thing to say, but I appreciated it.

During an employee transaction, my co-worker pulls her change out of her shoe. I step back and start hollering about how when I did that she yelled at me, how gross it is, etc. etc. She knew I wasn't serious, so she was laughing A LOT. Then she told me not to be so damn loud.

A super-elderly and small couple handed me a coupon that they had accidentally cut the expiration date of off. Being an avid couponer myself, I recognized it from this Sunday's paper. I still had to call for a manager to make sure I could take it. This woman behind them said "Just take it! You guys always act like you're giving away a million bucks! (insert local grocery store here) takes them!" Someone behind her says "Is anyone else going to open up?" I say "Its our store policy to not take coupons without expiration dates on them, so I have to check with my manager. I'm just looking out for me here." I would have elaborated but I really wanted to snap on her, so I did not. And to the people behind her I said "Yes, of course I called for someone else, but they are not here yet." I hate when people are so rude and difficult. It makes my temper flare, and I have a hard time controlling that. I do the best I can. And yes, we did take that coupon.

Speaking of coupons, I got a great deal on pads! We have them on sale buy one get one free, and I had the same type of coupon. All I had to do was pay the tax! I got two hand soaps (Dial), a face wash (Neutrogena Naturals), and two packages of pads (Stayfree), all for under $7. Yes I am proud of myself.

In The Ghetto

It has been a while since I updated the world (i.e. my two members) on the goings-on at work...and for that, I apologize.
While I was gossiping with my manager about a co-worker, I said "shut the fuck up". It was part of the story, and I speak like that often, so my manager didn't mind. While I was talking, three dudes walked in and mean-mugged me, then walked out, still mean-muggin'. After I said "shut the fuck up" as part of my story, one guy looked a me all sorts of crazy. A few seconds later his friend comes in and said
"What did you just say to me?"
"What?"
"Did you just tell me to shut the fuck up? Were you talking to me?"
"Heelllll no, man! If I was talkin' to you, you would know because I would look right at you! ok?"
"Yeah. Ok."
He walks out. I go on my break and sit in my car and smoke. I see the three out my review mirror. They look like they are part of a pick-up or drop-off coalition. They run up to several different vehicles. I have a faint fear they are waiting for me. Before I went back in, I see an officer speaking with them. I go back inside and ask my boss if he called the cops. If so, why? He says
"No, not this time. Why? They're out there? Thats cool, huh?"
Incidentally, I don't think its cool. An officer approaches my register so I ask him if that was him talking to those guys out there. It was, and then he asks me if I thought it was dumb that he was. Like he was second-guessing himself and needed my advice and/or reassurance. Very weird. I gave him a replay of their activities at my store, and mentioned it looked like they were picking up or dropping off. He said a customer of ours called the cops. According to many of the folks who shop and work at my store, the neighborhood is getting ghetto. I tell them they ain't seen nothin' yet.

Sir, Grow Up.

Today we were ridiculously busy and short-staffed. I tried to answer the phone and customer's questions the best I could, but there were still communication issues. Arguments were breaking out amongst our staff, and pharmacy was having trouble keeping up. With everything. It was exhausting. On the upside, I got some pretty good deals.

Ma'am?

I tried to make a point of noticing people today. Just in case I need to remember them later. Anyway, today I noticed two women who made me kind of sad.

The first looked to be in the later stages of anorexia. Her limbs were so thin, and her bone shapes were clearly visible. Her head was almost too large for her body, and her face seems to have a stretched-out look, with severe skin problems. It is entirely possible she has spent much of her life smoking and tanning. Her breasts, however, were shaping up her tank...but her tragically-hard nipples were mis-aligned. They were not even, and I feel that she might have been the victim of a botched plastic surgery. The kid with her appeared to be a normal 13 year old kid.

The other woman was painful to watch as well, but for entirely different reasons. Her clothes were very worn and ill-fitting. Her uncombed hair was pulled into a ponytail. Her face was haggard. She had burn marks on her lips, her teeth seemed to be rotting, or maybe just left unbrushed for months. Her skin was sallow and sickly, with a yellowish tint; it was not clear, but seemed to be riddled with mini-pockmarks. While chasing around a healthy-looking toddler, she managed to purchase two packs of Camel Filters. I am pretty sure she smokes copious amounts of crack.

New Toys Leap Language Barriers

My boss hasn't put out our new schedule yet so I told him I wouldn't come in tomorrow since I didn't see it on the schedule. I think I saw a glimmer of relief in the man's eyes.

A customer came to my register, in a cute red polka dot outfit. She motioned that she needed help in the vicinity of cosmetics so I asked her if she needed something unlocked. She smiled and said no, and then I pointed to myself asking if she needed a woman, and she said yes. Finally I accompany her to aisle 4, our dental needs aisle, and she does need something unlocked. I go and grab the keys (I got one of the boys watching my register) and ask what she needs. She wants a teeth whiting kit, but as usual with our staff, products are in the wrong spot. She points to two mylars and says something in Russian. I try to speak English, as if that helps. She says her English is little good, but then she pulls out something that is a little bigger than a phone and begins typing. She shows me the screen, and on the top is Russian, the bottom is English. She has a translator! Her question was "what is the difference between these goods?" I try to tell her in English (it seems she understands more than she speaks) and she hands me her toy! The keypad had English and Russian letters and when I was done (no slang or shorthand because I wasn't sure how they translated) she pressed the Russian flag and off it went! She read it and we headed to checkout. I had to ask my manager if I could give her two products at a discounted price because we had them in the wrong spot. While I was ringing her up I told my co-worker about her toy and motioned with my hands. I was smiling and very excited. She understood the gest of it and smiled and laughed with me. I was very polite and courteous to her because she stayed calm and cheerful and she recognized that she is the immigrant and English is my native (and sadly, only) tongue. I was hugely impressed with her proactive stance on making herself understood. She understood there might be a language barrier and was prepared for it. I wish more foreigners were like her, instead of the ones who scream and carry on and are very rude. Her translator was especially important today because the only Russian-speaking employee was off. 

Cruelty- Free

I love shopping at my store, but I am realizing I buy a TON of products that are not cruelty-free. It is no longer necessary for companies to test their products on animals, to make those animals suffer unduly for our products. I am going to try to cut back on my purchases, and to buy only products that are cruelty-free or who donate their proceeds to a charity, or do something else for the community. I know that leaves me a big window, but I am pretty sure I have a hefty shopping addiction...I will do my best to consume wisely. (Thats an oxymoron if I ever heard one)

I did some research to figure out what companies I could safely buy with no buyers remorse and I found a long list of products we do not sell at my store. I also realized that many companies are the parents of smaller companies, so it is hard to tell who belongs to what and what kind of damage they may be doing.

I'm trying to live more green and cruelty-free and eco-friendly and whatever else is good for the world but I am finding it hugely overwhelming and stressful. I feel like a bad person if I don't make the radical changes in my lifestyle.

I Caught Me A Shoplifter!

Well, I sort of caught a shoplifter. This guy who comes in all the time has recently been looking very squirrelly lately. He came in and meandered around, looking nervous, and finally bought some frozen pizza. He stood in the crowded candy aisle for a while, holding a Snickers bar while my manager stood at the end of the aisle holding a screwdriver and looking like a psycho. That time the guy didn't take anything. In about twenty minutes he came back in, went back to the candy aisle and picked up a Snickers bar. When he looks around, he sees me at the end of the aisle and he quickly put the candy back. Then my manager arrived ( I told him this guy was back) and the guy really got nervous and left.

I bought a 9oz bag of pretzel M&Ms for 67 cents, using two coupons and a sale. I shared them with a coworker who then dropped the bag and scattered them all over the floor. I TOTALLY freaked out and yelled out "Oh my God! How could you do this to me?!" And I smacked the counter real hard. Apparently I could be heard all the way in the Pharmacy and my manager rushed over to tell me to quiet down. My coworker bought me a new bag and I spent the rest of the day apologizing to him for over-reacting. My only defense was that I was still traumatized by the previous event of the morning:

At approximately 8:06 am this gentleman walks in and starts yelling "Service! Service!" while pacing around my register. I was in the aisles stocking the pool mattresses but I do not take kindly to people yelling like that so I took my sweet time making it back. This guy greets me by yelling "Where are your cheapest lighter?! I need your cheapest lighter!" I get behind the register to tell him:
" Our cheapest one is gonna be a dollar eight, including tax." as I am pointing to the area in which they are in.
"Where?! WHERE ARE THEY?!"
"In that bucket right there." As I point over to the bucket right there.
"Right there?! Right there?! Where the fuck does 'right there' mean?! When you tell someone 'right there' how the fuck are they supposed to know what that means?" Although, during this he is getting a lighter from the bucket and slams it down on the counter. I wished it popped, but no such luck.
This guy is yelling so loud my manager and a coworker come up to the front to make sure I am not about to be the victim of assault.
I say, "I don't know." and shrug.
He throws the two singles at me and does not stop to pick up his 92 cents in change. Before he leaves I memorize the look of his eyes under his absurd and ironically colored rose-colored sunglasses.

Later that morning a woman comes up to me and says that she heard the guy yelling at me, and she wishes he hadn't acted that way. She said that some people have no sense, but I am one of the nicest and most helpful cashiers she sees and she hoped his actions didn't ruin my day or get me down. I told her I very much appreciated her saying that. Everything balances out, I guess.

I Tried To Catch A Shoplifter

This much I vow: I will catch those shoplifters who come in about once a week, sometimes more.

I did pretty good today: These two good-looking guys came in and I will admit I was checking them out only because it relates to the story...they held nothing in their hands. Shortly after my manager told me to do my push-ups with triangle/diamond hands, they came to my register. One of them said that he has a product that he would like to return or exchange but he does not have a receipt. I asked if he wanted to exchange it. He said he wanted to buy some beef jerky.
"With the money from the return? Or would you like to exchange that product for beef jerky?"
"No, I just want to buy beef jerky."
"Ok. Uh....I'm gonna tell you to just go over to camera (counter) and talk to my manager. You and him can deal with the jerky."
I realized then that they did not come in with the product they had in their hands. (And I know that only because I gave them the once-over when they came in.) They had made a beeline for the aisle where that product was located. I called my manager who was thinking about doing a return/jerky for them, and told him what I noticed. The return transaction was not completed. Score one for the home team!

Most of the time I am pretty self-conscious about my looks, and I often look away from people thinking that will prevent them from looking at me. So much of the time, I do not accurately notice those who come into my store. This is not good. A couple of times I have been requested to describe somebody, and I cannot do it. I would be able to tell one what one bought, but not what they look like. Experience tells me I should pay more attention to those around me. I'm on it.

Stayfree and Dove

Sometime this week I will purchase two packages of Stayfree pad for $1.99 each. I have a b1g1 free coupon, plus a $1 off coupon. My grand total will be about 80 cents (factoring my discount).

I will also get two 6 packs of Dove bar soap for men and a bottle of body wash for about $10. And I get a $6 Register Reward. 

She Gave Me A Candy Bar

These things happened yesterday:
 This woman came in talking loudly on her phone. She took a cart and started shopping. When she came to my register, she was still talking loudly on the phone. She purchased the Tide for $10.99 and was alarmed that her total was $12 something. We do charge tax, of course. I asked her four times if she wanted a bag, and I didn't get an answer until the fifth try. She said "Of course, you want me to walk out without one?" Like I was stupid for asking, and it was unheard of for someone to use the handle. Then she told me she wanted $2 on her card, and $10.03 in cash. She was STILL on the phone, loudly. Her voice was so irritating that I walked away until I heard "EXCUSE ME!! EXCUSE ME!!" And I walked s-l-o-w-l-y back to my register. Apparently I was supposed to put $10 on her card and $2 in cash. I would have known that if she wasn't on the phone, and I told her so. She started getting serious attitude, so I offered to call the manager but since she was still on the phone, she didn't hear me and she walked away. Thank fuck.

I was gossiping with our magazine vendor in aisle 7. I was at the edge of the aisle and took a step back to check my register and this elderly woman hit me with her cart! She actually just tapped my shoe, but I doubled over laughing. I think she thought I was hurt, so she stood there, asking if I was o.k. She looked very concerned. I kept telling her I was ok...I thought we were finished. She eventually came back to the register and asked if I was o.k again. I told her she only hit my shoe, and that I was totally fine...then she offered me a CANDY BAR! I tried to tell her I didn't need one, but who am I to turn down a 3 Musketeers bar from an elderly woman? I ate it today.

At The Time, It Did Not Seem Like A Big Deal

The parking lot at my store is a deathtrap. At least three times a week there is an "incident". Today the incident came to us. While on my smoke break I heard the unmistakable crunch of cars hitting each other. Then a car pulled into our lot (after blocking traffic before deciding to turn in) with it's left mirror hanging off. I had to go in before I found out what happened.

There was a lot of yelling done by me today.

I Bought Tampons

 I did call my manager BEFORE I said something to upset someone. This woman was complaining that our store coupon did not take off the proper amount, and that I should have scanned it twice to get the full deal. Which is not how our coupons work. Which I told her, quietly and politely. I also told her that if she had any further questions or concerns, she will have to speak with my manager. I directed her to photo, she continued to stand at my register, I asked her if she wanted a manager and she (not politely) said she did. At which point I directed her to photo again, this time accompanied by a hand gesture to indicate where the photo counter was. Away she went.

The world of customer service is a bright and cheery one.

My entire day was not like this...I also bought myself some tampons. I knew that buy one get one deals allows the consumer to use two coupons, but for some reason I thought that would not apply to "gift" items (items that are free after the purchase of another). Turns out you can use two coupons for these deals. Now we know. Happy couponing!

Are You New Here?

I created a blog for myself in high school, but I had forgotten how easy it is. This blog will be dedicated to my life as a cashier/beauty advisor. I do not wish to engage in any lawsuits at this time, so I will be keeping names out.